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RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 7:27:54 PM   
KaramelGoddess


Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		I have to say that the value of forums like these is... well invaluable.  When we share with each other we also teach those who are new.
 
I've done My share of learning here as well, and I've had to eat My slices of humble pie.
 
Unfortunately there are people who are dying to fit in and be noticed all over the world and all over the net...My biggest problem is trying to educate them without sounding huffy and self-righteous or hurting their feelings.
 
Sorry if any of this is repetitive, I didn't read through each post.
 
With kind regard,
~Kara

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"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: concerns...... - 5/25/2007 10:04:26 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		Trampler,
I agree with you 100%.  When I wrote my profile, one of the things that was important to me was that we take time to get to know each other as people before things progressed from there.  Mistress and I did that as much as we could while letting things also take their natural course.  I've never been one who could "play" with someone I didn't have feelings for, although I know there are many men and women who can.  That's just the way that I'm wired and not a judgment of others. 
 
I'm very glad that Mistress and I took the time we needed to get to know one another rather than jumping right into things.  At times it was difficult because there definitely was a physical attraction as well as an emotional one.  That kind of self-discipline isn't an easy thing, so I can understand why it doesn't happen for many.  Those who don't take the time also often find themselves repeating the same mistakes over and over for that particular reason.  IMO, getting to know your partner before jumping into a relationship is a very wise and prudent thing to do. 
 
Its been said that people are often presented with the opportunity to learn the same lesson over and over until they finally "get it".  Perhaps that is the case you are speaking of?
 
 - pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: concerns...... - 5/26/2007 5:45:56 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		pixel, I think that is why things are going so well for you and your Mistress right now.  Everyone has been so happy to see it and so pleased for you both.  It's an excellent example of what can happen when you don't rush straight in and it's wonderful.
 
I especially liked the comments about relearning the same lesson over and over.  I don't use the sig line often, but it fits the comment.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: concerns...... - 5/26/2007 12:41:57 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Still stuck on the peach gravy thing .....................no way I can consider it anything but ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww   Hard Dominant Limit !!!!

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Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: concerns...... - 5/26/2007 5:43:39 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet
Still stuck on the peach gravy thing .....................no way I can consider it anything but ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww   Hard Dominant Limit !!!!


I went to edit my profile today and there are two new items that collarme has added to the check list:

Forcefeeding peaches and gravy
Force fed peaches and gravy

Just kidding ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: concerns...... - 5/26/2007 5:57:32 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:



I agree that one should not rush into being collared, or collaring...or relocating....or having a name branded onto them....or castration....  ;-)


*cringes*
My, how very permanent.

Sea, would you send me a short list of the classes you think are best for a new sub to learn? I would greatly appreciate it.

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I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 4:47:12 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings

i have a slave now we meant on collra me we took our time. i talk to him for a year even more. my trust level is not high i fet that is was ok to talk with him for a long time. we hav long tiime he was so smart and know thing i know. we took our time he made it wonderful to speak to no playing games no sedning picutres of him nufr, which i hate we talk for more then two years he has my trust i have his now we meant anf it is wonderful he is and know what i like he wonders all i said the thinks we spoke of what he wanted me to do to him stay in my mind he knows i am in charge and understand this so much he is a wonderful slave i am glad we found one another  we share our thoughts and wha t we will do and wait to see how far we will go .but make no mistake i am his mistress his owner and he loves this ideal of mu owning him . i think rushing into something is not a goo how can one know what the person os like if you rush in , and not talk, it worked for me but it may not work for others
.but good luck to all who are still looking no but no mattter i still think take the time to kno w the person .

mon

(in reply to GoddessKai)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 4:54:50 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		mons, congrats on having a good relationship....i hope it continue to go well for you...yes you were very smart for not rushing into it....taking time to get to know someone is the key to cutting down chances of heart break...

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 5:45:08 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Trampler

heh. the sub males should try being a fem bi poly switch looking for a Mistress. Not any easier, I am thinking it's alittle harder. Alot of the Mistresses I have seen on here, are ethier straight, or they are looking to co-dom with their Master. (nothing wrong with that, just not into the idea.)

sea, I always enjoy your responses, thank you.


Oh, fem bi poly switch might be ideal in my household. (scene/sex orientation is only one aspect of a person we look at)

Ideally we'd love to add a woman to be one of my slaves but one who could also play "nanny" to my spouse from time to time. Of course that a specific flavor of kink and I think rare everywhere.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 7:14:47 AM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		When you say, they rush in ... are you talking about them rushing to meet you real time?
My experience is that they rush to write, to agree to give their all...and the further away they live the more extravagent their promises are...
but the moment you suggest an actual meeting they discover that they have an urgent appointment with their dentist for root canal work...
:))
LH


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"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to GoddessKai)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 9:11:18 AM   
nonu


Posts: 139
Joined: 8/31/2005
From: Cochin, India
Status: offline 		Rushing into any relationship - be it vanila or D/s - is the perfect recipe to a disaster!

It is more likely to happen in a D/s relationship though, for 'kink' can make people do all sorts of things to meet their needs. I have seen both sides of the equation - subs rushing to be collared as well as Dommes rushing to collar.

The most likely outcome of haste is usually disaster, isn't it?

A D/s relationship can usually be fruitful only when the 'D' and 's' know each other well in terms of tastes, preferences, limits and so on. It takes time to build a liking for one another, and to know how well they gel together. Once they are together in a scene, it would be too late to ask questions!

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

...one of the things that was important to me was that we take time to get to know each other as people before things progressed from there...

Those who don't take the time also often find themselves repeating the same mistakes over and over for that particular reason.
 
 - pixel


I guess Pixel says it best, citing his own life as an example.

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We're all different....until we realise that we're all the same, and vice versa...

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 9:16:27 AM   
BrandonG


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		The "kid in a candy store" mentality.  LOL

When I first started out, I was lucky enough to have some wonderful friends to keep me trying to dive into everything head first with an abundance of enthususiasm.  Others may not.  My friends pointed me to resources to better inform myself and gave me lots of helpful advice so even though I was a newbie, I managed to not make a fool of myself at my first Kinky Craft Fair, play party and munch (all in the same weekend).

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 5:16:39 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Can't say enough about that excellent point being made.  If subs are interested in 'real' time, they should be willing to get out and go to 'real' places.  I'm not saying that the only place you can meet a potential is at a munch, rather than coffee, but it doesn't do any harm to get out to meet someone or get to know some people.  Going to a local munch or event isn't a bad idea in general. 

(in reply to BrandonG)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 6:16:50 PM   
Red82


Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Ive seen it on both spectrums. Myself when I was younger and new to all this, figured the best way to learn was to just do it. I had a very bad experience or two, and I have since learned from my younger more naive  years. I have also seen it with a couple of Dominant women. One that comes to mind wanted to collar me the day after we met, and for me to get a tattoo that very same day...needless to say, i turned down the offer.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: concerns...... - 6/11/2007 7:07:37 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Trampler

I know this will sound alittle ranty, and it is kinda preaching to the choir............but something I have noticed and have become alittle concerned about:  Is that some subs are in such a rush to be collared to a dominant, that they will agree to anything,  even by passing the get to know each other period.  Now mind you, I can understand this frustration, on both ends, searching for a Mistress myself. However it just astounds me, that people disregard their safety in this way, (this is actually geared toward newbie subs, as for more seasoned subs you know what your getting into, and take whatever precautions (or not.) that you deem necessary. I guess the crux of my complaint, is the lack of research that alot of newbies do.  When I have a new interest, i research the hell out of it, looking up stuff online, talking about it in chatrooms and forums.  Going to r/l discussion groups.  And I know not everybody is inclined to do research, would rather jump right in. I'm sorry if this post seems jumbled.  lol. looking for any thoughts,opinions, stories on this subject.  Thank you.

Oh and yes I know there are some Doms who have jumped right in, without doing any sort of research,  I'm afraid I don't really have alot of respect for them. Unless of course that was yourself 10-20 yrs ago, and you have learned from your mistakes.


I certainly do agree with the premise of this thread and have felt myself fall into the trap of thinking six steps down the line, rather than taking one at a time when I first meet a Domme.

Usually I catch myself but one time I did not and let the fantasy overcome the reality. It did not end well to say the least.

Obviously a lot of the reasons I have fallen into such a trap (for lack of a better term) have been covered.

For me it was a combination of having blinders on to the rest of the relationship, and forcing a square peg into a round hole.

Luckily I'm young and make it a point to learn from my mistakes, so I don't plan on making a lot of the same mistakes I made in that relationship.

The main thing I did learn is that the BDSM component, no matter how larger you WANT it to be, is only a part of the relationship and that the people involved aren't on the same page, those external things will tear your relationship apart, no matter how Dominant/submissive you think each other is.

I thought I was doing it the right way with this person, but in the end, ignored some glaring issues that would have never escaped my keen vamilla eye.

In talking to Femdoms, I've found myself dismissing things i wouldn't have in a vanilla partner, which is obviously a red flag. I'm more cognizant about that now, but assume that it will rear it's ugly point at some point again.

In the end, with vanilla and platonic relationships as well, you need to be vigilant about what you are looking for, what you are willing to accept, and what you are willing to give.


_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 35
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