quote:

ORIGINAL: dejablew
 Is there a support group or somewhere I can go online to help me through this breakup?    There is nothing local here.   I will love and adore him until I die.    It's just that right now I feel dead.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
You will love and adore someone who treats you like this?

He's become cruel showing me logs or telling me about his search for other subs.
he would either blow up and say hateful things to me.  or, he would ignore me.
I believe he's tired of me.

I don't know about support groups, but I think you should talk to a counselor regarding how you value yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dejablew
......   I used to feel owned but then he used to be into me too.....   I believe he's tired of me. .....   He might even be bored or burned out......     Now when I would be honest with my feelings (usually insecurities and fear) he would either blow up and say hateful things to me.  or, he would ignore me. ..... [I've]  let my health go, depressed and overweight.......    Not too long ago I was even suicidal.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: dejablew

I need help and fast.   To sum up my story:   I am (so called) owned by my Master.   I used to feel owned but then he used to be into me too.   We've been together for ten plus years.  Bottom line?   I believe he's tired of me.    He might even be bored or burned out.   He's become cruel showing me logs or telling me about his search for other subs.    And then at times he will be the Master he used to be.   loving, patient, intelligent and into me.    Now when I would be honest with my feelings (usually insecurities and fear) he would either blow up and say hateful things to me.  or, he would ignore me.    Believe me, I only asked or shared a few times.    There are other complaints I could share but I believe you get the picture.    I miss so badly being slave and it's to the point I can't even remember what subspace or being wet is like.    I do feel used up and very hurt and angry.   I've let my health go, depressed and overweight.    Not too long ago I was even suicidal.    I'm at the point I don't think I could submit to him.  My trust and respect for him is so damaged.    I feel he left a long time ago and it's just a matter of formality.    Is there a support group or somewhere I can go online to help me through this breakup?    There is nothing local here.   I will love and adore him until I die.    It's just that right now I feel dead.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: dejablew
I need help and fast.   To sum up my story:   I am (so called) owned by my Master.   I used to feel owned but then he used to be into me too.   We've been together for ten plus years.  Bottom line?   I believe he's tired of me.    He might even be bored or burned out.   He's become cruel showing me logs or telling me about his search for other subs.    And then at times he will be the Master he used to be.   loving, patient, intelligent and into me.    Now when I would be honest with my feelings (usually insecurities and fear) he would either blow up and say hateful things to me.  or, he would ignore me.    Believe me, I only asked or shared a few times.    There are other complaints I could share but I believe you get the picture.    I miss so badly being slave and it's to the point I can't even remember what subspace or being wet is like.    I do feel used up and very hurt and angry.   I've let my health go, depressed and overweight.    Not too long ago I was even suicidal.    I'm at the point I don't think I could submit to him.  My trust and respect for him is so damaged.    I feel he left a long time ago and it's just a matter of formality.    Is there a support group or somewhere I can go online to help me through this breakup?    There is nothing local here.   I will love and adore him until I die.    It's just that right now I feel dead.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: dejablew
I am (so called) owned by my Master
I used to feel owned but then he used to be into me too
I miss so badly being slave and it's to the point I can't even remember what subspace or being wet is like
I'm at the point I don't think I could submit to him.  My trust and respect for him is so damaged
I feel he left a long time ago and it's just a matter of formality

Just an observation:  i find some of the statements you made very telling as to the "ownership" of you by your master.  You say you are "so called owned" and that you don't "feel owned."  You either are owned or you are not.  "Feeling" owned, to me, simply has nothing to do with it.  i know i am Master's property whether i feel like i am at any given point or not. 
 
Same with "being a slave."  Being in "subspace" or "being wet" don't necessarily have one thing to do with being a "slave."  (If you're lucky, they do).  But seriously.....again, you either are or are not a slave.  For me, it doesn't change just because of my feelings or emotions at any given time.  i know that, regardless of those, i am always His slave.
 
You also say you "don't think" you "could submit to him."  A slave - owned property - doesn't think about submitting, they simply do (hopefully).
 
The point i'm trying to make with all this is not that you should simply tolerate any treatment you are receiving (or not receiving, as the case may be).  IF you are owned and IF you are his slave, surely before entering into the M/s dynamic, some things were discussed and agreed upon.  Is there not a provision in place where you can speak freely and receive honest answers about why things are not working as they should?  Surely he didn't become "cruel," "bored," and "burnt out" overnight?  This must have been progressively growing worse over time, no? 
 
Also, your growing problems of weight gain, depression, suicidal feelings - again, these didn't just happen overnight.  All these issues have been snowballing over time - over years perhaps.  Did you not "feel owned" or feel "like a slave" during that time either?  i guess my point is were you ever really an owned slave or were those just terms the both of you liked to use to describe a situation that wasn't exactly that?
 
i'm not trying to tell you that you're not what you think/say you are, it literally jumped out at me, though, how you said you are "so called" owned and that you don't "feel" like a slave.  Maybe you aren't owned and aren't a slave and, if that's indeed the case, does that make your decision any easier as to what to do?  You say you don't think you can submit to him.  It doesn't seem as if he really even wants you to based on what you wrote.  So, is this really even an M/s relationship at all?  Was it ever?  Just thinking that if it isn't, and if you didn't have that label attached to it, would it be easier for you to do what you feel you need to do to improve your situation or remove yourself from it? 

Hope this made some sense....not sure it has.  Best wishes to you...slave luci