|
DeviantlyD -> Aloha! (5/26/2007 2:19:37 PM)
|
I'd rate myself a beginner at all of this. (You've heard this one before, right?) If it weren't for the internet, I'm not certain I would have discovered the BDSM world at all. Ah yes, the internet! It can be a wonderful resource and tool. But I digress. When I look back to my earliest memories, I realize being submissive has always been an integral part of who I am. I've always wanted to please others. I get pleasure from giving it. I suppose you could say that my first experience with D/s was at the age of 8. A childhood friend had me do several inane tasks over the course of our friendship, including making sawdust by sawing wood in the basement of her family's home. (I don't recall why, it was just something she wanted me to do.) I did it only to please her.
But it is my last experience with D/s that has, in many ways, made a bigger impression on me. A dominant man offered to train me, as I was new to any real-time domination. Up front I had only two real limits - no activities that would involve harm to my physical health and no sexual intercourse. I knew he wasn't into any extremely deviant behaviour, so I felt no further limits were necessary. To be honest, "training" wasn't something I was looking for. For me, it was about exploring and his offer gave me the opportunity to do so. I so enjoyed being tied up and doing what I was commanded to do! I'd say that the only part I really didn't fully enjoy were the deprivation experiences. Such as when he would play with me without allowing me to be vocal. I don't mean speaking. It made me realize how expressive I am with sound and how much I enjoy being expressive in that manner. So, for the most part, it was a rewarding experience. What ended it was when he chose to ignore my limit of sexual intercourse. I was tied up, completely in sub space, and willing to do almost anything. I thought he was just going to toy with me, tease me, but it went further. I ended it all after that.
Some of you, maybe most of you reading this will think me a prude to have set this limit with a dominant. I know myself well enough to understand sexual intercourse is something tied very strongly to my emotions. For that reason I won't engage in casual sexual intercourse. But please don't misinterpret this as being frigid. I can assure you I am not.
I had a rather fun, but frustrating experience with a submissive/switch man. He introduced me to the whip. I can't say I enjoyed the sting of it on my bare bottom, but as a whole it was fun. He had me cuffed too, which, if I had been restricted more, I think I would have enjoyed more.
Lastly I'd like to say that I am somewhat hesitant joining CollerMe. It isn't the site itself, it's just the whole internet idea in general. So far I've found that I attract only HNG's or dominants into some very hard core activities. Well that isn't entirely true. There had been one who I was quite enamoured with, but let's just say the feeling wasn't mutual. *wistful sigh* I recall the first time I met a dominant man in real life that I had first met online. I felt I'd been upfront in saying it would only be a meeting in a public place and nothing more. He wanted me to come back home with him. I declined. Then he gave me an ultimatum - that if I didn't go back with him, there would be no more contact between us. So be it, I thought. When he realized I was going to walk away he started pleading with me. That pretty much killed it - for obvious reasons.
I hope this gives you a bit of an introduction into who I am as a submissive. Despite my misgivings about finding a dominant man on the internet, it truly has been a wonderful resource and I have learned a lot from things I've read and conversations I've had online. I guess my being here means that I still have some hope. :)
|
|
|
|
