Is this Newbie wrong?

Is this Newbie wrong? (Full Version)

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rayhan09 -> Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 2:23:10 PM)
I have never been a sub before but I know I have found my calling. The only thing is I know for me the only way to go is a Daddy Dom. True I will become HIS personal slave (as I become more comfortable and begin to love him), I just do not want to start out that way. I truly just want to submit to someone who can nurture and provide for me. Is it wrong to still want to be treated like a woman and wined and dined? Is it wrong for money to be a factor? Not the ONLY factor of cpourse! Just A factor?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 2:38:33 PM)
You can make whatever you want into whatever factor you want. They can feel free to say no thanks. Stay true to yourself and don't make a commitment to anyone for at least 6 months. If you find over time (at least a year) that your expectations are preventing you from having healthy relationships, it will be time to evaluate them and see if you should re-arrange them for yourself or not.

rayhan09 -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 2:51:15 PM)
This may sound stupid, but I'm sorry. When ou say 6 months-thanks cuz I didnt know that-does that mean no sex? Or plain sex?

OsideGirl -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 3:16:08 PM)
What LA is saying is don't go getting collared, contracted, or agree to become property for the first 6 months. You can date, you can play, you can have sex....just don't commit. Of course, this is just her opinion (which I happen to agree with).

rayhan09 -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 3:31:52 PM)
Thank you! You actually cleared up two things! THe second thing was who was LA. I was curious to know what LA was when I saw "LA is the google of collarchat" LOL. She is very informative.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 3:46:01 PM)
You must first know yourself and what it is you want out of your relationship before you can decide upon who to share it with..Take this time to know you, in other words to know how far down that rabbit hole you wish to go..Then you need to research and question, for ignorance should never be an excuse. Baby steps..:0)....Tempting

goodpet -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 3:56:31 PM)
LOL, yes LA is the Google of Collarme. And she does a fine job of it. but better then the link to past threads is her personal imput and views. I agree, you can make whatever is important to you a factor. Stick to it. it may change down the road after you are with someeone but don't change right away. Take you time. 6 months is actually a fast time for me to think of a committment. but for me the committment was for life, so i took a very long time in makeing sure i found the right person. and things that was a factor 6 years ago when i started this journey are no longer as improtant. I've changed on my own, not because some Dom said i had to if i wanted to date or be with him. Stay true to yourself. ~ann

Faramir -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 4:36:14 PM)
γνῶθι σεαυτόν - Know Yourself. Know your own heart, be true to yourself, and you'll be ok.

Faramir -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 5:43:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rayhan09 I have never been a sub before but I know I have found my calling. The only thing is I know for me the only way to go is a Daddy Dom. True I will become HIS personal slave (as I become more comfortable and begin to love him), I just do not want to start out that way. I truly just want to submit to someone who can nurture and provide for me. Is it wrong to still want to be treated like a woman and wined and dined? Is it wrong for money to be a factor? Not the ONLY factor of cpourse! Just A factor? D/s relationships vary widely in their construction. You could grab 50 different, satisfied D/s couples and find that none of them exactly alike, and only a few of them are in each other's ballpark. You and some other person need to figure out what you need--you're not going to get (meaningful) external validation.

happypervert -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 6:33:11 PM)
There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. However, that won't prevent goofballs from saying it is wrong or that you're not a twue sub if you won't blow them just because they were nice enough to send you a one line e-mail.

minnetar -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/26/2007 7:33:53 PM)
Information will be your best friend. i would suggest reading as much as possible. Go to Castlerealm and read. Join a yahoo group just for subs where you can feel free to ask questions without being flamed. minnetar

velvetears -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 6:48:56 AM)
Why not see if you can join a group in your area where you can meet and spend time with other subs to discuss real life issues. Stay away from castlerealm, its fluff and basically a lot of fantasy bs that won't give you a good persepctive on much - but there are many sites out there that are great for info. i know of some if your interested.

Donnalee -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 7:04:04 AM)
I enjoyed reading castlerealm....I think the wider the scope of info a new person is exposed to, the better to find their own middle. Finding what you don't want is very important. To each their own.

PairOfDimes -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 8:23:41 AM)
What LA and probably others said. You get to define and seek what you want. However, that doesn't oblige anyone to give you what you want. If you're not getting what you want, or, if you're not happy having what you've stated you wanted, then you may want to revise your stated desires. You might look into your local BDSM community. Also, if you essentially want a relationship in which you submit to a man who provides financially for you and treats you like a traditional femme, and the kinky activities aren't important for you, you could date outside BDSM-identified people and look for men who describe themselves as "traditional" or "conservative."

SirDominic -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 8:43:00 AM)
So let me see if I get this right. You want someone to pay your way through life. So money is not the only factor, but it is certainly a primary one. You, in return, want to have this on your terms only. That is, you don't want to commit to anything up front, except the possibility that down the road you may come to love him. Is it wrong to want this? Nope. You can want anything you choose. I personally think it is a very selfish, all about me, attitude though. You want to take, and you don't want to give until you feel like it. I'm not flaming you, just giving my interpretation of what you said you want. Namaste, Sir Dominic

OsideGirl -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 11:38:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic So let me see if I get this right. You want someone to pay your way through life. That's an assumption on your part. Money was also a consideration when I was looking too. I wanted someone that was successful and that made enough money so that they weren't dependent on mine. I can't tell you how many Doms contacted me that didn't have a job, couldn't hold a job, or did something shady for a living. So your assumption that she's looking for a "sugar daddy" may not be correct.

Viridana -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 12:37:34 PM)
Although the wording "will provide for me" sound a lot like she's looking for someone..... well... with a relatively open wallet. I don't know what the OP had in mind saying this but to me it does sound a bit... negative. However, I do understand the preference of wanting someone who is financially independent. I have no interest in being someones cash machine nor do I want to make my partner feel like he's mine.

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 1:07:07 PM)
hmm I think wanting someone financially well off is a bit wacky, but that's just me and there are plenty of people who get along very well being provided for that way. I guess I always figured that there were no guarantees that even somebody with a good job couldn't lose it, or become unable to do it, their skills become obsolete, the bottom fall out of the market or whatever. So long as the guy you meet knows your desires upfront and agrees with them, who's to say what's wrong with it?

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 1:58:31 PM)
i'm in a DaddyDom relationship and i don't see myself as His personal slave ..i didn't start off that way - we begin as friends. i'm treated, spoiled, wined and dined like a daughter and lady at all times. Daddy nurtures and encourages me to becomen something better than i was before he found me. money is never the factor between us since He knows my financial situation yet He still sees me as the classy woman that i am.

SirDominic -> RE: Is this Newbie wrong? (5/27/2007 7:54:27 PM)
I truly just want to submit to someone who can nurture and provide for me. That wording looks rather clear cut to me, but you are right, I could be misinterpreting what she meant. That was not my main point anyway. I was having more difficulty with my perception that she should be able to take at whim, but only give when it suited her. It was not any one phrase, but the entire wording of her post that gave me the impression that she was being pretty selfish in her desires. I agree with you that money should be an issue in the sense that someone should be able to pay their own bills without sponging off you. Namaste, Sir Dominic

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