is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48??

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is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/26/2007 7:12:32 PM

luvpats

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/19/2006
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I am 48, never married, no children, never been in love, never had a serious relationship. Am I hopeless??

Women seem to believe if you have not experienced love by 40 you are worthless and will never be a good partner.

It is also equally difficult to find a switch. Mostly women like to receive only.

Someone wrote to me and said my profile was not that of a switch. So I guess there is a certain "profile" for a switch?? What is wrong with erotic spanking?? You can't enjoy spanking as a sex act??

To me spanking IS a sex act thru and thru. Anything else is fantasy.

Oh yes I am afraid of commitment. . .with the wrong one. . .I have seen too many divorces and bad marriages in my life. . .and yes I have been emotionally, physically and verbally abused. . .women seem to think they are the only ones who experience this type of abuse. . .I have experienced it real time and, just like women who stay in a relationship with abuse I chose to also stay. . .my confidence and esteem were at an all-time low and I thought I deserved it. . .

Now I am free. . .alone but free. . .still in therapy but getting better. . . .red flags. . .yes I have them but would rather be alone than be abused. . .I learned the hard way. . .

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/26/2007 8:44:35 PM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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My husband says "there is somebody for everybody". He's probably right. Weird? You are asking a bunch of people who do things like cut, jab needles, and crop people, not to mention those people who enjoy receiving those things if being single at age 48 is weird??? Methinks the answer will be a universal "NO" *S*

Good Luck

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/26/2007 11:00:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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It is weird, and it is a big warning that you've never been in love or ANY serious relationship at this stage in your life and yet are now saying that you want one.

But that doesn't mean what you want is impossible to find. Just that the skills we've all been working on since we were 16, you have to start now from scratch.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/26/2007 11:27:17 PM

justplainjava

Posts: 173
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

marriage and love are like the elusive butterfly they are only nice in dreams and fanstaies
take care and be safe
java

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/27/2007 4:01:50 AM

yenlui

Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline

It's also a fact that once in a while you have to take a few chances. If everyone were to be 100% sure before they commited to another person, very few would ever be in a commited, lasting relationship.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/27/2007 4:24:37 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Seems a bit odd...the never being in love part. It would be a red flag for me...I'd have to wonder if you close yourself off emotionally and that's not what I'd want in a relationship. But, there is someone for everyone. Just keep trying.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/27/2007 4:38:11 AM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
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No, it's not weird...it just proves there are at least two sane people left.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/27/2007 12:03:11 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Please excuse me for writing what i wrote in your other post. I did not know you would find it insulting if i thought your profile sounded more like a Dominant than a switch.

Whether you are the spanker or spankee you know how, with what, and in what percent you wish to do the various spanking scenarios. I took this to mean that you prefer to remain in charge rather than have an exchange of power with another switch. If i read your profile incorrectly, i offer an apology.

As a fellow survivor of abuse, i know how deeply the abuse can hurt. That you are in therapy is very good. When you are strong then you will be willing and able to share and give yourself to another relationship. Until then, concentrate on making yourself well. The stronger you are the more you have to offer to another.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/27/2007 12:22:00 PM

vagabonddom

Posts: 19
Joined: 7/18/2004
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I have read your profile, your posts and these are my observations.

You said you had never been in a relationship, yet you also say that you were in one and chose to stay in it and were abused. Have you or have you not been in a relationship?

I take offense at what you have said about the art of spanking. You think the act of spanking is only a sex act and anything else would be fantasy. This may be your concept of this act but not mine. I spank my submissive on a regular basis and no sex is involved. I can find many many reasons to commit that act other than sexual or fantasy.

I feel that looking at your profile is that it is not a relationship of marriage you are looking for. I feel as my submissive also feels that you are looking for a slave as you are so exacting on how she should behave, act, and fulfill your wishes. If this is not the case I am sorry. Would you please point out what you are offering to a relationship.

You state you are afraid of commitment with the wrong one. If you will not ever give any trust or commitment to any relationship until you are sure, how can you expect anyone to consider a relationship with you?

I feel if you ever expect find a mate at your age, you need to look at yourself and see what you are offering. If you offer little you can expect to get the same in return.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 5/27/2007 12:55:46 PM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvpats

I am 48, never married, no children, never been in love, never had a serious relationship. Am I hopeless??

Not being married by the age of 48 is as weird as being female, 28, and having absolutely no desire to ever have children. Some people will call you odd, or think you are unnatural... *shrugs*... but really, who are they to judge? In some things, people are alike (general physical attributes - we all have (or should have) skin, bones, cartilage, blood, breath air, etc), but vastly different in others (wants, needs, desires, sex drive, etc.). You may not be the 'norm', but c'mon... you're talking to KINKY PEOPLE! We are 'weird' by our very nature/desires

. At least in my neck of the woods we are.

As for being hopeless, hope is a personal internal view. Only you can decide if you have hope or if you don't. Do you feel optimistic about the future? Are you happy WITH yourself? Can you honestly say you like who you are? Are you living & breathing (I can't offer any help/suggestions if you're the Living Dead

). If you answered yes to any of those, then in my opinion (and that is an opinion only! Not a fact! And I am not a trained therapist either!!), you have hope.

My $0.02 worth

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 6/1/2007 10:23:36 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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I've been in love and I've been married. I'm 42 now and I do think a guy who has never been in love would be risky to begin anything with. (Unless it was a professional relationship where I was not looking for romance/ love). These days I think I am more interested in single Dads (not dead beats) than any other kind of single men. They've been in love, they love their kids and they know more about life, love and relationships than other men who have not had those experiences.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 6/3/2007 9:40:41 AM

michelleryder

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/18/2007
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Awwww i don't think it's wierd at all. Some people go through life and never get married or fall in love whilst others fall in and out of love all the time.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 6/3/2007 9:51:50 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

No it is not weird to be 48 and never married. What is weird is being 48 and being married 4 or 5 times, because they think they found the right partner, without taking the time to think would marriage last with that partner.

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RE: is it weird to not be married by the time you are 48?? - 6/3/2007 7:22:45 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Weird? In the sense that it's *uncommon* for a heterosexual person to have never married by age 48, yes, it is weird. But it's not weird in the sense that it's *wrong*. Also, while it's unusual that you've never married, it's exceedingly uncommon that you've never had a "serious relationship"--further, it's also pretty rare that you experienced intense partner abuse and yet never had a serious relationship--in my anecdotal experience, abuse tends not to happen as much, nor to affect its victims as significantly, in short-term, casual relationships. So, you're an anomaly. That isn't necessarily a bad thing--although it's not always wise to trumpet strange and potentially unattractive qualities. Try to downplay your history of failed relationships, your attendant insecurities, etc.

No, I don't think most women like to exclusively receive sensation. Lots of women of my acquaintance enjoy topping, and lots of women of my acquaintance like to switch. But when I'm frustrated because I haven't found any compatible playmates in a while, I start to feel like there are no whatever-I'm-seeking, so I sympathize with your feeling and I also think it's not entirely accurate.

From a cursory look at your profile, I don't see why your profile seems so strange. It's a little unusual to be focused so firmly on spanking and related desires--most people who identify with BDSM enjoy spanking as one of many activities. I wonder if you might have more success in "spanko" communities.

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