Body image & disclosing medical info (Full Version)

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asyouwishmaster -> Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 5:35:52 AM)

I struggle with my body image constantly. I've read post after post about how the body should not matter. I can't seem to accept this in my head. Physical attraction is part of the human nature. So how do I get past this and accept how I look and know in the end it really doesn't matter? I can deal with most of the imperfections of my 44 yr old body, but I have a serious issue with this gut around my middle. It's like 50 lbs just sitting in my lap. Also, I've had gastric bypass surgery. At what point would you as a Dom want to know this about a sub you were considering? Is it necessary to disclose this or would you feel betrayed if you weren't told?



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 5:40:54 AM)

I would want to know fairly shortly after we began talking regularly. Before I play with anyone I will ask about their physical conditions, it's only sensible to know what risks you are dealing with. For example, I wear contacts and can't get water in my ears.

Something that might help is to know you're not alone- a LOT of people in the scene are very overweight, and I have a few friends who have had the surgery and now have issues with loose skin. I can't tell you that you should look into the mirror and say you're gorgeous- even I don't do that very often. But work with the rest of yourself, focus on what you CAN change and be proud of, once your overall sense of self is strong, the physical issue won't be as much of a hindrance to you.



subversiveone -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 7:25:26 AM)

please allow me to say this even if you already "know" it:
E/everyone has something about themselves they don't like. It's usually something physical like weight or height but not always. The one thing that holds you back will not hold someone else. You can be overweight (i am very) and still find people who will care about you out there, it just takes more time to find them if you are hiding behind walls. As corny as this may sound, you should always disclose your weight and height in your ads, you should have good pictures that you feel proud of, you should have an outfit or two that make you feel sexy, and you should never have to apologize to someone online if they are confronted with all of this and can't handle it. Recently i asked some friends of mine to take some nude, yes nude, shots of me so that i wouldn't feel the sting of hearing 'oh my god you are fat' somewhere later down the line. I personally can handle hearing it in the first couple of emails much better than face to face. I got really lucky and met a man who suffers from the same type of problems so he understands and is still very attractive to me (im not settling any more than He). Prior to that, did i get rejected? hell yeah. Did it sting a little? sure. But a funny thing happened too- i posted some on another site that encourages nudity and i got a lot of compliments (from people i found totally hot but wasn't interested in). Just because your lap disgusts you (mine does me) doesn't mean it will be a total turn off for someone else. I don't have to tell you that a 'real' lover is going to look past that because we are all just human. Imagine if your ideal mate had a hideous looking scar across his genitals. Would you want that to hold him back from loving you? Of course not. Can i boost your self confidence with an email? of course not. But can i tell you that we are all in the same 'boat' as it were and convince you that there are ways to deal with the inevitable rejections? I hope so! My best friend had that surgery and is now almost 175 lbs lighter. Major skin issues. But she looks great in her clothes so she's happy. That's her. Leading up to that she puked daily. If she got too hungry, too full, the wrong food, too much sugar, etc etc it came right back up. So, your play partner needs to know if that's your reality. While he may not need to know this until you meet and decide to start spending time together, that is up to the two of you. Any O/one that rejects you because you went out on a limb and took control of your weight is an idiot. GB shouldn't inhibit your sex life, it should increase your ability to function without the same amounts of food end of story. If you have health complications that have arisen, like the skin, you can explain that and expect understanding. If they are so lacking in fortitude that just the mere 'thought' of that skin bothers them, that's their problem. right?



Interesdom -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 7:32:07 AM)

To some extent, when you tell someone depends on what you're looking for. I see from your profile that you aren't especially into play, more into occasional control. Or something. (I tend to be confused about what a married person who isn't into just play wants ... a divorce? ... but that's not the point, here.)

To some extent it depends on what their profile and early correspondence is about. If you were talking with someone like me, you'd find I'm very upfront about wanting a healthy (slender) submissive. So it would be important to be clear about your body and your willingness to change. If the dom says that body shape isn't important, then it's not important and you don't have to bring it up, only to answer any question fully and honestly. Another way to look at it is not to try hiding behind your computer: if the person wouldn't care about your body if you met them first off in real life, then it's not an issue but if you have reason to think it might affect them - might even be a deciding factor in whether to approach and talk to you - then be up front. Honesty is always best, even though it narrows those who are interested.

I'm ignorant as to how gastric bypass surgery affects your life. If it's important but embarrassing to talk about to a stranger, you can simply say "I have a medical condition that might affect some things you want me to do but I don't feel comfortable talking about it in detail just yet." When you do feel comfortable, let them know the effects it might have and what, if anything, they can do to help you about it.



junecleaver -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 12:15:25 PM)

I struggle with my body image constantly. I've read post after post about how the body should not matter. I can't seem to accept this in my head.

Don't feel too bad, it's a struggle that almost everyone goes through. People tell me I'm not fat, but I cannot make myself believe them because I am indeed chunky. All I can do is shut my mouth and at least appreciate that someone finds me attractive.


Physical attraction is part of the human nature. So how do I get past this and accept how I look and know in the end it really doesn't matter? I can deal with most of the imperfections of my 44 yr old body, but I have a serious issue with this gut around my middle. It's like 50 lbs just sitting in my lap. Also, I've had gastric bypass surgery. At what point would you as a Dom want to know this about a sub you were considering? Is it necessary to disclose this or would you feel betrayed if you weren't told?

I've never had surgery before or known anyone who's had gastric bypass surgery, so a conversation with you on this would probably interest me. Maybe it would interesting a Dom as well. I think that's something that should be discussed upfront. When getting to know people, generally, we just exchange random questions. Then would be a good time to bring up your surgery.



dragonofjapan -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 4:23:30 PM)

I have worked with a number of subs on the issue of weight. It requires two things, one is getting to understand Why you decided to do this to yourself.

Deciding where you are going to go and then do that.

I have found standing in front of a full length mirror for 10 minutes a day totally nude, looking at yourself.

I had more than a few subs 'see' a thin woman inside them. After that weight fell off them.

Zip



subcheryl -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/19/2005 5:52:33 PM)

I too had stomache bypass done and am still struggling with my weight, and body image, when I met master online, I was upfront from the beginning since already had experienced rejection due to weight. He told me as long as I was working on trying to loose he had no problem with it and he would work with me on it, I sent him pics and such, as far as medical, I told him almost as soon as we knew we were connecting of the migraines and such that I suffer so he was ready and any meds that I take. Don't know if this answers your question, but as far as getting past the fat part yes start consitrating on what you do like about yourself like your personality and such those are more important anyway and soon you will not mind it so much it may a bit but not as much, and the more positive you are about yourself the more it will come across what you say and how you present yourself and it will attract someones eye, good luck best wishes



sub4hire -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/20/2005 9:13:05 AM)

quote:

At what point would you as a Dom want to know this about a sub you were considering? Is it necessary to disclose this or would you feel betrayed if you weren't told?


I'm not a dom but regardless I want an honest open relationship. I'd want to be told. If it is your desire to be slender. Being your partner I could take that into consideration. We could go on evening walks together or go to the gym.
In a perfect world your partner supports your endeavors. Sometimes your endeavors become their own.

I've known several to do the surgery. Some with excellent success. Some with limited success and 2 dead.
Lap band surgery...limited success.
Good luck...the surgery sure isn't a fix all. You're going to have to have it within you to do a lot of it yourself.
A partner should only heighten that experience.



PcolaMan -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/22/2005 8:34:23 PM)

asyouwishmaster,
I too have had GastricBypass.. I would dominant.. I would want to know as soon as possible about this. While you are bound to have alot of skin hanging around I personally would not have a severe problem with it. Personally I have at least 5 lbs of skin hanging on my stomach now and still need to loose about 125lbs.

Body image for women though has always been and always will be a problem.. There are no easy solutions. But realize this medically you have specialized needs your dom needs to attend to.. For instance you need to be kept better hydrated than the average person he would normally deal with.. This means long bondage sessions require you are given drinks of water while bound.. You will find that your breasts will be more sensitive in certain positions also.. For instance the hanging of your breasts unsupported probably already give you a certain amount of pain.

Next he needs to know all about your GB due to medical problems that may incapacitate you.. He is responsible for your well being when unconcious. He needs to know that you are not to be intubated without being scoped first and that you can not take certain drugs due to your stomach size..etccc......

All these things need to be known before playing with him.
Lazarus



proudsub -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/22/2005 11:42:13 PM)

This thread may help with your body image concerns:

body image



asyouwishmaster -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/23/2005 10:17:07 AM)

Proudsub...thanks for that link. It is really a huge help. Those words really say it all! I plan on telling Him tonight. I know it won't make a difference. I am the one that is hung up on it *smile*.



glassdoll -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/23/2005 7:12:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I struggle with my body image constantly. I've read post after post about how the body should not matter. I can't seem to accept this in my head. Physical attraction is part of the human nature. So how do I get past this and accept how I look and know in the end it really doesn't matter? I can deal with most of the imperfections of my 44 yr old body, but I have a serious issue with this gut around my middle. It's like 50 lbs just sitting in my lap. Also, I've had gastric bypass surgery. At what point would you as a Dom want to know this about a sub you were considering? Is it necessary to disclose this or would you feel betrayed if you weren't told?



turn off the television. stop reading magazines featuring the plastic surgery inlightened. focus on the good qualities you have. excerise. take your vitamans. the loose skin will go away.


xoxox ana



MistressFire70 -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/27/2005 5:16:15 PM)

I have had gastric bypass surgery; the duodenal switch, to be precise. I tell my subs about it when I feel it’s appropriate to share medical info (I'm also bi-polar). The time to tell your perspective Dom about your health is 1) when he asks about health issues OR 2) when you feel compelled to be open OR 3) at the very least, before you play with someone. GPS can be a health issue is some scenes. If you had the RNY, could you swallow that much cum? (For those reading and unfamiliar, the RNY procedure makes your stomach about the size of your thumb. If you eat too much you will throw up.) If you ate before the scene or during the scene and you’re full, that little extra bit will bring it all up. Fortunately, it'd only be about an ounce or so, but still very icky way to end a scene. Also, with the RNY, you have to watch sweets and fat or you’ll dump (ya’ll really don’t want to know what that is), so he’s not able to use chocolate or something in a scene. So, the Dom needs to know.

As for the body image troubles: A Dom isn't going to magically make this go away. Many overweight and obese people have this issue and really, therapy can help a great deal. My surgeon has a support group for people post surgery. He also has a therapist on staff. Look into therapy for help. Don’t take anyone’s word about how you look…that you are beautiful needs to come from within. If you go to google.com and put in gastric bypass support group and your city, something will pop up.

Fire



MistressFire70 -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/27/2005 5:24:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: glassdoll


...the loose skin will go away.


xoxox ana


Gotta disagree here. It depends on how much the person has lost and how long they have been overweight before surgery. Someone who has been 100 pounds heavy for 5 years has a lot more chance of the loose skin retightening than someone who was 100 over for 20. Also, I know of people who have lost 2 and 3 HUNDRED pounds from this surgery. Their skin will just not "tighten up". It's not unusual to have 40-60 pounds of loose skin removed afterwards. My surgeon has been pretty good with these cases and the insurance companies covering it. But...this is kind off topic. LOL

Fire



Rayne58 -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/27/2005 7:56:35 PM)

My Master has chronic health issues and as a result of these He has scars and scabs over much of His body as well as a dialysis catheter in His tummy. I was told all of this before we met and I know He is very self conscious about His skin.

The first time I saw Him nude I was prepared for it and do you know, it did not worry me at all. Sure I was a little shocked at the extent of the damage but that is just superficial......underneath He is the kind loving Man I knew and so all I did was run my hand over Him and give Him a kiss. Now He is ok with me seeing Him naked but is not keen on anyone else seeing the scars even on His arms, He wears long sleeved shirts even in the summer when we go out.

If we were to play with other ladies/subs it is on the understanding that He only touches/spanks/and a little bit of oral, He keeps His clothing on and would just watch me and her together. But that is far in the future and may never happen, depending on the person we are with.

I have issues with my body too....I have a little "tummy" from childbirth and feel that my breasts are a bit too small. But when we're together playing all that just goes out the window.....it's me and Him exploring and loving and making each other feel good, and that's all that matters [:)]



Overlord218 -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (5/28/2005 7:31:35 PM)

Grabbing a lamp and going in search of a mid 40's-50's male OR female who has the body of a 20 year old. What's that you say? There isn't one? Finally!! Look, we are what we are and we are who we are... period. Personally, the who far outweighs the what.

Yes, human nature decrees that a degree of physical attraction comes in to the equation, but as us humans age (sometimes gracefully, sometimes not) that tends to become less and less important.... Well it does for Me anyway.




DesertRat -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (6/7/2005 5:54:26 PM)

I would want to know right away. I would expect you to want to know these things about me, too. My profile clearly states that I want someone who is physically fit, or close to it and willing to work on it. It also states that I am fit, and if someone were to ask for more information about that, I wouldn't mind telling. Mentioning things like that in my profile probably helps keep the issue from coming up. I don't judge people based on physical characteristics, but I do know what I like and what I find attractive.

I think it's good that you are dealing with this body image issue, even if it is causing you discomfort at the moment. The fact that you are thinking about it...wrestling with it, even...suggests that you will ultimately find a solution that works for you. Acceptance, maybe. Or effecting a physical change through continued use of exercise and a healthy diet. Some combination of the two, maybe?

Bob

Bob



HalloweenWhite -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (6/21/2005 5:33:37 PM)

This is a really interesting problem (Sorry if I sound flipant, Im really not) because I am wheelchair user and a dominant who has yet to find a submissive who can look past the chair, I know they exist, I just cant find one!.

Anyway, I thonk it's REALLY important to "bite the bullet" and tell folks about your condition, I have stated it very clearly on My profile that I use a wheelchair and that if its a problem then it's their problem. You shouldn't appologise for anything. Just be honest and clear about anything you feel will affect any potential relationship and thats all you can do or should be expected to do, but youre right-body image is a big deal.

Good luck.


HalloweenWhite[:-]



mnottertail -> RE: Body image & disclosing medical info (6/21/2005 9:17:09 PM)

I no longer know how long I can hold this together, I owned a pain slut for about 3 years before I knew she had asthma..........(of all things she was embarrassed, for christ's sake) so .............
One day, we are heavy into the gizmo............she loves pain and laughs at it.............so I can't get a reasonable driver off the tee............I am looking at a putting game..................well, I decide to do a stand-up routine.......shes laughing her ass off, cannot move (tied DOWN), so reasonably I think (shit, I ain't doing to bad here)...go in the closet and come forth with a tam'o'shanter (everyone is lost I know) and a little kilt and a whip and start acting pussyboy............guffaws turn into no air and a still body and a blank stare (I ignored the stop,stop, stop) So I do a Dick Van Dyke fall (and my elbow is pasted to my ribs) ..........she is rigid, blank stare and not either breathing or not breathing, I am elbowed in my ribs and hoisted on my own petard....................who said that subs cant push doms.......................if you got medical conditions...........TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bottom line-- we went to the hospital, she breathed and is alive and i am alive..........but I didnt need it although memorable.

Ron



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