16 Police Comments (Full Version)

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beargonewild -> 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 12:10:48 PM)

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos
around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you
just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's
the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I
can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but
I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and pigs win blue
ribbons."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal
friend of  yours. So you know someone whocan post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS .

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't.  Sign here."



subinside -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 12:23:52 PM)

some of those were definitely cute.. thanks for posting



Marc2b -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 1:09:23 PM)

quote:

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and pigs win blue
ribbons."


So how many did you win officer?

Hey!  Hey!  Stop that!  This is police brutality!  C'mon! You set yourself up for that one!



Sub03 -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 3:37:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Marc2b

quote:

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and pigs win blue
ribbons."


So how many did you win officer?

Hey!  Hey!  Stop that!  This is police brutality!  C'mon! You set yourself up for that one!


LMAO now thats funny



sexyteddibare -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 5:45:34 PM)

telling an officer...well i was only going one way



asubmissiveheart -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 5:58:27 PM)

sad, but I can imagine cops saying these things



beautyImurDaddy -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/27/2007 6:53:43 PM)

I am retired after 20 years in law enforcement... and yes... some cops i know actually HAVE said those things.... or a slight variation... like the "you only had 2 beers? what were they 30 gallon drums?"... and definitely in God we trust all other are run NCIC. I am sure there are a million more.... thanks for posting this bear and making me remember the good ole days.



LafayetteLady -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/28/2007 12:46:19 AM)

But let's not forget some of our favorite ways to get out of a ticket (at least for women)

I'm sorry officer, but I just got my period and I really need to get to a bathroom fast.

I am having a horrible bout with the runs and I really am just trying to save myself a mess (buy some fart spray and they are bound to believe you).



mastercreeker -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/28/2007 1:22:33 AM)

I actually got out of a ticket once by pleading urinary insanity. I was taking My wife/sub to the OB/GYN for an ultrasound. Doc had told her to drink plenty of fluid beforehand, which she might've taken to excess. As she was obviously pregnant, and obviously in distress, he let Me off with a warning....and the name of a good car detailer, just in case the dam burst, so to speak.



DeviantlyD -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/28/2007 1:39:41 AM)

*LOL*

Some good ones. My cousin is a retired police officer after 25 years. From the stories he's told me I can TOTALLY believe these comments. One of his co-workers was suspended for a week after a complaint was made about a smart-ass comment he made to a member of the public. I'm going to pass these on to him. :)



ViborgHerre -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/28/2007 7:22:37 AM)

Well - if you didn't do anything - why did you try to escape? If you can tell me a new story, I'll let you go........

Well - a week ago my wife ran away with a police officer - seeing the blue flashes I tought he was trying to return her.

Have a good day,Sir



VeryMercurial -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/28/2007 10:13:28 AM)

They all sound real to me.



Saratov -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/28/2007 7:30:29 PM)

You have the right to remain silent... please use it.



LadyDominaX -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/29/2007 3:54:28 AM)

These remind me of the stories my cousin used to tell about his adventures in the RCMP.

One involved a woman who had bagged up her groceries at the store and then grabbed them and ran without paying.  She was pursued and threw the groceries over the fence of a nearby yard.  When it went to court, she claimed she was innocent, and that she had bought and paid for the groceries.
"If you paid for them, why did you throw them over the fence?" the judge asked.
Her answer?

"Well I had to get rid of the evidence, your honour."



m0rgan -> RE: 16 Police Comments (5/29/2007 3:59:38 AM)

then there was the irish mugger, that had to take part in identity parade, and while standing in the line-up, as soon as the victim came through the door said;

"thats her, thats the woman i robbed!"



ExquisiteStings -> RE: 16 Police Comments (6/30/2011 2:43:05 AM)

I think number 8 is hilarious. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog? I also like the one  about the new handcuffs that will stretch out with wear. Too funny.



sunshinemiss -> RE: 16 Police Comments (6/30/2011 2:59:23 AM)

quote:

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."


I know people who say that about turning straight girls gay from an episode of Ellen...  (From Wikipedia)

Ellen goes out to dinner with her old friend Richard, a reporter who is in town to cover a story. His producer, Susan, joins them for dessert and she and Ellen hit it off. Ellen goes back to Richard's hotel room. He comes on to her and, uncomfortable, Ellen leaves. She runs into Susan in the hall and returns with her to her room. They continue to enjoy each other's company until Susan tells Ellen that she's gay and that she thought Ellen might be too. Ellen denies it and suggests that Susan is trying to "recruit" her. Susan sarcastically says that she'll have to call "national headquarters" and let them know Ellen got away. "Damn, just one more and I would have gotten that toaster oven." An agitated Ellen leaves Susan's room and returns to Richard's room, determined to sleep with him to prove to herself she is not gay.



CelticPrince -> RE: 16 Police Comments (7/3/2011 6:36:26 PM)

bear,

great post, I think mI know one of them.

CP



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