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What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 2:46:01 PM

subinajam

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Joined: 5/27/2007
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After the breakup of your relationship.. you find out that you are pregnant and He wants nothing to do with it?

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 2:52:02 PM

mpnaleksandra2

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Lets see... you keep it/ give it up/ get an abortion.... and if you keep it... you go and file for child support and life goes on. You can't force someone to be around

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 2:53:06 PM

earthycouple

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The same thing everyone else does... you either forget him and move on or you take him to court and "make" (hahahahaha) him pay support. You will never make him love you or the baby if he doesn't want to love. You will never make him see the child if he doesn't want to see the child and good luck actually getting that support if he doesn't want to pay it.

If you don't want the baby...that's a choice only you can make and I have no input as I am biased as all get out.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 3:02:16 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subinajam

After the breakup of your relationship.. you find out that you are pregnant and He wants nothing to do with it?

Do you have family you can go to to help you out? You can't make him love you or the baby, or be around for you, but you can haul his ass into court and make him pay child support.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 3:30:16 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Well it seems as if you have yourself a bit of a dilemma. Your first mistake was your poor choice of Dominant. Your second was your poor choice of birth control. Now you have another choice to make, dont make it 3-0...What do you do?..I am afraid this needs must be your decision.....Just remember that you need to count on yourself first......Tempting

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 3:33:54 PM

Celeste43

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From: NYS
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Get a good lawyer and demand he submits DNA testing and then pays child support. If you're in the same state you can have a lien filed on his salary so the support is paid.

If you don't feel able to raise a child alone, then you can choose not to even have the pregnancy or you can either put the child up for adoption through an agency if you don't wish to pick the adoptive parents yourself. If you do wish to pick the parents you can do so without an agency or through one that will investigate them to make sure they are stable and healthy people. No guarantee for the future of course.

If you used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy then I suggest talking to a genetic counselor about what difficulties the child will experience as a result of that.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 4:06:50 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Well it seems as if you have yourself a bit of a dilemma. Your first mistake was your poor choice of Dominant. Your second was your poor choice of birth control. Now you have another choice to make, dont make it 3-0...What do you do?..I am afraid this needs must be your decision.....Just remember that you need to count on yourself first......Tempting

i'm going to disagree slightly. poor choice of Dominant, definite possibility.

poor choice of birth control? not necessarily. all methods have a failure rate, even surgical ones. i've a friend who concieved while on the pill (taken religiously) and using a condom with spermicide. she's just incredibly fertile. i've had two miscarriages despite having my tubes tied nearly 14 years ago.

and yes, the other poster does have some tough decisions to make. i wish her well in making a wise one.

kitten, who was told "you could have another baby but probably woulndt survive the pregnancy"

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 4:09:23 PM

mythi

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As has been said, you either keep it and love the bejeezus out of it; have it and give it up for adoption either to an agency or to a couple of your choosing (resources for both are available online or with Catholic Charities, etc); or if you consider abortion an acceptible way to 'fix' your mistake there's a third option. You don't have to decide today, but you do have to decide something...I suppose whatever will be easiest for you to live with, given your current situation. And only you can fully understand and answer to that.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 4:33:22 PM

mstrjx

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Well, the question is rather vague in that it doesn't provide much in the way of details.

Let's add water (specifics) and see how this goes.....

Imagine a long-distance relationship that was 'promised' but never had an opportunity to come to fruition. The male counterpart apparently has decided to sever this opportunity after a high level of planning. This news was not apparent at the time of the split.

There are family members close-by (to the expectant mother).

The distance is such that the expectant mother and the presumed father are not in any way, shape, or form within the same jurisdiction.

Certainly mistakes have been made. By both parties. Giving opinions is one thing, judging we should keep offline, okay?

It seems to me that keeping the father in your life could give the notion that you're trying to win him back. Is this what you want? If he relents after backing out of the relationship once, don't you feel he is apt to do the same again?

Having this child will force you to always remember this particular time in your life. Is this what you want? No, the situation isn't fair. Not to you, not to the father, and possible not even to the child-to-be. It is possible, likely even, that you would have liked to have had a child at some point in time. Under these circumstances?

I'll assume from posing the question here that a solution involving fewer than a nine-month span is unthinkable to you. I would not presume to indicate that that is the wrong decision. But as you know, there are many factors involved here, none of which are pleasant.

If you feel that these circumstances are not the best for you, do you know of anyone who you trust that would be able to help you, when the time comes? Is that an alternative?

Jeff

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 4:33:33 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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Concentrate on you and your baby and forget about the loser that can't take responsibility for his actions.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 4:40:07 PM

mythi

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From: Naples, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
Having this child will force you to always remember this particular time in your life. Is this what you want? No, the situation isn't fair. Not to you, not to the father, and possible not even to the child-to-be. It is possible, likely even, that you would have liked to have had a child at some point in time. Under these circumstances?

Jeff

Or she could look at it as at least something very good and wonderful and even miraculous DID come out of this particular time/event in her life...and she didnt even have to put up with some creep long-term to get it!

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 5:18:57 PM

HaveRopeWillBind

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A real dominant takes responsibility for his own actions. Seems like he has forgotten that so I suggest you lawyer up and remind him.

After that it's still your child, nuture it and love it no matter what.

When you go looking for another dominant be sure he/she is aware of the child and is willing to add that child to his/her life along with you.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 6:08:28 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subinajam

After the breakup of your relationship.. you find out that you are pregnant and He wants nothing to do with it?

I am trying real hard to understand why an adult would ask this question....but for the life of me...I just can't find the understanding anywhere.

let's see...the options that are open

abortion
adoption
raise the child on your own

looks pretty clear cut to me

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 8:09:14 PM

slaverosebeauty

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You be the BEST mom you can be and forget the a**hole. You can go to court and get his wages garnished for child support, if he wants nothing to do with the baby, he STILL has the legal responsibility for that child. If you don't want anything to do with him.

Lean on your family and friends for emotional support, get on WIC, and do whats best for you and your baby. Change your focus to the most impoant thing in your life, motherhood.

I'm a single mom, so if you wanna chat, just email me on here. {{hugs}}

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 8:50:25 PM

MsBlackheart

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Nineteen years ago I was in the same situation. I chose to move back to my hometown and do it alone. I never asked for a dime and he never volunteered it. I haven't seen or spoken to him in all that time. His choice. I got the best end of the deal. She's 18 now, and though she's multiply disabled and has to live in 24/7 residential care, she's still the princess and was the making of me.

I made the choice that worked for me. She's so developmentally delayed that she doesn't even know what a "daddy" is, much less ask where hers is, so that makes it easier. It hurt like hell to do it alone when this is meant to be a joyous event and blessing for two people who have pledged to spend their lives together (won't go into what a farce that can be, we all mean well when we put that white dress on). It's sad and I definitely feel for you. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

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RE: What do you do when... - 5/27/2007 9:28:26 PM

subinajam

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i wanted to thank everyone for their opinions, concerns and helpful advice (even those that were bitchy). Thank You Mstrjx for expanding on my very very brief message, i think You were more than fair to both parties

.
i of course chose a new name for myself because i didn't wish to bring undue attention to my normal name nor in any way sully his name.

and yes, perhaps it was a dumb question with obvious answers.. but not all the questions here have to be complex and convoluted.. although, Mstrjx would probably agree it is more so than has been explained here.

Thank you all again for your thoughts and suggestions