The Wrong Way

The Wrong Way (Full Version)

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RiotGirl -> The Wrong Way (5/19/2005 5:44:52 PM)
We keep talking about the "right" way to have a good experience when meeting ppl and to be safe and all that. But it just struck me (writing an email on how to avoid bad experiences) i realised something.......... All the times that i did it the "right" way, i ended up with a Sub posing as a Dom or A Dom that wasnt a Dom or ect. Ppl that werent really Doms. The ONE time i did it the WRONG way. IE driving an hour away from my house meeting him and agreeing to be handcuff along the way back....... (with in 2 hours of "meeting" him) THEN spending ALL weekend with the man (at my place). Who is now the man i call Master Dont ask me WHAT possessed me. i had met a Dom several months before that i WOULD NOT meet until he offered to bring his daughter along to the introduction. No i have no clue what possessed me to follow no common sense or rules or whatever. i suppose i just acted on what i felt. Of course then again, even though i'm small and petite i dont really worry much about bodily damage. Just thought i'd share MY story of the wrong way.........

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/19/2005 5:51:44 PM)
quote: No i have no clue what possessed me to follow no common sense or rules or whatever. i suppose i just acted on what i felt. Some of us are very much in tune with our instincts. Some of us can trust our gut to a fault. I feel very fortunate that I am one of these people. I don't know you RiotGirl, but from this account, I would suggest that you have good instincts as well. If one knows this and is comfortable with this, then yes, instincts are the best bet. However, too many people have not learned how to trust their instincts. It takes a lot of self-assurance and self-confidence to do so. Many people, dominants, submissives, switches, non-kinksters are insecure and cannot use their gut as an accurate gage. For them, it may be a little harder. Tips & tricks are not a bad idea. No matter how in tune we are with ourselves, it never hurts to be somewhat cautious. Thanks for sharing your story. It sounded hot, passionate and fun. - LA

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/19/2005 6:41:37 PM)
Agreed completely with LA- specially with people in dom or sub frenzy. I go with what feels right, this includes saying yes or no. Only when you feel totally comfortable doing BOTH can you say that you "consent" freely.

Lordandmaster -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/19/2005 9:06:19 PM)
I agree with the general sense here that trusting your instincts is usually a good idea, BUT, sometimes when I've trusted my instincts, when my head has told me it was a mistake, I have fucked things up royally. Lam

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/20/2005 4:45:16 AM)
I guess my instincts are a combination of my head, my gut & my heart then... I've had them all say "no" but another part of my anatomy say "yes!!!" and that is where I got into trouble ;) - LA

Stoneygirl76 -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/20/2005 6:38:14 AM)
I know what you mean riot - while I haven't had the chance to find "the one", I too have had meetings where my guidelines (and all my good sense, it seemed) flew right out the window. I didn't follow the established procedures when meeting a dom, and was glad to have trusted my instincts about him. We had great fun on our play dates, and he was never anything except honorable to me. While it's crucial to be safe, sometimes a girl just knows when it's ok to let the guards down. It's a refreshing thing to experience, really, as guarded as we must be in this day and age.

Domcat -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/20/2005 10:55:12 AM)
I still maintain that the best way to meet in this lifestyle is at a munch in a vanilla setting in a public place surrounded by others. I never recomend meeting on line unless it can be followed up by a safe public meeting. Most people on line are not who they claim to be.

Faramir -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/20/2005 11:27:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Domcat I still maintain that the best way to meet in this lifestyle is at a munch in a vanilla setting in a public place surrounded by others. I never recomend meeting on line unless it can be followed up by a safe public meeting. Most people on line are not who they claim to be. Meeting at a munch in a vanilla seting is a fantastic idea - if you live in a metro setting. It is not an option for alot of us that live in remoter areas, or like here in the US south where there isn't much in the way of a LS community. And I'm not sure about "Most people on line are not who they claim to be." Yes, I've been bullshitted a couple of times, but the overwhelming majority of people I have met online are just who they said they were. I'm counting up here, and I have met nine people from B.com (as friends, no initmacy) and they were all exactly who they said they were. I have met three people from alt.com and four people from b.com in intimacy, and they were exactly who they said they were. I've had four no show/bullshitters. None of this includes the 30+ I have met in RL I met through gaming (EQ and NWN). I think the majority of people are pretty honest.

MzBerlin -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/20/2005 3:14:45 PM)
I'd have to agree with Faramir. People who are actually willing to meet you and put the time and effort in are generally who they said they are in my experience. I've met many people off-line and I've never been shocked or dissapointed. If someone is bullshitting you or just trying to have hot chat or whatever, they probably are not going to want to meet in person and make the relationship (intimate or platonic) RT. It's really all about common sense. While I think that it's good to have safety options, like a safe call, they aren't always necessary. I honestly think that the community makes it way more complicated than it has to be. I don't approach BDSM dating any different that I used to approach vanilla dating. Maybe I've been lucky, but I like to think that I've just been smart. It's probably a bit of both. B

SirKenin -> RE: The Wrong Way (5/20/2005 8:27:16 PM)
No matter how much people would like to throw rules at U/us, and of course a lot of them are based on experience, what prevails at the end of the day is good old common sense. Instincts can serve us well, but they are fallible because they are easily swayed by human emotion. I think that what you experienced is the exception, as opposed to the rule. I am very happy for you that it worked out, but it could have turned out very badly at the same time (and I know people where this has in fact been the case). It should not be recommended to A/anyone else, but it sure is nice to hear each and every positive experience in such a negative world none the less, no matter how it was achieved. Congratulations are certainly in order for finding a good Master whom you are happy to serve.

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