What Have i Done

What Have i Done (Full Version)

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chiara -> What Have i Done (5/28/2007 4:28:14 AM)
i need some help and advise Please...... i am very new as a submissive to this lifestyle.i have spoken and met a Dom from here....alls good so far, i hear you say....i have been to visit Him ( He is in a different Country ) twice now.The first time i stayed in a Hotel for the 5 days i was there.i have just returned after another 5 days, within a month from His Home......This is where the problem arises.....He is converting a very very old building, now when i was there, i realised there was a financial flow problem, which we discussed whilst i was there, now that i am back home, He tells me that He is going to take a roof down in a room and expose beams, all well and good, but this is not a young man, and He is in a very remote area, and it could be some days before He was found, if anything happened. This morning, i have mailed Him, asking if a certain amount of money would at least pay part and parecl of this work, i was offering that to Him............. . Oh Dear....silly sillly me.............Yes, of course He was furious.......His words were i am vastly overstepping myself He is away for a few days and i would like to know what and where i start to put this right...............

Politesub53 -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 4:55:35 AM)
Whats the problem ? You made a kind offer which he wasnt to happy about. It could be he thinks you are being too forward. All i would do is explain that the offer was made as a token of friendship and nothing more. Then see what his reply is. I doubt anyone would get too upset at you just for trying to be kind. [;)]

chiara -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:05:02 AM)
politesub........Thanks for your imput, sadly , He is angry ........

MasterFatePgh -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:13:49 AM)
That is certainly an interesting problem, but not unique.Do not be surprised if He changes his mind about the money........

bandit25 -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:17:26 AM)
That was very sweet, but I have to agree, you overstepped. However, you did it in friendship so he should be able to get past his anger and realize it for what it was. I agree with another poster. Simply write him an email explaining why (leave out the older part...no one wants to be reminded of that) and see what his response was. Leave it somewhat light. It was a mistake, nothing more.

chiara -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:19:42 AM)
MasterFatePgh... Thanks for the reply.

chiara -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:24:17 AM)
Bandit25.......Thank you < smiling> Oh yes, the old bit will certainly stay out, however i think the issue as He sees it at the moment is one of insult !! But i am happy to try anything.....

sub4hire -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:41:48 AM)
In my experience growing up. Older people used to think money was control. Perhaps this man also feels that way. So, in other words if you pay his way or give him money. You are in essence going to be the one in control. So, you are trying to top from the bottom. Control the entire situation. Clearly that is not the case. However, it doesn't mean he is not thinking that way. It would also explain the fact you are overstepping your bounds. I would apologize and hope for the best. That it has not broken the relationship beyond fixing. Really it all just depends on his frame of mind.

MistressAinCT -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 5:44:16 AM)
chaira...I don't know you and I am hard pressed to understand your predicament, but you should remember Shakespeare when he says "Neither a borrower nor lender be...". you are NOT collared to this man, he doesn't live near you, and yet you offer him money??? Know this: people who have known each other for decades borrow and lend money then wind up in court. Unless you are prepared to NEVER see this cash again, then by all means give it to him. The only alternative to this disaster is to draw up a contract, but in BDSM the only contracts are slave contracts. If this person accepts your money, you will be shit out of luck trying to get it back. I don't like being the voice of reality (strike that-I DO!) but I lent a Domme "friend" of mine cash to get her kid out of jail and I never saw it again despite her promises to return it. I am both appalled and understanding of your gesture but reality is: if you are an heiress with an unending supply of income, then by all means give the money away (I have a paypal acct, btw--just let Me know and I'll tell you where to send the cash...). But if you yourself are hard pressed for cash, this is a mistake. you can't buy a Dominant's affection (but you sure can try!!!) so also realize that you could be losing more than you are gaining. Good luck!

WillowRain -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 6:08:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chiara i need some help and advise Please...... i am very new as a submissive to this lifestyle.i have spoken and met a Dom from here....alls good so far, i hear you say....i have been to visit Him ( He is in a different Country ) twice now.The first time i stayed in a Hotel for the 5 days i was there.i have just returned after another 5 days, within a month from His Home......This is where the problem arises.....He is converting a very very old building, now when i was there, i realised there was a financial flow problem, which we discussed whilst i was there, now that i am back home, He tells me that He is going to take a roof down in a room and expose beams, all well and good, but this is not a young man, and He is in a very remote area, and it could be some days before He was found, if anything happened. This morning, i have mailed Him, asking if a certain amount of money would at least pay part and parecl of this work, i was offering that to Him............. . Oh Dear....silly sillly me.............Yes, of course He was furious.......His words were i am vastly overstepping myself He is away for a few days and i would like to know what and where i start to put this right............... Apologize for second guessing his judgement. You're heart was in the right place, wanting to help, it just sounds like you dented his pride by offering. You could politely explain your fears, that you think it's a hard job removing a roof and it would make you worry for anyone to do that job alone. Let him know that you would feel better if he had a friend help him, but that you won't fuss or complain about his final decision about what he is going to do. If he is a descent sort, this should blow past pretty quickly I think. He'll probably be fine. Try not to worry.

igor2003 -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 6:09:32 AM)
You don't say whether you mentioned your concerns about his safety when you offered the money so perhaps he simply thinks you are attempting to buy your way into his life. I would recommend writing back and explaining your concern about his safety in such a remote area. Don't mention his age since accidents can happen to anyone, young or old. And of course appologize for offending him even though it was inadvertant. A lot of people are very independant and enjoy their ability to do various jobs, so there is also the possibiity that it is not the money that offended him. I t could be that he took it as a negative attitude about his ability. You don't go into any detail about the work he is proposing to do, but as a carpenter myself i can say that exposing beams in a ceiling is probably not all that dangerous to do unless it is an extremely high ceiling, so i wouldn't be too concerned about his safety. Have you considered offering your assistance instead of money? He might enjoy having a submissive around while he is doing the work to help with the cleanup, etc. You would be serving him in a submissive mannor as well as being there while he is working just in case something did go wrong. Hope all turns out well for you.

bandit25 -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 6:13:06 AM)
I'm sure he is insulted, but when he cools down, if he's a decent sort, he'll realize you meant well. As far as control...maybe, but I doubt that this has anything to do with D/s. It's more of a guy thing...although I know women who would be insulted also.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 6:23:39 AM)
While your intent was good it may have offended him a bit. Let him cool off a day or so and then try to communicate with him again.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 6:25:48 AM)
There's an old saying where I come from: "Fuck all the stupid shit." Don't write him elaborate, detailed email trying to explain yourself. Or trying to figure out the exact reason he is angry. Just tell him you're sorry. Nothing more, nothing less. He'll either forgive you or he won't. It may take a little time or it may not. It maybe that when he gets back in touch with you, he's already forgotten about it. Just don't over analyze it.

jauntyone -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 6:50:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 There's an old saying where I come from: "Fuck all the stupid shit." Don't write him elaborate, detailed email trying to explain yourself. Or trying to figure out the exact reason he is angry. Just tell him you're sorry. Nothing more, nothing less. He'll either forgive you or he won't. It may take a little time or it may not. It maybe that when he gets back in touch with you, he's already forgotten about it. Just don't over analyze it. Greetings I would have to agree with what Master Discipline said here. Don't write an elaborate or detailed reason for why you did what you did. Simply say once again that you are sorry and leave it at that. He will either forgive or he will not; either way, accept his decision. I wish you well melissa

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 9:57:31 AM)
THis is totally his baggage and nothing to do with you. Unless he has specifically ordered you never to offer this service to him before, you've done nothing inappropriate. This is part of training. If his ego doesn't like it, well that's his problem that he needs to deal with and not make you feel like you've done something wrong. If he doesn't want you to do it, he should tell you not to do it if he hasn't told you not to before, how were you to know it was something that would cause him to flip out? Frankly someone who was so ungrateful about a gift given sincerely AND whose ego was so easily offended would be a big step back for me, but this is your relationship.

chiara -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 11:26:11 AM)
LuckyAlbatross. Thank you for your mail...........The fact that you have put the word trainning in here, has helped me with this.....

chiara -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 11:27:55 AM)
jauntyone.... Thank you, i honestly dont think i did anything wrong........... but yes a very simple mail is on its way to Him........

BrokenDoll -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 11:29:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross THis is totally his baggage and nothing to do with you. Unless he has specifically ordered you never to offer this service to him before, you've done nothing inappropriate. This is part of training. If his ego doesn't like it, well that's his problem that he needs to deal with and not make you feel like you've done something wrong. If he doesn't want you to do it, he should tell you not to do it if he hasn't told you not to before, how were you to know it was something that would cause him to flip out? Frankly someone who was so ungrateful about a gift given sincerely AND whose ego was so easily offended would be a big step back for me, but this is your relationship. This is the only thing that was said here that I can say I agree with. Everyone is telling her to apologise or that she over steped her bounds. I personally think that is bull shit and the problem lies entirely in the "Dom" who's ego is way to big. She was beeing nice and worried and she did something nice by offering to help him if he needed the money. Now I understand that some people dont like to borrow money and that for some people it is an ego thing. However most would see this was a offer from the heart, refuse as politley as it was offered and see it as a wonderfull thing that this sub can give so unselfishly of herself. He did not do that, He allowed her offer to hurt his ego and then lashed out at her for it. This doesnt seem to me like anyone in controll, or who I would want to be in controll of me.

windchymes -> RE: What Have i Done (5/28/2007 11:47:30 AM)
You said he lived in another country.....in many other parts of the world, they have cultural differences and traditions different from ours (or yours, seeing that you're in the UK :) ) What is a "friendly gesture" on our part could be perceived as "extremely offensive" in another country. But, like others here have said, it's his problem, not yours. When you form relationships with those from different cultures, you both have to take the other's beliefs and lifestyles into consideration when dealing with each other. On the other hand, it helps to be able to recognize the difference between "cultural differences" and "personality quirks".

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