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desperately seeking advice - 5/20/2005 7:00:38 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

My Master and I have been together 27/7 since January. This is the 2nd 24/7 M/s relationship I have been involved in and my Masters 1st experience in a 24/7 M/s relationship. My life, the lives of my 2 children have always been fairly structured and consistent. It has had to be because my 2 children are autistic and they need it. Much like them I need consistency I need a strict daily routine. This doesn’t mean n I need to be told what to do every minute of every day, but that I need to know what is expect of me each and every day. What tasks need to be done, how they are expected to be done, and when they are to be done by, and the consequences of them not being done.

Before I took his collar we knew each other quiet some time. He was my best in the world. He was one of the strongest yet most gentle and loving man I had ever met. Since the day he put his collar on me it feels like our friendship was sacrificed. Although we talk still its not like it was before, it seems stiffer. We used to laugh and joke. I am very sarcastic in nature, he used to find a lot of my sarcasm humorous still does from time to time now, but other times its like a cardinal sin to play and tease. For the most part I’ve stopped playing and joking in general the past few weeks, because I never know how he is going to react. In truth I hate the thought of displeasing him in the slightest. He tells me to read him, but by the time I read his relation it’s to late my playful is either accepted or displeasing.

My primary duty is caring for my Master and the children. Through the day he gives me writing assignments and chores to do. These things tend to change lately, like day to night and I am left feeling lost and displeasing. One minute I think I know what he desires and how he desires it the next its changed and I’ve become very frustrated. I feel like I am a roller coaster ride, twisting and turning.

And yes, we talk and talk and talk about the consistency issue. It’s created a wall between us. One I hate. One that leaves me feeling like putting the label of Master and slave on our relationship has cost me my best friend and my Master. I truly don’t know what to do at this point. He owns me completely that will not change but right now neither of us are happy and don’t now and we don’t how to fix it. Please don’t take this as me bashing my Master because I’m not, I just really could use some advice right about now.

Nika, Phoenix's deviant

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/20/2005 7:06:29 AM >

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RE: desperately seeking advice - 5/20/2005 7:11:24 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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What does HE say about his inconsistency?

I used to go nuts over that as well, until I learned to just accept it.

This is how he puts it "I'm very inconsistent, except when I'm not"

This is how I put it "Everything is tentative with the Owner."

I have learned that there are different types of consistency. I KNOW that if an emergency occurred and I needed him, he'd be there. I KNOW that he wants to make this a long term relationship. I KNOW he will do the things that need to be done to get there.

However, if he cancels a date, forgets a phone call, that's life. In fact, that's WHO HE IS.

Now, you are a grown woman with children, obviously you do need some sort of consistency, but you don't necessarily need to be told every day what needs to be done. Perhaps stop focusing on the "little tasks" that pop up and don't really add much to things in the long term now that you ARE so deeply committed to eachother, and just start living together. Just start going out and enjoying eachother.

Perhaps you are both too focused on being some "ideal" of dom and slave and cannot simply recognize that who you are IS dom and slave, and you can express your personalities likewise.

But, talk to him some more, does he have solutions? Does he see a problem with your training and progress? Is he happy? Yes over time you will learn to read him, but having nice long conversations over who you are and how you feel can help immensly.

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RE: desperately seeking advice - 5/20/2005 7:54:15 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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I had a few reactions to what you described. It may be nonsense if there are pieces to the puzzle left out or misinterpreted.

quote:

Since the day he put his collar on me it feels like our friendship was sacrificed.

The before and after collar behavior reminds me of the predatory nature of seduction. A guy can can be on his best behavior and act as if the gal is the most fascinating creature in the world, and that lasts until they actually fuck. After that he reverts to his normal self and only uses as much charm as is necessary to fuck her some more.. So it looks to me like he stayed positive and kept his moodiness under control until you took his collar, after that he could do as he pleased.

quote:

He tells me to read him

*rolling my eyes* . . . Ah, so now he wants to put the burden on you to predict whether or not he is in a good mood. If he ever takes to wearing a tin foil hat you'll be in trouble because he'll be trying to keep everyone from reading his brain waves.

quote:

And yes, we talk and talk and talk about the consistency issue. It’s created a wall between us. One I hate. One that leaves me feeling like putting the label of Master and slave on our relationship has cost me my best friend and my Master.

You say you talk about the consistency issue, but do you also talk about how you feel about the way it has affected the relationship as you've told us in that last sentence (which I've tried to put in bold)?

To me, the problem isn't the inconsistency in his behavior now, but that you were duped because his behavior now is inconsistent with the way he acted before you took his collar. It is similar to the stories you hear (ok, I see them all the time on true crime tv shows) about the guy who is prince charming during the courtship and then turns into maniac wife beater after they marry. Ok, so your case isn't that severe, but it illustrates the point.

So I dunno what else to tell ya, except that it looks like he's accepting no responsibility at all for sorting this out; saying "read me" is just bs to make you do the work. Until he takes constructive steps to work on this problem caused by his change in behavior, you'll probably just have to be miserable.

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RE: desperately seeking advice - 5/20/2005 8:08:24 AM

DrkAngl

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/9/2005
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Phoenixandnika,

I'm also raising an Autistic child, so I understand the need for structure. Mine also has aggression progblems and ADHD that goes with his condition.

You are more than welcome to email me sometime if you'd like to chat more on Autism. gabrielle5_99

Also, two URLs that might be useful.

www.dotolearn.com
free printables that are useable with Autistic children

www.our-kids.org
A email listing of over 800 people. Great reasource and support group as well.

From what you're saying, he reminds me a lot of someone with ADD. I have it as well as my son. Their moods usually can change like the wind. Also, ADD are bad about from flitting from one thing to another. Starting many tasks, but rarely completeing one unless it's the latest obcession.

If it's an obcession a person with ADD could concentrate on it for days, months, or even longer. Once they get what they want, the desire to keep things up leaves. They are also not always great with relationships, they bore easily as well.

There are other behaviors which usually go with ADD. They are easy to lookup on the internet if you're interested.

Have you ever considered giving him his collar back and calling things off?

How are your children reacting to this arrangement as well. The children need to be thought of. How will all this negativity will impact them, short term and long term. Autistic children are very highly sensitive to any changes, even emotional changes, in those around them. They pick up on "vibes" very well and will usually react negativity when bad vibes are around.

< Message edited by DrkAngl -- 5/20/2005 8:20:51 AM >

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