Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Chinese Torture Test


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Chinese Torture Test Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Chinese Torture Test - 5/28/2007 9:21:50 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he notices smoke coming out of the chimney and assumes that someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man with a beard almost down to the ground answers.

The old man squints. "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or a place to sleep all that time. I would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight."

The old man says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter." The man, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees, saying, "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." The old Chinese man replies, "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests known to man." "OK, OK," the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

That night, when the man came down to eat, he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, he had spent many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather. They both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but they did keep the noise to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."

Next morning the man awoke feeling a heavy weight. He opened his eyes and saw a huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "First Chinese Torture Test: 100-pound rock on your chest." "What a lame torture test," the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "Second Chinese Torture Test: Rock tied to right testicle." The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumped out the window after the rock. Outside the window was a third sign saying "Third Chinese Torture Test: Left testicle tied to bedpost."


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/28/2007 9:55:06 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
Ow!

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/28/2007 11:03:48 PM   
mastercreeker


Posts: 70
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline
Upon picturing that, think My boys just hid halfway up My chest....hereby second Marc2B ooooowwwwww

(in reply to Marc2b)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/29/2007 12:42:30 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
I'd seen the joke before, but the description of your reaction mastercreeker was as good as the joke itself! *LOL RT*

(in reply to mastercreeker)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/29/2007 11:48:43 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline
lol! Wussies! 

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/29/2007 7:39:33 PM   
mistresszariah1


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
to funny

_____________________________

Mistress Zariah

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/30/2007 7:57:31 AM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
 Talk about CBT!!

< Message edited by Saratov -- 5/30/2007 7:59:02 AM >

(in reply to mistresszariah1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/30/2007 6:18:00 PM   
TopinPa


Posts: 111
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline
Funny!

(in reply to Saratov)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/31/2007 9:38:45 PM   
Tenebrious


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: right behind you
Status: offline
Maybe it's just because I "think too much" but the first two things that came to my mind were:

#1. Why would he throw the rock out the window?
#2. How wouldn't he notice things tied to his testicles before he threw the rock out the window?

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 5/31/2007 10:38:14 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tenebrious

Maybe it's just because I "think too much" but the first two things that came to my mind were:

#1. Why would he throw the rock out the window?
#2. How wouldn't he notice things tied to his testicles before he threw the rock out the window?

#1. Because he's a guy, and guys do odd things. Perhaps it was due to the fact that his chest was being compressed, causing a deficiency of oxygen in his brain, which lead to faulty thinking/reasoning processes.

#2. If they were tied tight enough, he would have lost feeling in his testes. Also, this occured in China. Lots of nifty medical knowlege abounds - particularily with monks, who also frequented the old mans place. Perhaps the old man spiked the guy's food, in anticipation of him screwing around with his granddaughter.



_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Tenebrious)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 6/4/2007 4:44:33 PM   
ta2dqt


Posts: 375
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
EEEkkkk!!!! 

_____________________________

"Ask not that your Dom can do for you, but what you can do for your Dom."

"People are like fine wine, they get better with age!"

"Everything happens for a reason."



myspace.com/theoneandonlyta2dqt

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 6/5/2007 2:28:23 AM   
vampyerslave


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline
ok thats just dumb how the hell would he not feel it tied to his balls sorry its dumb

(in reply to ta2dqt)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 6/6/2007 9:52:29 AM   
cinlela


Posts: 49
Joined: 5/27/2005
Status: offline
 1...
a good torture for the WANKERS....LOL

(in reply to Marc2b)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Chinese Torture Test - 6/6/2007 10:02:54 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline
Actually, it's a mistranslation.
All males from Dong Xi couples will be aware, that 3rd chinese torture is actually "Left testicle tied to prospective chinese mother-in-law". It's a tonal thing.

J (and c hasn't read this)

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to cinlela)
Profile   Post #: 14
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Chinese Torture Test Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.313