SirDominic
Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl
if i had to fill out a questionaire, it would that the Dom in question has no communication skills. you cannot read a person's body language off a piece of paper.
Wow, what a comment. A Dom should be able to read the subs mind just by watching body language. What about all the newbies who don't know enough to know they should indicate if things are getting too intense for them. What about the subs who don't want to disappoint, and try to hang in there even when they are already past their comfort zone. Whatever happened to communicate, communicate, communicate. A Dom can indeed learn a great deal from the sub's body language, but that is no substitute for real information from them.
I think it also depends on whether one is into scening with friends at a fetish party versus a one on one ongoing relationship. Of course, no-one should be presented with such a list at the first meeting (and again the OP never said that). Nor even the first several meetings.
Once you reach a certain level of comfortableness, and both believe it is a relationship that might be worth pursuing, bringing up such a list is critical to my way of thinking. I have used one with every sub I have had, and never once was it received negatively. Rather, they were encouraged that I cared enough about them to really understand what intrigued them, what scared them, what they would never want to do.
For my list, I don't use a numbering system; rather I ask them to list whether each kink is something they:
already love;
are eager to try;
are uneasy about;
and lastly what they consider their hard limits.
We then discuss her answers, and I tell them what MY hard limits are. Yes, Masters have them, too. If someone just has to have breath control play to get off, we are not right for each other as that is not something I will ever do.
Of course, this document is not set in stone. We all know that as a relationship builds, and trust deepens, very often what was once considered a hard limit doesn't seem so scary anymore. But as a starting point, this is where we are Right Now, it is invaluable.
The newer you are to fetish, the more important such a list is to teach the dominant where to go slowly, where to go more forcefully. Personally, I believe even Doms that have had several subs/slaves should still use such a list. You may have ten years experience, for me it is over 20, but with each new person it is like starting from the beginning. It is a careless Master who thinks he is above needing such things because he is so experienced, i.e. full of himself.
I’m not suggesting that you can’t feel that sense of trust, that belief that you are with the one who will cherish you just the way you desire. But if you could, now with me, I think a big part of that is to have as much detailed information as you can acquire.
Namaste, Sir Dominic
_____________________________
You teach best what you have lived.
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Submissive Questionaire - 
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I tend to look over a questionnaire and talk to them about things they have an interests in as well as things they don't.
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