quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantDiva

This website is no longer updated, but there are quite a wealth of topics and quotes relating to D/s relationships; primarly the site was geared toward those who wished to explore and write about their submission:

http://www.inhischains.com/kindlings/

Sadly, it appears the site was intended only for things written by female subs, not that male subs can't learn from their female counterparts in the lifestyle.  Yet, it seems to me that male submissives perhaps have some unique issues we face as men serving women that need to be shared with ourselves & others, discussed, validated and released.

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ORIGINAL: JpnsTigerrrlily


I'm not sure how it's been for others, but I've had a difficult time finding submissives/slaves that are good at writing. Most seem to have a difficult time with it. The current person I am considering is having a really hard time and I'm trying to figure out how to get what I want from him, without him feeling stuck in a corner about it.

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ORIGINAL: DeviantDiva

Yes Pixelslave and Lady Hugs,

I completely agree...the Kindlings website is definitely geared toward the female submissive and I apologize for not specifiying when I presented that link.   I was so excited to pass it along, I overlooked that...my bad!  What I have done in the past is modify some of those prompts for the male submissive I was working with.

The male sub's point of view and opportunity to express his thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences very much do need to be explored and there should be a creative outlet for this.  Hmmmm....maybe *I'll* look at the possibility of putting a male version of Kindlings together someday...it really would be a worthwhile project to initiate.  Maybe its time for that loud silence to be broken....

Thanks for making me think more about this.  =)

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ORIGINAL: JpnsTigerrrlily

I can't tell you how happy I was to find this discussion. :) I've also been requiring writing from potential suitors for years. I find that it quickly weeds out the dedicated from those that are looking for play. I have them research different topics, giving them a set number of articles to locate(3-5 normally), then write a summary and an opinion.

Most of it is D/s related, but some of it is also focused around personal growth and simply things that they're interested in. I have them keep an online journal and everything the write is kept there, so we both have access to all the articles/entries in one easy to locate place. I also give specific topics to write about, so I can find out not only what they think about something but the WHY behind it. I love having them write in journal form because it gives a place that you can track growth and see where they were at one time and compare it to where they are now.

I'm not sure how it's been for others, but I've had a difficult time finding submissives/slaves that are good at writing. Most seem to have a difficult time with it. The current person I am considering is having a really hard time and I'm trying to figure out how to get what I want from him, without him feeling stuck in a corner about it.

Depending on the sub, if you're considering them in person, you may find that they're more likely to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions verbally with you in person.  They may need the human connection to do so.  Admitting their feelings to themselves alone in private may be more difficult or frightening/scarier for them to admit than sharing them with their Dominant or can provide aftercare and validation that they're okay for having them.  Some may respond well to something akin to a mild interrrogation scene and will then tell you anything you want to know, and feel better by releasing them throught that process.   Perhaps what I've just described is something akin to the "forced bi" thing where the desires are there, but the man is inhibited or has a lot of shame because of them; but his Domme telling him to act upon them gives him the freedom in his mind to do so.  Please, that's just an example for illustration purposes and let's not get into the discussion/debate on the topic.

Remember, we're all different and have unique ways of expressing ourselves.  Society has taught men to suppress many of the things that we desire as submissives.  I'm 49 and it's only recently that I've been able to express some of my most primal desires to be my new Mistress' total man slut in any way she desires (to use relatively polite terms).  She has been able to help me release any guilt or shame that remained from some of what society and the legal system throughout my divorce & custody/visitation battle for my unmentionables (the psych eval was hell for me) has within the last few years imprinted within me, not to mention the affects of abuse by my former Mistress/spouse who continues to try to control my life through my unmentionables.  

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ORIGINAL: DeviantDiva

Yes Pixelslave and Lady Hugs,

I completely agree...the Kindlings website is definitely geared toward the female submissive and I apologize for not specifiying when I presented that link.   I was so excited to pass it along, I overlooked that...my bad!  What I have done in the past is modify some of those prompts for the male submissive I was working with.

The male sub's point of view and opportunity to express his thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences very much do need to be explored and there should be a creative outlet for this.  Hmmmm....maybe *I'll* look at the possibility of putting a male version of Kindlings together someday...it really would be a worthwhile project to initiate.  Maybe its time for that loud silence to be broken....

Thanks for making me think more about this.  =)

You're welcome DeviantDiva.  It would indeed be a worthy project as there does seem to be an absense of resources for the sharing of thoughts and information on the lifestyle from and between heterosexual male subs.  The gay leather community seems to have more available to them than we do in the way of such resources and books.

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ORIGINAL: foolishguy

  To be of value, though, the Domme must be interested in the answers.

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ORIGINAL: foolishguy
  I would love to be given writing assignments. Especially assignments that lead to self exploration or the exploration of the connection between myself and my Domme (should I ever be so lucky to have one), and assignments which help clarify and promote the Domme/sub relationship - if possible leading to a stronger, better, more complete bonding with the Domme.

  To be of value, though, the Domme must be interested in the answers.

As others have noted and already commented, I'd take issue with your statements as quoted above.  There is much you can learn about yourself and your own submission from writing.  Much of this is what a potential Mistress will want you to know, and YOU will need to know it in order to find the one who is "right for you" and just as important, to recognize her when you meet her!

You may find some of the writing assignments in the book titled "Training with Miss Abernathy" of value to you in that regard.  It's chock full of them along with references to other books and resources that may also be of interest to you if you desire to become a better and more valuable submissive to the Mistress you may eventually serve.  There are other sites on the web that probably have questions for subs to complete that you may find good ones to use for self-reflection as well.  You may for example want to spend some time writing about you feelings about all the various interests, both kink and vanilla, that are listed as options for selection when creating a profile here on CM.  I'm positive there are many other things you could easily choose to write about (and later share them), such as "what does being submissive mean to you?" 

The more you know about yourself, your thoughts and desires, the more you'll be able to share those things (note: probably best to wait until asked on many subjects) with a woman who may want to consider you for her submissive and that's the point I'm trying to make!

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ORIGINAL: Calandra

I am very much a "teaching Dom/me". Regardless of the intelligence, education or wisdom level of those who serve Me, I require that they always have some means of expanding their minds and keeping their brains sharp. Anyone who serves Me must enjoy the process of learning as much as I do.

That said, I have given written assignments for years. Journaling is great, but I will also ask them to read articles or books, or I will give them a task and then require that they give a written report on it. I've found that this is great whether the sub/slave is in your home, part time but local, and even long distance through online training.

Does anyone else do this? If so, what topics or assignments have been most useful/revealing/humorous, etc? Do you have any resources that you swear by?

Inquiring minds want to know....