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please help - 5/21/2005 4:55:52 AM   
tigress31047


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		hi E/everyone...this is my first post and i'm not sure where to put it so if i'm inthe wrong place i apologize ahead of time

Here is my problem...i am fairly new to this lifestyle..i have been reasearching and reading for several months and chatting online with serveral Doms.i finaly met one that seems to be just what i want and need ( btw..i was told yesterday that what i want and is clouding my vision of what i need ) but thats another subject...anyway ..on to the question...this Dom and i have been talking for a little over a month for hours a day .very often till wee hours of the moring on the phone ...W/we finally set a meeet date ...i was sooo excited and prepared for a week to make it as perfect as possible...He called me 3 hrs before the meet time and cancelled ..(family medical emergency) i know i have to give him the benefitof the doubt on this one...but i have this little knot in my stomach telling me otherwise...i was very hurt and and actually cried as the meeting time came and went... i felt so alone and abandoned that i went into a yahoo bsdm chat room to chat and maybe get my mind off it for a while ...immediatly i was overwhelmed with pm's ( as they don't read the profiles there either) i juct clicked most of them off and continued chatting in the main room ...however ..one Doms message caught my eye and i answered him ...W//we talked till 2 am He has all the qualitites and then some that the Dom i was to meet does not seem to posess....
now my question is : I know a sub cannot serve 2 people ..can i explore this new Dom without messing up what i have with the first or can i? am i just being resentful of the fact that He stood me up ? someone please help ...i know i will get bashed for this post ..its ok ...i expect it
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: please help - 5/21/2005 5:37:03 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		tigress...welcome to the boards.

You have not even yet met Dom #1 so I would certainly not think that you are committed to him. There is no reason why you can not talk with and even date more than one Dom, up until the point that you make a commitment to one of them. Being brand new I would highly recommend that you talk to lots of different people and get a feel for what it is you really want in a Dominant. Just be upfront about what you are doing and don't lead them to think that they are the only one you are considering. If they can't deal with the fact that you are considering all of your options, then I would say that is an insecurity on their part.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to tigress31047)
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RE: please help - 5/21/2005 6:55:13 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You're in frenzy, you're overwhelmed. Just go with the flow and enjoy for now. Don't make a commitment to anyone for a few months. See what's out there and what isn't. Try dating around.

(in reply to tigress31047)
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RE: please help - 5/21/2005 7:39:34 AM   
sputniklove


Posts: 39
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		There is no reason whatsoever for you to be bashed in a post as this, go slowly,and see what it is you may want to find in a Dom. All is not to be decided in a day or a month or via phone calls with someone you have never met. Good luck with all things in your search for someone to be submissive to. You may want to meet several dom's before commiting to anyone,as the saying goes not all that glitters is gold.

(in reply to tigress31047)
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RE: please help - 5/21/2005 8:35:11 AM   
Lepidoptera


Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone has said this, but I'll say it again:

You have made no commitment to the first Dom. You are free to do whatever you want. Don't throw away a perfectly good potential Dom just because you've been talking to another one :D. They're hard to come by!

(in reply to sputniklove)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: please help - 5/21/2005 9:50:20 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
greetings to the board tigress -

Just take your time, and be patient - doesn't that sound really annoying?
However it is the best advice anyone can get. You are embarking on a new journey and you need to be aware of your desires and of yourself before you have to feel that you are commited to anyone else. Explore, take your time and inhale experiences - ask lots of questions - don't fear that any question is wrong, because its not.

I just wanted to add, also to this point -


quote:

I know a sub cannot serve 2 people ..


Not true. It depends upon your situation and the choices made within the relationships you are involved in.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to tigress31047)
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RE: please help - 5/21/2005 10:35:25 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i was sooo excited and prepared for a week to make it as perfect as possible...He called me 3 hrs before the meet time and cancelled ..(family medical emergency) i know i have to give him the benefitof the doubt on this one...but i have this little knot in my stomach telling me otherwise...


That little knot in your stomach is probably your instinct. Listen to it.


quote:

now my question is : I know a sub cannot serve 2 people ..can i explore this new Dom without messing up what i have with the first or can i? am i just being resentful of the fact that He stood me up ? someone please help ...i know i will get bashed for this post ..its ok ...i expect it


I disagree. A submissive can serve several people. It depends on your circumstances.

And if he stood you up, then you have a right to resent it. Even more so you have a right to move on and date/talk to people who actually want to take things from OL to RL

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: please help - 5/21/2005 10:51:36 AM   
darksparkle


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Gosh tigress, I'm sorry you had to experience that. Unfortunately this is not that uncommon, meetings canceled for whatever reasons.... Sometimes it feels like a roller-coaster ride of emotions, that's for sure.

You mentioned Yahoo...
I know of a group there called Submissives_Questions & Answers. I've been aquatinted with the group owners, (a M/s couple), for a couple years now and have found their insight quite helpful when I was in need of words of wisdom, not to mention they are very warm hearted people...

Sometimes chatting with good insightful people with out ulterior motives can be very helpful. Reading other's questions and the replies is also very educational as well.

Anyway, it's there if you ever have a desire to check it out.


_____________________________

He reaches down & his fingers caress my cheek. Lifting my chin, his intense gaze holds me as he tells me to dance in the way that we choose to live. "Dance for me, my little sparkle, dance to the beat of a different drummer."....

(in reply to tigress31047)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: please help - 5/22/2005 5:46:52 AM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		tigress...

Unfortunately and more often than not first meetings are cancelled for one reason or another, don't be discouraged.

Have you thought of attending any local functions, like a munch? I think it's a much better way of meeting a local Dom/me, than a chat room. It's been my experience that 90% of chatters are players, and aren't who they claim to be, and it's hard to weed out the legitimate Dom/mes from the fakes.

< Message edited by subrob1967 -- 5/22/2005 5:47:41 AM >

(in reply to darksparkle)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: please help - 5/23/2005 9:46:27 AM   
tigress31047


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		Thank Y/You all so much for Y/your imput on the situation...Dom#1 and i have talked since He cancelled and are going to move foward slowly..while i thought i was ready for all this to happen so quickly i realize now that i need to slow down and think things out a little more clearly and not just jump right in for the thrill of the moment ...i have alot more reasearch to do..a slave friend of mine got her Master to speak with me and from the questions He posed to me that i had no answer for i realized i am not fully ready to jump into this without some more guidance..so..i have decided to take on amentor for now and learn and go to some munches and meet people and just go slow ....again ..i thank Y/you all for the advice and i will try to keep everyone updated as things progresses...

(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: please help - 5/23/2005 10:03:27 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If you aren't ready to make a good decision on choosing a dom for yourself, what makes you believe you have the skills and readiness to choose an appropriate mentor?

(in reply to tigress31047)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: please help - 5/23/2005 10:24:09 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		In your post it sounds like you haven't spoken with your original Dom since what was supposed to be your meeting date... Like others have said, I say don't be discouraged. If you know things won't work out with the original, that's cool. I think you at least owe him a phone call to tell him you're no longer interested. ^_^

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

(in reply to tigress31047)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: please help - 5/23/2005 1:44:42 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

If you aren't ready to make a good decision on choosing a dom for yourself, what makes you believe you have the skills and readiness to choose an appropriate mentor?



good question, but she needs to make these choices herself and know whom she can trust.

just my opinion.

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 13
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