Aswad
Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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Mikal,
I must say you made my day. Thanks for sharing. Is it horrible if I admit to laughing my ass off at this? 
That said, it might be your mum actually has some unrealized interests in that department, but I'm sure you didn't want to hear that, and don't want to know if it's the case. ~g~
Horror stories? Not really.
But I can say that I did not relish hearing from my mum that my uncle had been going through my stuff while we were moving, had found handcuffs, rope, whips and such, and was very worried that we might be into breath play, something he's had the unfortunate experience of retrieving bodies from (he's a cop).
Now, the idea that my uncle had gone through my stuff and found various play items was of course not pleasant in itself. But explaining to my mom that I wasn't into breath play inevitably led to explaining about bondage, whipping and stuff. Which she was fine with; she's very open-minded that way. I, however, am not as comfortable discussing my sex life with her as she is. There are things I don't need to know, like what amazing stamina my dad apparently has. 
Similarly, back in my teens, she was driving me and some friends to some social event. So this friend of mine starts talking about this totally hot chick he'd seen, and everyone else starts joining in about that. I quietly inform him that it's my sister, five years younger than I am. Cue akward silence. Not sure how the conversation got from A to B, but at some point just before dropping us off, my mom commented to him something along the lines of "Sure, it's nice to get a good fuck, but she's not old enough for that."
I don't remember where the conversation went from there, as I was too busy trying to sink through the car and into that gaping hole in the ground that I hoped awaited me underneath it.
Nowadays, I'm more comfortable discussing things with her, but I'd still rather avoid it altogether. Guess we'll be "coming out" at some point, and I'll probably have to explain the dynamics in detail, but for now my age means I can't afford the liability that coming out unfortunately represents in terms of employability in my line of work. Of course, at that point, I'm a lot more worried about explaining things to my mother-in-law; she is a fair bit like you describe your mom, minus the religious part and the thinking-it's-funny part (she'd go apoplectic if she saw that clip).
And she's the mother of a slave, a mother who is very "women must be independent, and anything men do, apart from the 'holy' union of a married couple in the missionary position behind closed windows with the lights off, is degrading to, and hateful of, women, who cannot possibly like anything else." That, and she's raised in the "whoever shouts the loudest is right" school of interruption...err...debate.
Looking forward to that one, mhm...
_____________________________
"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.
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RE: eewwww... I so did NOT need to see that!!! - 
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. But.... BUT... there are just some things you don't discuss with your parents... I think I'd be more comfortable discussing the possible why's of being a lesbian (no, they still don't know, and won't until I've found someone I'm willing to live with). 
"Cause, for you... I might be...*weg* 
y'know, that's where she probably heard the term from... Auntie-dearest is soooo getting a 'useful' item for Christmas... 
) discuss whatever weird and wanky material they happen to stumble across... and I, being university educated, am apparently their back-up resource. 
I feel for ya though hun. :) 
). She doesn't tell me. That's fine, 'cause, y'know, she's my Mom. 
Big red, heavily veined & bumpy weenie shows up, boinking some womans fuzzy man-hole. Just what I want to see. With my Mom. She spits her tea all over the computer (it's a laptop), and starts laughing (I don't think she's ever seen porn before. She is very very VERY religious). 
... WHY ME????? 
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