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What happened? - 5/31/2007 7:43:44 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle.  Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 7:50:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's just the pendulum swinging round the other way.  I think the same thing happened with defining gay couples a few years ago once they got REALLY out and accepted in a lot of places.  People were afraid to label them as well because they didn't want to offend or look silly.

It will eventually settle down, and likely even swing the other way.

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 7:54:48 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		Some P/pl are a bit sensitive.  i haven't noticed that particular trend, but i think you should say what feels right to you.
 
 

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 7:57:04 AM   
Tuomas


Posts: 242
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		Afraid of offending someone because of what they think. Or, in other words, afraid to express themselves. What a wonderful society we live in. *rolls eyes*

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 8:06:07 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		People've been getting pissy about recognizing other dynamics and their possible virtues.

The walking-on-eggshells is trying to take their delicate feelings into account, I suppose.

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 8:50:39 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		I try to use 'top-type' or 'bottom-type' so I get everyone. I end up using 'partner' most of the time.

As for walking on egg-shells, these are boards, people define things as they deine them, its proper ettiquette to respect eachother and to be nice, it doesn't always happen though. IF I feel I have to walk on egg shells in a particular thread, I don't go back. I stay away from a LOT of threads because I have strong views one way or another an I KNOW it will get messy, so I save myself the drama.

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 9:08:17 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle.  Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?


it has often been this slave's hope that folks are actually taking the TOS to heart and mind, as well as just basic respect for the rules of the folks who provide this site for all of our enjoyment....specifically this:
 
quote:

...This isn't a place to insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others. If you don't like what another person enjoys, rest assured that there are plenty of others out there that probably don't like your activities either. Furthermore, baiting, harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated...


< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 5/31/2007 9:09:28 AM >

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 9:11:12 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle. Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?


What exactly are you talking about? What trend?

MNN

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 9:18:45 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I really don't see a trend either.  Though I've not been on the forums that long I suppose.  I personally have no problem saying I am a dominant bisexual woman with a wonderful vanilla husband and a wonderful male slave to whom I am Mistress.

*S*

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 10:27:50 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle.  Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?

I am not sure about walking on eggshells and I see many well defined relationships I can understand and comprehend what they mean when they speak of their dynamic.
I have seen the odd posts where someone says that 'true slaves do not demand sex', 'third person speech is crap' or 'that person is a boy, not a master, so ignore his posts' (basic gist)... but forums go through phases like that, It's simple fear and the worry of looking an ass.  You are also reading from a forum where control and adhering to personal ideas and wants is all part and parcel of wiitwd.  It's becoming more difficult to say 'I am a Master' - or 'I am bi' without people insisting you can't be because you don't match their specific definition. 
I tend to switch off from people's personal attacks on a particular person/community/sub-section/clique and concentrate what I can learn from the writings about poster - then decide what that teaches me and how productive their advice is.
 
Peace


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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 10:30:31 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle. Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?


What exactly are you talking about? What trend?

MNN

There has been more than a few posts with some afraid to say sub or slave without fear of offending someone. Some think people are trying to place a concrete label on them. Seems some feel they have to be neutral. Maybe you haven't read the same threads as me and that is why some do not see it. I have noticed it lately. Never noticed it before.


< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 5/31/2007 10:33:03 AM >

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 10:32:33 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle.  Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?

I am not sure about walking on eggshells and I see many well defined relationships I can understand and comprehend what they mean when they speak of their dynamic.
I have seen the odd posts where someone says that 'true slaves do not demand sex', 'third person speech is crap' or 'that person is a boy, not a master, so ignore his posts' (basic gist)... but forums go through phases like that, It's simple fear and the worry of looking an ass.  You are also reading from a forum where control and adhering to personal ideas and wants is all part and parcel of wiitwd.  It's becoming more difficult to say 'I am a Master' - or 'I am bi' without people insisting you can't be because you don't match their specific definition. 
I tend to switch off from people's personal attacks on a particular person/community/sub-section/clique and concentrate what I can learn from the writings about poster - then decide what that teaches me and how productive their advice is.
 
Peace



I agree with you totally. it has just be more noticeable to me as of late. I tend to ignore the flaming wars.

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 10:37:12 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have seen a trend in a few posts as of late. When did it become a bad thing to define yourself or your relationship in a certain way? I see some afraid to put sub or slave together so as not to offend anyone and see those distressed by wanting to define themselves a certain way. I am not talking concrete labels here just how someone may identify who they are within the lifestyle.  Why the walking on eggshells? I am curious as to what happened?


I haven't noticed that to be honest, but I really don't care what people think about what I am or refer to myself as.

C~


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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 11:40:46 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's a trend in society in general, where so many people seem to have become overly sensitive to political correctness.  People today seem to take things so personally and perceive themselves as "attacked" and then feel offended and then feel the need to fight back, set the record that is in their own mind straight, and make their point. 

The trend does exist in here, BDSM world, because there seems to be an extra desire for detailed "definitions" and people taking offense if one person's definition doesn't jive with their definition.  For me personally, I've given up trying to separate all the sub-categories and just refer to the two main groups as Dominants and Submissives.  No disrespect is intended to any sub-groups of either group, it's just a lot easier.  If a "slave" comes along and takes offense at being classified as "sub" and then throws a tantrum, oh well.  I don't mean to single out slaves, it's just an example. 

I really wish society as a whole would stop being so keen on political correctness, grow up, and realize every statement and comment someone else makes isn't directed at them personally.  Maybe in my old age, I've taken a more laid-back approach to life.  I take into consideration the entire gist of the concept of what someone is saying, rather than nitpick every single word, punctuation mark or phrase they used to get there.  It makes life a lot easier.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 5/31/2007 11:42:21 AM >

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RE: What happened? - 5/31/2007 5:46:14 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think it's a trend in society in general, where so many people seem to have become overly sensitive to political correctness.  People today seem to take things so personally and perceive themselves as "attacked" and then feel offended and then feel the need to fight back, set the record that is in their own mind straight, and make their point. 

The trend does exist in here, BDSM world, because there seems to be an extra desire for detailed "definitions" and people taking offense if one person's definition doesn't jive with their definition.  For me personally, I've given up trying to separate all the sub-categories and just refer to the two main groups as Dominants and Submissives.  No disrespect is intended to any sub-groups of either group, it's just a lot easier.  If a "slave" comes along and takes offense at being classified as "sub" and then throws a tantrum, oh well.  I don't mean to single out slaves, it's just an example. 

I really wish society as a whole would stop being so keen on political correctness, grow up, and realize every statement and comment someone else makes isn't directed at them personally.  Maybe in my old age, I've taken a more laid-back approach to life.  I take into consideration the entire gist of the concept of what someone is saying, rather than nitpick every single word, punctuation mark or phrase they used to get there.  It makes life a lot easier.


You are exactly right and I personally don't care about semantics of distinguishing sub categories. Whatever works for that person, it just get to be too much. Like LA said it will blow over and something else will be the focus.

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RE: What happened? - 6/1/2007 5:26:57 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I haven't noticed the trend, but if I'm not able to come up with the terms of how to define Myself, there's an issue.  Who better to define Me than Me?

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RE: What happened? - 6/1/2007 5:49:19 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I think its because for awhile, people were attacked if they defined themselves as a certain way and did not follow whatever the select few felt was the "must follow path"-----people especially in the s side, were reluctant to say they were one thing over another---I have a friend who is a slave--yet Her Master allows Her a voice--does that maker her any less a slave----who is to say but her Master?  
 
We seem to want to point fingers and say you can't be thus and such---pffttt the life is what you want it to be and what is agreed between D and s. IMNSHO---

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RE: What happened? - 6/1/2007 6:19:30 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i have not read all the responses, so i apologize if this has already been addressed.  i think the 'trend' is specific to boards, in my experience, this board (this is the only board i frequent so my experience relates only to this one).  People do walk on egg shells in identifying who they are because there are so many here that enjoy nothing more than causing drama.  Where a lively discussion quickly turns into name calling and verbal abuse.  And there are cliques, offend one of them and you are defending yourself to the masses or everyone else in that clique.


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