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When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 8:26:27 AM

toservez

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Most people like to have fresh things in their life and I think that is a good thing, but for some people there has to be something new always in their life. A new job, a new hobby, a new house project/decorating, a new significant other amongst other things but an underlying focus is what is new in their life derives their happiness.

I was reading the message board just before typing this and I seem to run into a bunch of comments about wanting and enjoying something in this life because it was new, whether the life, some specific act or the level of an act. I see this all the time that the focus and enjoyment is based more because it is new to them then because of the actual thing itself.

I was wondering if people identify with this or have been in a relationship with people like this and what happens when the newness wears off on the life or an act? Is it still enjoyable, only enjoyable because something replaced it or been there done that lets move on takes place.

Again I am not talking about discounting newness for most of us because the excitement of the unknown is going to boost an experience but for people who seem to focus on or need new as the main drive.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 8:37:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Nothing wrong with liking something new, or liking something a little more just because it's new.

But a person can become addicted to the new, or stop focusing on something once it stops being new and thus never finishing or following through on something. Then you have problems.

I think people are scared of being bored, scared that if they stop they think they've failed, scared that if they slow down it means they have to face the issues they don't think they are ready for.

Of course, running never helps "what you resist, persists" after all. And the funny thing is that life has a way of always throwing new curves at you if you are open to them, you really don't need to work very hard to find them or keep from being bored.

I also think people obsess too much about being more/better in some way. Improving and growing is great, but you gotta know when to just relax and reflect and enjoy where you ARE, otherwise you're always just on the treadmill not appreciating what goes by.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 8:43:01 AM

drawntothedark

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I used to be like this. When I became single again I was very prone to disconnect to someone I was seeing because we had dated too long. I also have a bad way of hating things that are done to death. I can't take a song played too much on the radio. I can't rewatch movies over and over, and I can't fully enjoy any type of play that I have done a lot. I guess I like the newness too much.

Of course a deep emotional connection will trump the newness. I'm in a commited relationship. We do things over and over (like snuggle under a blanket and eat ceral while watching Rome). Even though I have done this to death, the fact that he is there with me makes it so worth while.

As far as play is concerned, he has a way of changing it up even though it's still the same thing ( perks of dating a Gemini). It could be the same sort of OTK but he will change his tone or his approach somewhat. I have yet to become bored. Now in 10 years that may change, but right now I am appreciateing the "oldness" and routine of this relationship.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 8:47:55 AM

domiguy

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I hve known several women who only got off on a relationship that was "new." They really got into the infatuation stage of a relationship and dug the visceral feelings and the rush that only a new relationship can bring....Once things kind of slowed down and they became more aware of who their partners actually were, like that they would occasionally take a dump or two every now and then, the relationships would inevitably fail...

I find these types of people to be tremendously selfish and shallow, they are awful human beings who do not begin to possess any of the tools nor ability to handle anything long term....They should be avoided at all costs!...Unless of course they are hot!

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 8:52:18 AM

m0rgan

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hmm, an old fogeys point of view;
back before you could travel to better jobs or locations, and one only had one day off a week, one didn't have time to be bored and looking for the new. those days are on the way back! my father got drunk on saturdays, slept in on sundays, eat well, then worked hard again for a week. not much time to investigate, or want, the new in those days! those days are on the way back!

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 9:16:21 AM

subsnow

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i've noticed that i always need something new going on in my life. It's gotten me into trouble in the past. Usually it's with my job. i end up getting bored and the work isn't stimulating so i end up quitting and finding a new one. i try to get promoted but my managers never want to move me because i'm too good at the job i'm doing. i don't get bored with relationships or play but then again, i haven't done either of those for a very long period of time. i always know when i'm getting bored with life because i get the urge to travel. If i had more time and money, i would travel a lot more often.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 9:17:14 AM

earthycouple

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I love change, simply thrive on it. Change for me though is rearranging my furniture, taking up a new hobby, flipping around mundane routines etc. Those I love, I love. Period. I have no desire to spend my life searching for a new partner over and over and over again. That is mundane and boring for me. There is no thrill in the chase there is only thrill in the growth together.

I often tease my husband, when he complains yet again that I'm changing some aspect of the house, "just be glad I don't want to change you, babe." And then he helps me move the couch again.

I've had very specific needs. Until I fulfilled those needs I searched. Needs filled. Search over. It's that simple for me.

I do love finding new friends and people to enjoy a nice meal or a game of cards or a long running RPG with, but I'm not discarding someone else. The more the merrier in the way of friends; and love the one your with because you really LOVE the one you are with.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 9:24:31 AM

Bama69

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That is a nice post, I need to let my wife read it.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 10:48:26 AM

mistoferin

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When I was younger I used to mistakenly think that those emotions in the early years of a relationship are what is necessary to sustain a relationship. For me, it's the first 3 to 5 years where you are just so enamored with your partner you're just "head over heels". When some of that shiny newness began to dull I would mistakenly think the relationship was dying...that the love was dying. I didn't understand until I was a bit older that when that happens that is not when the love is dying.....that is when love really starts to deepen and grow.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 11:06:26 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Some of us are born students...which is what having something "new" in my life is about. It doesn't mean the old is necessarily being discarded or is no longer worthy. When it becomes an addiction (being addicted to the thrill of newness) is when it becomes unhealthy.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 12:07:04 PM

TopinPa

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This is why I like to bring new things into a relationship. Not necessarily new people into the relationship, not permanent people but new and different games, toys, and even a new play partners (for a night) to always keep things from getting old and boring.
It's not easy to think of a new game every night but introducing something new like electro stimulation if it's not already something we've been doing.
It's human nature to get tired of repetition and want new things but I think always making some changes and keeping things interesting is a positive thing in a relationship.

But if you're with somebody that just has to have a new partner because that's just the way they are, there's not much you can do about that I just try to avoid getting involved with women like that.

I hope this is in line with what you're talking about.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 12:08:44 PM

ExSteelAgain

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An exciting, valid theme can stay new by being played out in different ways. I decide what is exciting to me and stay within it with variations, if excitement is what I’m after. BDSM is one of these themes for me. There are many ways to enjoy it and it makes other play dull in comparison.

As far as people not being as exciting after you get to know them, I find there are more advantages in familiarity. Comfort, trust, friendship and love among these. The truth, in my case, is the better I know someone, the better the play is going to be. I am also exhilarated peeling away one level after another over time with a bright and sensitive person as I find a more and more beautiful person.

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 1:15:14 PM

MistressSassy66

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For new submissives I find they are tripping over themselves to try everything in one session.I have an experienced submissive who is always wanting to try new things which can be hard because he's experienced.
I think I can get in a routine rut...like 1st is the spanking then the wrapping up,then using ropes or chains over the plastic,then the next thing and so on.

I do try to make sure I'm doing at least one new thing each session.
Too many new things at once can be over stimulating for Me and the submissive.

I might get into a rut but its still never mundane.When it does happen I get new ideas from reading articles,stories and forum sites.

I always have fun doing a session.To see someone fulfill a part of them
just makes Me so darn happy...lol

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RE: When newness is the reason - 5/31/2007 2:16:44 PM

spanklette

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I am one of those people that is addicted to novelty. I'll start one thing and then it gets old really fast...but, I think that's a byproduct of the other long-lasting things in my life. I grew up in one house. All of my romantic relationships have spanned years. I've even been working at the same company for 6 years...not the same job, but I think you can get the picture.

I think some of the allure that BDSM has for me is the novelty. There's always something that I want to know more about or something I just have to try.

The important things to me are lasting, but I'm not sure I'll ever finish that puzzle on the coffee table...

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