quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I do not want to "stop caring about" myself, persay.  But learn to push myself aside when SHE needs something.  For instance, in the car, say Mistress wants to listen to rapp but I really want to listen to soft rock.  I have trouble doing things for HER and resisting the "my way or the highway" mental attitude.

That's less wanting to stop caring about your needs and more getting used to not getting your way.

Let's face it, getting to listen to the music you want isn't a need. It's a desire. But I understand where you are coming from here. Submission is often sold the way house cleaning products were in the 50s. You do this annoying frustrating task but do it with our uber-special brand of cleaner and it will make induce orgasmic sensations of joy! Except in our case, it's "don't do the things you want, do the things I want and you'll feel so uber-rewarded".

The truth of it is that some of us just don't like not getting our way. I'm one of them. And it's really hard for me give up getting things my way. But I do it because in the end, I do want the praise, the scenes and the other treats I get for giving it up. It still doesn't make it easy though.

My very serious advice is to simply own that it's hard for you. Realize it, accept it and don't punish yourself for it. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try your best. Valyraen knows it's hard for me, and because of that he appreciates my efforts all the more. Maybe it will get easier with time, maybe it won't. But I bet your mistress will appreciate that you are trying.

Hope this helps.

quote:

ask her what service she wants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

I know I've asked this before, but still I am in turmoil, so I'm going to ask, and try to word this a bit differently.

I am the submissive of Mistress Solerno.  I want to learn how to give up the feeling of self, to be able to stop caring about myself and be as a true submissive, worried only for Her needs.  I have always struggled with giving up what _I_ want and my needs changing to only what She needs.  I want to be as great a submissive as She deserves.  Please, can anyone help me learn how to push aside my own needs and be a submissive?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
Thank you for that, I think that may help.
You are most welcome, Arastella.  i hope it does.........slave luci

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I love this post, isn't this one of the reasons many come here?
To ask? To question? and to dig a little deeper?
I LOVE the fact you had the courage to ask this question!
slaveluci, gave some thoughtful advice.
Thank you, MzMia......slave luci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

I'm very practical in the way I approach solutions to problems. First step is to state the problem clearly. Then you can create clear concise solutions. For example if you state the problem as i want to be a better submissive vs i want to think about my Mistress before myself, which one allows for a measurable solution. Being more specific in the definition allows you to narrow your focus so that you can establish a clearly defined goal to achieve. So step 2 is  to think of several ways to solve the problem where you can measure  how successful you are being. Example what would my Mistress like most when she first comes home from work? Have an adult beveraage waiting with you dressed the way she prefers and you waiting for her kneeling position  or whatever position she prefers you in. Arrange for your Mistress to call when she's parking the car so you are not wasting time. Have her dinner ready for her when she gets home; give her a foot rub when she gets home. Step 3; set a specific number of times you are to do these things each week. For example 2 times per week tune the car radio to your Mistresses favorite station or asking what station she'd like and when you are continually successful inrease the number.  I would expect your Mistress to notice these efforts and praise you or reward you for your behavior  which then will reinforce your giving attitude(which is really what you want to do.) Over time keep addding to the things you do and make adjustments based upon what works and what doesn't. Just make sure all solutions are measurable.
Normally I would say that this is a training issue and up to your Mistress to devise a plan to train you how she wants you, however  when a sub./slave wants to take the initiative to improve she should be supported and encouraged. I wish you well and hope this helps.