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curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 2:22:49 PM

BeachMystress

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I recently became aware that my sub feels jealous over other submissives performing small courtesies, such as opening the door for me, when he is present. He feels that the other sub should hold back and leave it to him. I agree that care of me is my submissive's right. I've no problem with his feeling possessive or jealous. It had just never occurred to me that it would be a problem. Luckily, our communication is such that he felt able to tell me about this problem and we're able to fix it easily. I've given my sub permission to back other subs off as he feels the need.

I'm curious, what causes you to be jealous of your Dominant? Why does it make you jealous? What is the fix? Is it as easy to deal with as our problem was or is something more required? If they are aware of it, is your Dominant pleased, indifferent to or angered by your jealousy?

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 2:37:45 PM

darkinshadows

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I am not sure if I should respond - but if I was wrong to forgive me.

I do not feel jealous. I believe that it has to do with many factors.
Demon is constantly reassuring and positive in his attitude to me.
We have been together for over 15 yrs.
I am secure in my realtionship.
I am secure in my personality.
My spirituality would not be fulfilling if I went against its laws.

That isn't to say that I haven't been jealous in the past - but communicating to Demon, was paramount. Personal growth is important - which he has achieved by his teaching me. He taught me my self worth. He taught me my value in and through his eyes. He allowed others to 'treat' me - so that attention was not centred on him - yet at the same time.... it was centred on him, because being his and part of him, what is bestowed upon me is because of him and a gift to him anyway.

I would say that security is a huge thing to have. It can be a huge learning process - but well worth it. If I was not secure in myself, in my actions, in what I was capable of doing - then I would be jealous of others - because I would always fear that they could better me - and that is what jealously is - a sense of being outdone.

Peace and Love

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 3:12:57 PM

MzBerlin

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beachmystress-
I am not a jealous person, by any stretch of the imagination, so I don't really have anything productive to add to the thread. I hope you'll forgive me.
But
I do have a question-
Does your submissive get jealous when a vanilla man/boy performs a courtesy for you or does it only bother him when he sees it as a submissive act?
B

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 4:58:41 PM

subcheryl

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I must say that I do get a twinge of jeolousy going at times, I am possessive of my Master. I feel pride in what I do for him and want to be the one to do it for him, I have let Master know that I do not wish to share him with other slaves/submissives and he understands. Some of my feelings may come from the fact that we are still growing together, and learning, we have only been together going on our 4th mth now, and insecurities from past vanilla relationships. Master is always telling me how He likes something I have done or cooked or what ever and at times that is hard to except, his compliment, in past always was taken for granted, but then it does give me a ray of pride too to be appreciated for the things I do, and so therefore don't want anyone else to do for Master but me. Unless of course I have my hands full and he needs help like now. but that is diff. in my eyes, Hope this was understood. some is me and some I think is pride in way we serve our Masters or Doms

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 6:01:30 PM

subgreg

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I would say that I am equally jealous whether it is a submissive or a vanilla performing the act. I do not feel threatened by this, as I know Mistress loves me deeply, and I her. It's just that I think it is a violation of my privilege. I don't know if that is the best way to say it, but I feel that acts of courtesy, when possible, should be left to the significant other. If we were out to dinner with another couple, I would not pull the chair out for the other man's wife/girlfriend/date.

I am conflicted in this thinking because I consider it to be selfish on my part. I should feel that anything that makes my Wife/Mistress's life any easier is a good thing.

I should also point out that I have no problem with others performing the act when I am not present. The only problem is when they usurp my privilege.

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 6:32:24 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

I recently became aware that my sub feels jealous over other submissives performing small courtesies, such as opening the door for me, when he is present. He feels that the other sub should hold back and leave it to him. I agree that care of me is my submissive's right. I've no problem with his feeling possessive or jealous.

I think a little jealousy is good, as long as it's presented respectfully and in private (not by way of tantrum/publically).
I'm going to agree with your submissive and say that if he is present and available, it is his job... Not so much so that it would involve him running someone down to get to open the door or pull the chair (if you happen to be out with another couple). Just as I wouldn't want my sub running around being sweet to all ladies (beyond the basic courtesies) without my prior approval so too I would be sensitive to his feeling a sub stepping on his ability to take care of his lady by serving her.. M

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/23/2005 8:18:10 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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I get jealous of the Owner going to the theater and performances with his other relationships because it is such an ordinary regular thing and because I know it is one of his passions in life. He will go with me occasionally as well, but it is the same sort of intimacy as when you can feel "at home" with someone just watching telly on the couch, along with having a unique experience to share together.

In a past relationship I got very hurt once when the masters other slave made him coffee as that was one of my few regular duties to him- and understood by all.

But the reality is to move past your own ego and realize that what matters is everyone being happy together. A graceful response in those situations can make everyone more securein the end rather than letting it fester.

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/24/2005 2:04:35 AM

MzBerlin

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greg-
Thanks for the response! I was just curious.
I understand your jealousy/irritation at having your privledge usurped. One thing, though- when you perform a task, it is an act of submission and means quite a bit. It carries weight.
When "Joe Blow" holds the door open for your Mistress, he is just being polite. It's nice, but doesn't mean as much. If it makes her life easier, that's cool, and I would focus on that aspect.
HOWEVER-
If another submissive did something for your Mistress as an act of submission when you were there (ready, willing and able) that would definetly give you license to be a bit peeved.
I hope you work through this!! Keep us posted!!
B

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/24/2005 12:17:53 PM

selphaware

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subgreg

I am conflicted in this thinking because I consider it to be selfish on my part. I should feel that anything that makes my Wife/Mistress's life any easier is a good thing.

i've felt that same conflict, too, greg, thanks for sharing: "i should want Her happiness above all else...so why do i feel jealous when that happiness is attained through Her interactions with someone other than me...??" it can be tricky, and is something i grapple with on occasion, and i, too, worry about selfishness/immaturity issues. always good to do a little constructive introspection, though, i guess...

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/24/2005 3:02:07 PM

match2u

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i am a jealous person - i do not hide at all

its a part of me...

sometimes i wanna do something against, cause its not always easy to deal with - bother me sometimes too - smile - especially when i see myself sometimes and the kind of reaction i show up to situation really harmless at all....

but also i have to tell - especially when i was talking with Dom/ Master it always popped up as a problem.
jeaulousy mostly wasnt accepted in that lifestyle !

i do not consider myself as a weak person, neither bad nor good.

for me jealousy itself is settled in such a variety of reasons - al least can be that myself i couldn't find out which is the specific reason for?

but i found out - in accepting as a part of myself i am much more able to deal with, to articulate and work on.

and not to forget - every coin has two sides....

just my two cent

hug

petra

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/25/2005 6:03:16 AM

BeachMystress

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This post was done by a sub who was up too early doing posts. Sorry Mistress.

Beach's toyboy

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 5/25/2005 6:07:58 AM >

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/25/2005 6:09:28 AM

subgreg

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I would just like to thank everybody for their responses. I have to admit, upon further thought, that I am more jealous when the courteous act is also an act of submission. Its just more special, more intimate.

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RE: curious about jealousy - 5/27/2005 8:04:18 AM

BeachMystress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

This post was done by a sub who was up too early doing posts. Sorry Mistress.

Beach's toyboy

*smiles* I was wondering how I managed to post while asleep.. LOL

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