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Where does it come from? - 6/3/2007 11:28:43 AM

subsnow

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i've been thinking a lot about the things that i enjoy. i sometimes wonder where they come from and how they started. i was so young when i started fantasizing and acting out some of these things on my own. i was imagining being a baby at the age of 6 or 7. i was fantasizing about being kidnapped and bound and forced to have sexual things done to me at the age of 10. Am i sick?

i was emotionally and psychologically abused as a kid. i was forced to grow up fast and be my stepdads little show thing for his business buddies. i wonder if this is why i'm now an AB. Maybe i'm trying to regain that innocence or those lost years as a child. Maybe i didn't get enough love and now i just want the same kind of unconditional love that children get. Maybe i remember the time before my stepdad came into the picture when i was really truly happy and i want to go back to that time. Who knows? Is my stepdad the cause of me being an AB now though?

i was very depressed in my teen years because of other crap that was going on with my stepdad and i used to do things to cause myself pain like cutting or starving myself. i was so numb inside that i wanted to feel something. The physical pain was a distraction. Now i'm a masochist. i love being flogged, spanked, and having all sorts of other painful nasty things done to me. Are these things related?

The last thing that i can think of is the fact that my stepdad was EXTREMELY controlling. He would make up stupid rules. my sisters and i would get in trouble for the smallest things. He would make it so there was no way to win an arguement with him. Now i want to have a Dom for a partner. i want someone to control me in my relationship. Are these things related?

i am a big believer in doing what you want. If it makes you happy without harming someone else, why not? Who cares what others think. BDSM, D/s, and being an AB makes me happy so what's the problem? Maybe it's not healthy for me to continue with these things. i feel like all these things stem from negative experiences. Should i talk to someone about them? The thing is, these things really do make me happy so why would i want to change? Ack! i don't know.

What about you? Does anyone relate their current fetishes, kinks, etc with abuse or negative experiences from their past?

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/3/2007 11:26:32 PM

mercurialis

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Well, from my own experiences with life, I can tell you this much:

I'm kinky. I certainly had plenty of experiences in my childhood that, looking back on them, would be seen as either BDSM or kinky. But I don't think that set my mind up for having an interest in it later in life. I think, on some level, that I have just found some things I naturally find enjoyable, it just appeals to me based on the person I am. I would think that the person I am results more from the sum of my self exploration, growth, and interactions with other people and my enviroment, rather than a few singlar events in my childhood. Then again, I had no abuse in my childhood either.

Now, on the other hand, I have certainly heard of people directly engaging or wanting to engage in their particular fetishes with regularity in childhood. So it can probably go both ways. But is it sick? No, it's you. You just happen to like certain things. Now, as long as those things are enjoyable for you, and do not harm you in any significant way, then there isn't a problem, and you should feel no guilt for being yourself. Now, if you are letting your interests get in the way of yourself, or if you are letting them physically or mentally hurt you, then that's a problem you should solve. But thinking of it as "sick" is just going to lead to self hate and guilt, neither of which will help you.

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/3/2007 11:29:33 PM

Lordandmaster

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Interesting question, but I think you'll find that the majority of responders will NOT attribute their fetishes or kinks to negative experiences in their past.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

Does anyone relate their current fetishes, kinks, etc with abuse or negative experiences from their past?

(in reply to subsnow)

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 3:09:23 AM

litleone8620

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

What about you? Does anyone relate their current fetishes, kinks, etc with abuse or negative experiences from their past?

Nothing negative happened in my past so, i would have to say no. I was never abused as a child, sexually or otherwise. The only psychological connection i can come up with would be i had too much freedom as a child, and therefore seek the control of TPE. And even that is a weak link.

But other than that, i've no idea. I've learned a while ago to leave it at that. I've wasted too much of my time already trying to dissect why i am the way i am, and how i became that way. I have other things i could be using my brain power for.

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 3:23:28 AM

ennaozzie

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What does AB mean?

As to sexual abuse as a child the only sexual abuse i had was not a man but a woman, and hated woman for years, only now in the last few years i am getting to know that there are exceptions.

But i dont think it realy had anything to do with anything, but abuse later in life taught me a few things about myself.

But i don't beleive any previous abuse brought me to wanting a D/s relationship or any aspects of BDSM as the abuse later in life happend after my three year relationship which was a D/s one, and i thrived on it.

beanie

< Message edited by ennaozzie -- 6/4/2007 3:25:31 AM >

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 3:29:17 AM

MyMasterStephen

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AB = Adult Baby

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 6:54:35 AM

Driver1961

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He dips His lid to all;

Interesting thread, I have my thoughts on rough percentages of negative influences that bring people to BDSM, but they are unimportant when the bottom line is that your participation in any activity in life is because it is a choice made with freedom.

It may be idealistic however the choices I make for my life are for;
self-empowerment,
healing from the past choices,
assisting others in healing and or self-empowerment.

Nothing is 'sick' but better described as healthy or unhealthy- this provides a platform for personal reflection upon what is good for oneself. In short- you are not "sick" unless you are doing activities that are unhealthy (in your own mind's perception) for yourself.

EDITED- I always find a new term whenever I visit, now"AB?" Does that mean you wear nappiers/diapers? What is the age structure for an Adult baby?

Warm hello to all. Driver1961

< Message edited by Driver1961 -- 6/4/2007 7:00:00 AM >

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 7:06:47 AM

SimplyMichael

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Years ago I remember sitting in a therapists office with my first real submissive and telling the therapist that all my emotional issues came from my father and that I got along great with my mother. The irony of the fact that I hadn't seen her in ages escaped me quite completely. I know realize (due to living with my mother while going to school) that most of my bdsm motivations come from her AND that "from the factory" they were all negative, domineering not dominant, anger/manipulation not nurturing/manipulative, and the list goes on.

Funny thing about bdsm and such, I know people say it doesn't come from "trauma" and I don't have anything anyone would consider trauma in my past BUT I think much of it does come from our upbringing. A funny quote: Before my first real submissive started exploring or even heard of BDSM she mentioned to a friend that she notices she was dating these assholes but that she liked it. Her friend said if you like assholes you might try bdsm....

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 7:51:48 AM

CitizenCane

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Subsnow-
Everyone's past is connected to their present. We are all shaped by our pasts, but our own individual natures shape our experiences as well. It's clear from what you write that, yes, your interest in AB has been shaped by your childhood experiences. You say you were abused, it would be silly to think that that would not effect your perceptions and desires in the present. However, many people have similar experiences to yours, but are 'shaped' in different directions. Are you sick? I would rather say 'injured'. It sounds as though you still have unresolved trauma. However, even while recognizing that your desires for AB and BDSM have a connection to your trauma, it's important not mistake them for BEING the trauma. Healing from trauma may lead you to change your proclivities, but it may not. A person suffering through the trauma's of war may feel driven to write about their feelings and experiences and create a powerful and frightening novel. This may be part of their healing process, it's certainly an expression of their hurt, but we would never say that if they were healed they would stop writing. They might write differently- that's growth, and there's nothing wrong with seeking growth in the way you approach AB or BDSM, but these things in and of themselves are not sick or damaging. There's also nothing wrong with leaving them behind if they no longer serve any purpose for you.

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 9:10:57 AM

goodgirl85

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Hmmm, I never thought myself into pain until I met my Ex. However, I would have other fantasies as a teenager, that involve someof my kinks. I always thought myself weird, strange, abnormal. Until I met him, and he opened me up to so many more things. I have no idea why I like the kinks I like.

However, the mental aspect of it all, my current Dom loves. He is always looking for connections from my past to my present. He analazies my stories, and he is very much right. I, like you, had an evil stepfather. My mom always took his side when fighting, and never stood up for me really until recently. I call my current Dom Daddy.

Part of the reason I am so attracted to the D/s relationship is because when I give myself to someone not only am I promising him a number of things, He is promising me to guide and protect me. I think that has a great deal to do with my past. I never felt safe as a child, and was left to my own on a lot of things. I am looking for someone to give me the love that I never felt I had as a child.

Within that realm of guidance and protection I can experience and explore new terriorty safely, without fear that I will get hurt. Daddy would say this is a way of reliving my childhood, and a way of healing myself almost.

girl

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 9:23:23 AM

missbehaeven

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~warm smiles~
Greetings ella,
I know my experiences growing up have impacted my adult life.
           My mother had many physical problems for as far back as I can remember.
By the age of 8 I was giving her her insulin injections because her eyesight was failing, and I'd call her various MD's(medical, endocrinologist, renal, and retinal eye specialist) and organize the calendar around her appts, as well as tend to the more serious episodes of low blood sugar where I'd find her unconscious.
          I grew up wanting to take care of others, and had read the Readers' Digest Book of Diseases and Pathophysiology by the age of 10.
        As an adult, I work in the health care field, and have a need to be in servitude and caring for another because that's what is most comfortable and familiar to me..~s~

           Well wishes, miss

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RE: Where does it come from? - 6/4/2007 11:55:18 AM

mercurialis

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Lots of people asking about the "AB" term...this is as I understand it:

"AB" refers to "Adult Baby." People who identify as AB like to engage in activities that allow them to roleplay being a young child or baby. I think the age range is around 0 to 3 years old. It's very similar to ageplay, is almost always non sexual, and is usually enjoyed because it gives feelings of comfort and security to the person. There seems to be a fairly wide range of what people like to do to roleplay this...everything from wanting to be as ideally close as possible to acting and looking like a baby and spending as much time possible in this role (which is a tad disturbing, if you ask me), to just occasional enjoyment that can consist of nothing more than cuddling or having a stuffed animal to sleep with. Should be noted that this is not a fetish for the person, its a form of relaxation.

Yeah....wandering around the internet and randomly clicking in the kinks section of wikipedia, you learn a lot of random things....

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