boundfem
Posts: 28
Joined: 11/18/2004
Status: offline
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Part I is HERE (part I)
Part II is HERE (part II)
Part III is HERE (part III)
Part IV is HERE (part IV)
I haven't seen my Mistress in a while. Over two weeks to be exact. I have waited anxiously for Her call or Her email with an order for me to arrive at Her house, but I haven't heard from Her in all this time and it was making me crazy- crazy with anticipation and crazy with a hunger to serve. I did email Her once, it was a week ago asking if She was ok and if everything was alright, but She merely sent me a short note, a very short note, telling me She was fine. I also emailed Her asking permission to masturbate, but i only got a one word email in return: the word, "No, " was the only word on the whole page. She didn't even sign it. There was no explanation, no reason and no hint as to when I might be given permission; I wasn't entitled to an explanation or reason, my task was merely to obey without questioning.
I got an email out of the blue today at work in the middle of the afternoon; it was just four words:
Be here at 5:30.
>Mistress
And that was it. That meant I had to hightail it after I left work at 5 and take a taxi to get there on time. But, I sure as hell would not be late. Once in the cab, as I watched the streets scroll by outside my window, my stomach suddenly tied itself in knots as i realized my anticipation and a bit of nervousness in seeing Her. I am always that way when I am on my way to see Her.
I knocked on the door full of excitement in seeing my Mistress after all this time. I had no idea what this visit involved. She could have me off picking up her dry cleaning or grocery shopping or some other errand out and about; she could have me clean her house; I could cook Her dinner; I could be left alone in some uncomfortable bondage for Her amusement or She could relish in tormenting me and making me suffer all evening. Whatever the rest of my day would entail would be completely up to Mistress.
Mistress opened the door and i said hello full of vibrancy, displaying my excitement in seeing Her. But, Mistress didn't respond and instead just quickly shut the door behind me. She hardly looked at me at all and for some reason, i knew something was wrong. Without any pleasantries, She merely uttered, "Take off your clothes." I was still close to the door, but obediently began to disrobe right there. A slight apprehension made me cautious and i took my time removing my garments one by one. I didn't know what to do with my clothing and was afraid of doing the wrong thing as Mistress emitted nothing but a harsh tenseness as she now stared relentlessly at me. The silence was so thick, i could cut it. I folded and lay my clothes in a neat pile on the floor right where i was, pushing the pile close to the wall. There i stood- completely naked, and not knowing what to do with my arms, i folded them across my chest covering my breasts feeling a huge awkwardness. I realized this was probably wrong so i held my hands down at my sides and fidgeted nervously trying to figure out what i was supposed to do.
My Mistress walked to the right of where I was and pointed to the floor; She only said one word, "Drop," leaving the awful silence to envelope the entire room. I instantly knelt and saw Mistress go over to Her desk several feet away to the left of the front door. She returned holding two books and i was completely confused. "Face the wall, " She coldly barked. I did as She said while remaining on my knees. She literally dropped the two books so that they fell in the air and plodded inches from me on my left side, startling me and making me jump despite the fact that i watched Her drop them in my peripheral vision. "Take one in each hand." I took a book in each hand and was absolutely baffled as to the purpose of this, until i was commanded further.
"Arms up and out to your sides. Palms up." There was zero emotion in my Mistress's voice. I've never even heard Her speak with such a lack of affectation or tone in Her voice before, it was very strange. I held a book in each hand out from my body; I basically resembled a cross. Now I understood the purpose of Her instructions, and i was glad that the books were not very thick books. Knowing She was right behind me and looking sharply at me, i was afraid to look anywhere but down so i kept my eyes focused on the wall wondering how long Mistress planned to make me stay like this. She must have read my mind because She quickly said, "I will deal with you when I am good and ready, " and i heard her walk away.
Although part of me wondered what exactly i was being punished for, the other part of me feared i knew. And, if i was right as to why i was being punished and why Mistress was seemingly just so purely angry, i was going to pay sorely for it i intuitively guessed.
I was uncomfortable from minute one in this position; my knees were already biting into the hard wood floor and I had no way to reposition myself. I heard Mistress pounding away on Her keyboard and clicking a mouse at Her desk maybe ten feet away and the deadly, stone-cold silence She emitted was like torture in itself. I had no idea if minutes or seconds passed, i just stared straight into the wall doing everything i could to keep my arms up. I had no way to keep track of time and nothing to focus my thoughts on to get my mind off of my discomfort. I tried to turn my head ever so slightly to peek and see if She was watching me, but i was quickly caught. "Eyes forward, " She sternly said without a drip of emotion in Her voice.
"Yes, Mistress " I responded, completely frightened by my Mistress like no other time before.
After what seemed like an eternity, my guess is fifteen minutes or so, but it may have been less- I had no way of knowing- my arms were aching. Although I tried my best always to please my Mistress and to do everything asked of me no matter what, this was impossible. I let out very quiet, muffled moans in my deep breaths trying to subtly alert Her to the pain i was in, hoping to bring on the end of this as soon as possible. If She knew i was already suffering, perhaps She'd let me quit soon. I couldn't keep my arms out any longer and bent my arms just a tiny amount, trying to alleviate the tension ever so slightly. "Straighten your arms." Mistress uttered the instant I moved, so matter-of-factly, so indifferent to my suffering, and She just went back to Her typing on the computer. I felt Her gaze and felt Her eyes burning through me and i knew She was looking right at me. I sat up off of my heels to try and change my position to give some relief somewhere, but it didn't really help anything. I sat back down and put my forehead to the wall in sheer anguish. My arms began to drop and again Mistress commanded me to lift them that very second. The pain was intensifying by the nanosecond and was becoming absolutely unbearable.
"Please, Mistress, I can't..." i began to desperately plead. Even though there was not a stitch of rope or a link of chain, i was bound all the same simply by an order. Despite my agony, i could not and would not move until my Mistress allowed me to. It was that simple and it was my life.
"Quiet! I don't want to hear a word out of you, " Mistress replied, again completely cold and apathetic towards my suffering. Her voice echoed in my brain and again She left me with a torturing silence to torment me. The only sounds audible were the clicking of Her computer mouse and the clicks of the letters on Her keyboard. The clicks were like nails being pounded into my brain, driving me to the brink of insanity. My arms started to sink yet again, but i lifted them and corrected myself before Mistress could rebuke me again. I tried lifting them above shoulder level a little, which relieved about a quarter of the tension for a few moments. But, the thudding strain on my shoulders and upper arms returned again and there was no escape from the maddening burning in my arms.
"How long could she possibly make me do this? This is insane!! " I silently exclaimed in my head. I threw my head back and looked up at the ceiling and began to whimper. I lifted my torso off of my heels again, desperately seeking any relief whatsoever, but there was none to be had. I knew Mistress could plainly see my desperate fidgeting, but i guess as long as my arms stayed straight out, i was allowed to pathetically fidget all i liked since it didn't avail my pain whatsoever.
My arms were like a thousand pound weights and I really could not take it one single, solitary second longer. I pondered giving up and throwing my arms down, i would relish in the relief no matter what the consequence. Whatever further punishment was brought upon me would be worth it, for just ONE, single moment of relief. But, i just couldn't do it. And, i was scared shitless to do it. Mistress would absolutely kill me, i know it. She is going to kill me anyway, i think. If my guess is right and She somehow knows what i did, i am dead. But, it will be worse, much worse, if i disobey her now... i have to fight to keep myself from giving up. Or, perhaps this could be my only penance and if i just stay still and bear it for just a tiny bit longer, Her wrath will subside and my life can go on. Oh, please God, let that be the case. PLEASE.
My mind was being crazy now. I was debating myself. I put my head against the wall again and grit my teeth and repeated the word please over and over just to myself. I said it so muffled and so quietly that it could not be heard. I didn't want to be scolded again so i forced myself to keep my utterances to myself. I began to cry, i cried from the pain and from the frustration because i could not wait any longer to put my arms down and there was nothing i could do about it. I let out more moans and whimpers and got so lost in the pain in my brain, it was engulfing my entire existence.
I was so wrapped up in the cries encompassing my mind that I did not hear Mistress come up behind me until she pointedly cleared Her throat to let me know she was in fact directly behind me. I raised my head off the wall and tried to compose myself out of absolute, out and out fear. She had to know what i did or else why would She do this to me? I wanted to ask Her so badly why She was doing this and i wanted to beg for Her to let me move, but i didn't say a word. My Mistress could make me stay like this for as long as She wished and i am Her slave and would have to bear it and suffer in silence for however long it would be.
Finally, She broke the silence and asked me if i knew why this was happening. I was petrified to admit my wrongdoing... what if She didn't know and i was being punished for something far less severe? Do i want to tell Her and then She will know for sure?
"I'm not sure, Mistress, but i think so." There. That was vague but still was admitting to some wrongdoing which might make this punishment cease.
But, Mistress would not accept my vague answer and started to walk away as She said, "Oh. Well, when you are sure and do know, then we can move on."
I knew She knew at that point, it was useless to pretend otherwise and if i didn't say something now, She will just leave me like this for who knows how much longer. I couldn't take it. I don't normally hide anything from Mistress. I've admitted to transgressions in the past and took whatever consequences She decided. But, those things were all little things- I came without permission once; okay, that's not so little, but that is nothing compared to what i did this time. And, once i drank beer without Her express permission, something clearly forbidden to me. I immediately confessed the next day and had to write 1000 lines on my knees and could not drink for two months. But, what i did this time was huge and so fundamentally wrong and i really, really was petrified of my Mistress.
"Wait!" I panicked and exclaimed and then quickly remembered myself, "Please, Mistress, wait. Please." I didn't want to say anything more, but just hung my head and said, "I know You know and i am sorry, so sorry!" My pleas were mixed with short sobs. I was sorry- i was sorry She somehow found out and i was sorry it led to this and i was sorry I was in agonizing, torturing pain right now. I was sorry i did it as well, but I think the burning in my arms was making the other reasons i was sorry more prevalent in my mind at this moment.
My arms were in excruciating agony right now and it was impossible not to let my elbows bend. It was impossible. It was impossible even though Mistress was standing right over me, but i did it anyway. Again for that one solitary second of relief. Immediately, I was corrected; "Arms straight, " Mistress said barely pausing before She continued Her questioning. I complied despite the instant torment that returned to my shoulder muscles.
"So, did you plan on telling me ever, or did you think I'd never find out? " Mistress threw at me.
"I was going to, but i was afraid, Mistress," i answered, hoping it was a satisfactory answer and praying She'd finally let me drop my arms. I did think about doing the right thing and telling Her, but i considered that if i never told Her, She'd never know.
“You should be afraid, " Mistress said from behind me.
I didn't even know what to say. I was very afraid, She didn't have to worry about that. "Yes, Mistress, " i said pathetically as i struggled to death to keep my throbbing arms from dropping.
Mistress did not say a word for at least two or three minutes, but She stood right behind me and i could feel Her eyes staring at me with a piercing intensity. I was afraid to move a muscle and fought the urge to move at all. Finally, She uttered: “Put the books down, “ without a smidge of emotion. I was never so relieved in my life. I placed the books down on the floor one of top of the other right up against the wall and waited for Her next instruction. I tensed my arms and rotated my wrists to alleviate the stiffness in my muscles. Mistress spoke again, only to say, “Get up. Let‘s go.” Mistress didn’t even need to say where we were going, I knew we were going to the dungeon room.
I got up and moved rather slowly, afraid of what lay ahead for me. “Wow, did I fuck up huge, “ i thought to myself as i walked ever so slowly down the hall. Mistress let me go first and then gave me a sharp shove. It was a long, long walk as i felt i was heading towards my doom. There were a hundred things i wanted to say, and at the same time, there was nothing for me to say at all.
I opened the door of the dungeon room with Mistress hovering right behind me. My nervousness made me fumble with the door knob. I finally managed the simple task of opening the door and i entered the room. I stood just two feet from the door and planted my feet into the floor; my uneasiness made me fidgety and i didn’t know what to do with my hands again. I knew whatever was going to happen here was going to be very hard, not just physically but emotionally as well. I was racked with guilt and knew I had fucked up so big this time.
“Down, “ Mistress said austerely from behind me.
I dropped to my knees so fast out of trepidation. I just looked down at the floor as i was afraid to look directly at Her. I bit my lip in apprehension. I looked up only slightly, just enough to see Mistress pass in front of me and walk over to the wall. She picked up a crop and came back towards me. She stood right in front of me holding the crop vertically so that its end rested on the floor and then She asked me, “So, did you think i would not find out or did you ever intend to let me know about your little plan? “
“I.. I… I don’t know, Mistress. I mean yes, Mistress, I was going to tell you, “
“Face down on the floor, ass up, “ Mistress said completely nonchalantly. I was completely terrified of Her and, thus, did as She ordered.
Even though my face was buried into the carpet, i was able to see Her feet walking around me. She struck the crop to my ass so hard it sucked my breath away. “Up, “ She tersely directed.
I sat up and once again kneeled upright, the pain lingering in my ass. She walked in front of me so that She could look intently at me.
“And, did you even think about the fact that you are owned?” Mistress asked me point blank.
I took a deep breath and thought for a second before i answered although i knew that no answer was going to appease Her in actuality. “I guess that left my brain temporarily, Mistress, I don’t know what i was thinking honestly, but I’m sorry, “ I said with almost a pleading whine to my voice.
“Down, “ Mistress ordered me and I got back in the same position of my face to the floor and my ass raised. Mistress brought the crop down on my ass even harder than before and I swallowed hard in response to the stinging it left on my flesh. I focused on my breathing in an attempt to bare the pain.
“Up, “ i was directed. I sat up again wondering how long this would go on.
“So, you know you are owned and yet you took it upon yourself to ask MY friend if She wanted you? Just what on Earth were you thinking?” Mistress continued to question me directly.
I looked down at the floor searching for the right words, “I don’t know what i was thinking. I was sent there and had such a good time and I just got swept up in it, I am really sorry, Mistress. Really!” I was pleading with Her for some sort of forgiveness.
She replied, “Cara… “ She paused and then edited Herself , ‘Mistress Crimson has never had the ahem pleasure of having a female sub. I thought I‘d send you and She could have fun with you and you could have a good time with Her. It was supposed to be a small reward since you have done fairly well thus far. But, I see where that has led. You completely disregard your collar, you disregard My ownership and all the time I have spent training you, “ Mistress just stuck a stake through my heart. I felt so badly and knew i had done the unthinkable. Not only did I ignore the fact that I belonged to Her completely, but I went behind Her back and propositioned Her own friend. I wrote a letter to Cara asking if She would consider taking me on as Her sub. I didn’t have any right whatsoever to do it. I hung my head down completely at a loss for words.
“Down, “ Mistress said intending for me to raise my ass in the process. I complied.
I heard Her footsteps as She walked behind me again. “I don’t know why you thought She wouldn’t tell me. She may be umm fun, but She respects ownership, obviously a lot more than you do.” Down came the crop on my buttocks as though Mistress stroke me with all Her might. I let out a groan. “She would never think of infringing on MY property, “ Mistress informed me. Before i had a chance to recover from the last stroke, Mistress brought the crop down again to my pained skin causing me to let out a whimper. Mistress didn’t even consider my pain as She continued Her lecture, “So you know, she told me about it as soon as she got your letter. Up.”
I sat up and as my heals were pressed to my ass, the throbbing pain intensified. I saw Mistress walk right in front of me and stare right at me.
“Do you even understand what being owned, what being property means? “
“Yes, Mistress, of course. “ i had tears in my eyes as i spoke. “I lost sight of everything, i got caught up in the moment, “ i began to cry.
“Get down, “ Mistress ordered. I again pressed my face to the carpet thereby making my ass completely available. The crop flailed my ass and i bit my lip and swallowed hard. “You belong to Me!” Mistress emphasized the word ‘Me’ and hit me with the crop as She said that word. I gulped and forced myself to remain still in spite of my stinging ass. “You are My property, “ the word ‘My’ was stressed and the crop struck me again at the moment She said that word. Mistress was hitting me with every bit of force She could gather and the pain was searing. I could hear She was somewhat short of breath from the effort She was exerting in beating me. “You do not give My property to someone else! “ Mistress beat me right in the middle of the sentence after the word ‘My’ and again that word was highly accentuated. “Is this understood?” I saw Mistress’s feet right in front of my face and knew She was looking down at me.
“Yes, Mistress!” I said loud and clear, hoping the end to this interrogation was near.
“Sit up, “ Mistress plainly said. I sat up and tears welled up in my eyes not just because of the guilt and remorse i felt, but also because of the smarting pain that was running through my backside.
“I am going to leave you here for a while to think. I want you to think about what you want: if you want to go off and have your fun, that is your prerogative. I will give you the chance now to be released and you can go and do whatever it is you want with whomever you want. But, if you want to serve Me and you want to be trained by Me, then you had better grasp an understanding of what being a slave is. You better decide that you can commit because if anything like this EVER happens again, I’ll release you so fast, your head will spin, “ Mistress spoke so sharply but did not raise Her voice once. Nonetheless, Her words felt like nails pounding into my flesh. “So, while I go take care of some things, you think about what you want, you think about what it means to be property and you decide if you can commit to your collar. If you want, you can go and walk out the door right now. If you are here when I return, I’ll take it to mean we will not have to deal with this situation again. I’ll be back in a half hour exactly, “ Mistress continued. She took off Her watch and tossed it down at me and then I watched Her walk out the door. She shut it behind Her and I waited there on my knees and picked up the watch.
I did think. I thought about Mistress Crimson and the weekend i had had with Her. While She was fun and i had a great time with Her, i knew deep in my heart that She was not what i really wanted. I knew slavery was what i wanted and craved. I wanted my Mistress, i wanted the challenges she presented me; i desired Her tasking ways and i longed for Her strict training. To be owned by Her was all i wanted and needed. Serving a Mistress like Crimson would be fun for a while, but ultimately it would be lifeless and empty. I’d grow bored of the pleasantries, i believe it is my destiny to suffer under an austere and exacting Domina. I don’t know what I was thinking when i wrote Mistress Crimson asking if She’d take me on as a submissive. It was the furthest thing from what i really wanted, it was nothing of what i needed. What I wanted at this point was Mistress’s forgiveness and for Her to realize that i was dedicated to Her in more ways than i could possibly express, despite my grave sin.
I thought about all of this and waited for Mistress to come back so She could know my intentions. True to Her word, She returned in a half an hour exactly.
“I see you are still here? “ Mistress asked me with a more calm tone to Her voice.
“Yes, Mistress. I am so sorry! I swear it will never happen again, ever! I want to be owned by You, and i want to serve You and make You happy and proud of me, “ it felt so good to say it and get it off of my chest. I bent forward on my own volition to express my humility and how subservient i felt to Her. I didn’t do it because I was ordered to or because i was forced, but i did it of my own will and out of the feelings i had deep within. It was here that i belonged. Mistress did not say a word for several moments, but i could feel Her gaze upon me.
“I am glad this is your choice, “ was all Mistress said in response. There was a bit of warmth to Her tone for the first time that entire day and although it was succinct, I knew that She was feeling more than She cared to directly express to me.
“But, I am not finished with you yet, “ She informed me. “Get up, “ She commanded me.
I arose and She told me to lay down on the bondage table on my back. It was the table with the black padding and hooks all around so that one could be bound in virtually any position and in any angle to the table. I laid on my back and Mistress tied my wrists together with rope and then tied the rope to a hook behind my head. She pulled the rope hard and my arms were then bound over my head without the slightest bit of slack. “Bend your knees up, spread your legs, “ Mistress frigidly directed. I did as She said wondering what lie in store. I could see Mistress go to the wall and deliberate for a moment before She returned with what i could see was a flogger. I did not realize until it beat upon me which flogger it was. The moment it made contact, i instantly recognized it to be a particularly evil implement i was only mildly familiar with. It was a medium sized cat-o-nine made of extremely stiff leather strips that were completely dried out. The leather was not dry and stiff by accident, the flogger was specifically crafted in this manner and it was custom made specifically for my Mistress by an acquaintance of Hers. I rued the day of its creation moments later.
Mistress whipped my pussy with that flogger and on the first blow, it stung every part of the skin of that place. I could hear the loud slap it made as it bit into my flesh each time. The third time it nipped the tender flesh of my sex, i groaned fiercely. Mistress did not even pause but immediately struck me again. The leather came down hard on me and nicked my clit and caused an agony to run through every part of my body, i cried out. “Who does this pussy belong to?” Mistress asked me sternly as She brought the whip down on my crotch again.
“It’s Yours, Mistress!” I shouted out of distress.
She continued to punish my pussy mercilessly and I could not take one minute longer. Like a hunted animal, my instincts to protect myself took over and I shut my legs to protect my swollen bits.
“Open your legs, “ Mistress immediately said, She pronounced each word slowly and definitively. I sobbed and had no choice but to comply.
She whipped me again and again, and the leather cut into my reddening skin each time harder and harder. I wanted to close my legs so badly to shut out what was causing the torment of my most sensitive parts. The pain was maddening and i began sobbing harder. Again, I could not take it any longer and my legs closed without me even willing it to happen.
“Open now, “ Mistress cruelly demanded with nary an ounce of pity for my misery. I slowly reopened my legs and let out loud cries.
Again, the whip beat into my pussy and burned into my clit. I cried hard now, but the castigation of my sex did not cease for one moment.
“Please! “ I shouted. “Please, please, please, “ I cried to my Mistress.
Still, She continued to bring the leather down on me. It cut me like a knife and my knees came together to block the torture.
“Open!” Mistress demanded. I was sobbing and could not bring myself to do it. “Now!” She bid me. I slowly parted my thighs and immediately, She thrashed my pussy again even harder. She lashed me again and again, the pain ran through me like wildfire. I shrieked and began to cry hysterically. “Please! “ I cried harder than ever before in Her presence. Mistress whipped me relentlessly repeatedly seeming to torturously rip the tender tissue between my legs. I wailed and tears ran down my face.
Mistress suddenly stopped and i just cried uncontrollably, “Please, Mistress! Please, I’m sorry, “ i just keep repeating it. She hit me no more that moment. She just let me cry and did not say a word.
I lay there for a few minutes as the pain leveled out and I composed myself. I had no idea if Mistress would continue this punishment longer or not, but I just lay silently wondering. Mistress untied my wrists and told me to get off the table. She still seemed cold, She still seemed somewhat angry.
“Now, if you ever even think about forgetting that you are property for one moment in your life again, this will seem like child’s play. Got it?” Mistress asked me as I descended the table.
“Yes, Mistress, “ I was still sniffling and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I started to regain control of my breathing.
“I’m still not finished with you. Come. “ Mistress said as She started to leave the room. I followed Her and she led me to the end of the hallway. “Knees, “ She said pithily pointing to the floor. I got down on my knees, which i was becoming so very accustomed to on this day. Mistress walked down the hall and disappeared around the corner into the living room. I wondered anxiously about what else Mistress would do to me. I didn’t know how much more physical wrath i could endure, but i was feeling like i was broken. My pussy still throbbed in agony and i tried to displace the pain from my brain. Mistress returned moments later carrying a bucket, which She placed in front of me. She dropped a toothbrush on the floor close to my hand and i easily guessed what it was for. “I want the entire floor scrubbed. If it’s wood, you scrub it. “ I looked down the long, seemingly endless hallway from where i sat and gulped at what looked like an impossibility.
“Yes, Mistress, “ I dutifully answered in a soft, compliant tone. It really did not matter what was done to me or what i had to endure, i just wanted my Mistress’s forgiveness. I was more than partially relieved that it seemed as though She were done beating me, at least for now, and I rationed that although what appeared to be a never-ending task lay before me, there were far worse things that could befall me. Mistress then said, “I am going to bed. When you are finished and the entire floor is glowing, you can come and sleep at the foot of my bed… on the floor. I will see you tomorrow. “ Mistress walked away and went to Her bedroom.
I took a deep breath and then began the mission of penitence assigned to me. While it was nothing less than arduously tedious and mind-numbingly boring, i also found it to be at least somewhat cathartic. I was able to channel my confusion, my guilt and my feelings of tremendous remorse and sadness into the act of scrubbing. I thought about all that had transpired and was actually grateful that i was still a slave to Mistress and was almost grateful that I was here performing this drudgery. I would have polished a mile’s worth of floor to feel the satisfaction of submission to Her.
It took me almost three hours to complete. My back was stiff and pained, and the muscles in my right arm were aching. I admired my work and decided the floor was sparkling from one end to the other. I went into Mistress’s room and laid down in front of Her bed on the floor. She had put down a pillow and blanket and as I tried to situate and get comfortable, my body felt absolutely broken. I felt so beat up, exhausted, sore, wounded, weary and bruised. And, as i lay there on the floor at the foot of my Mistress’s bed, i felt completely at peace. I was right where I belonged.
< Message edited by boundfem -- 5/24/2005 6:09:12 PM >
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Punishing jade- Story Part V - 
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