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kyraofMists -> RE: Rules for your Submissives (6/5/2007 3:35:16 PM)
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We refer to them as standing orders and I have many instructions that I am required to follow. How those instructions are carried out are the protocols of our relationship. They cover things from how I am to communicate and speak to him, how I am to dress, how I spend money, how I go to bed, etc. Just about each aspect of my life is touched in some way by a protocol that he has established for me. I could run through and give you a several page list of all the different rules and their protocols but that may not have much meaning to you.
It is my opinion that rules and protocols should not be arbitrarily established. They should have meaning to you and should add depth and pleasure to your relationship. Take the things that are important to you in your life and develop a protocol system for them. One thing that is very important to my Lord is how we address and communicate with him so he has developed a protocol system that is meaningful to him and enhances our relationship.
I also think that it is unrealistic to develop this complex protocol system and just expect it to be followed immediately by either you or the submissive. You are changing behavior and that takes time to accomplish. It is much more effective to introduce rules and their protocols a couple at a time. Use positive reinforcement to encourage their use and make sure they have opportunities to practice the protocol. Eventually, it will become part of their natural behavior. In my opinion, an aspect of quality service is that it is unobtrusive and appears effortless. When protocols become natural behavior then they can appear effortless.
As the dominant you will have to also be an active participant in the protocols. If you establish this rule that the submissive needs permission to use the bathroom and that she is to come to you and request permission then you have to actively participate in the interaction by either giving permission or not. If you respond in some way that communicates that you don’t care or they can do whatever they want, then that gives the message that this protocol is not important to you and it will not become part of their normal behavior. This is a rule and protocol that requires your active participation and if you are not willing to participate in this then it isn’t a very realistic behavior to establish.
Personally, I love having protocols to follow and I really enjoy the feedback that we get from people who see us together because of them. One of the things that we hear most from other people is that we appear to flow seamlessly together and that alandra and I must be mind-readers because we seem to know just want he wants without him having to ask for it. What most don’t notice are the non-verbal cues that we use to communicate and that we have spent time together making these protocols part of our normal interactions. When I hear these comments from others, I know that I have achieved what I consider to be quality service to him.
As far as punishments go, he does not punish. He finds it an ineffective method for changing behavior and it is not something that provides any value for him. Other relationships do find value in it. However, one thing to consider is that many of the times when I have not met his expectations in a particular task it is not for lack of effort, desire or willingness on my part but more because there is a lack of clarity on what is expected. When an instruction is given to someone, whether it is a standing order or a direct instruction, they also need to know what defines successful completion of that instruction. Without knowing how the dominant defines success then how can a submissive meet the expectations?
An example that was given to me on this is a submissive is instructed to wash the car. For them it might mean take the car to a gas station and run it through the wash. For the dominant it might mean, hand washing, drying and waxing the car, vacuuming the interior and the trunk, cleaning the windows and dash and getting rid of all the trash. The submissive comes back with the car after running it through the gas station car wash thinking they have done what they were told and yet the dominant is disappointed thinking the submissive did not follow instructions. Where does the responsibility lie in expectations not being met in that case?
Knight's kyra
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