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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/4/2007 8:18:57 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
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I always enter someplace first, she always opens the door for me.
she drives the car most of the time when we go anywhere and its more conveniant for her to do so,Coffee in the morning and when I get home, Orgasum on command, Am showered in the morning, she is chained to the bed every night, I am not helpless and still have no problem doing things for myself but more and more of the little things are going into her arena.
I am "Sir" or "Master"- NOT "Phil". I tell her how and what to wear but she over the last few yrs has learned more of how I wish her to dress, When we talk she often kneels

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/5/2007 3:35:16 PM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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We refer to them as standing orders and I have many instructions that I am required to follow. How those instructions are carried out are the protocols of our relationship. They cover things from how I am to communicate and speak to him, how I am to dress, how I spend money, how I go to bed, etc. Just about each aspect of my life is touched in some way by a protocol that he has established for me. I could run through and give you a several page list of all the different rules and their protocols but that may not have much meaning to you.

It is my opinion that rules and protocols should not be arbitrarily established. They should have meaning to you and should add depth and pleasure to your relationship. Take the things that are important to you in your life and develop a protocol system for them. One thing that is very important to my Lord is how we address and communicate with him so he has developed a protocol system that is meaningful to him and enhances our relationship.

I also think that it is unrealistic to develop this complex protocol system and just expect it to be followed immediately by either you or the submissive. You are changing behavior and that takes time to accomplish. It is much more effective to introduce rules and their protocols a couple at a time. Use positive reinforcement to encourage their use and make sure they have opportunities to practice the protocol. Eventually, it will become part of their natural behavior. In my opinion, an aspect of quality service is that it is unobtrusive and appears effortless. When protocols become natural behavior then they can appear effortless.

As the dominant you will have to also be an active participant in the protocols. If you establish this rule that the submissive needs permission to use the bathroom and that she is to come to you and request permission then you have to actively participate in the interaction by either giving permission or not. If you respond in some way that communicates that you don’t care or they can do whatever they want, then that gives the message that this protocol is not important to you and it will not become part of their normal behavior. This is a rule and protocol that requires your active participation and if you are not willing to participate in this then it isn’t a very realistic behavior to establish.

Personally, I love having protocols to follow and I really enjoy the feedback that we get from people who see us together because of them. One of the things that we hear most from other people is that we appear to flow seamlessly together and that alandra and I must be mind-readers because we seem to know just want he wants without him having to ask for it. What most don’t notice are the non-verbal cues that we use to communicate and that we have spent time together making these protocols part of our normal interactions. When I hear these comments from others, I know that I have achieved what I consider to be quality service to him.

As far as punishments go, he does not punish. He finds it an ineffective method for changing behavior and it is not something that provides any value for him. Other relationships do find value in it. However, one thing to consider is that many of the times when I have not met his expectations in a particular task it is not for lack of effort, desire or willingness on my part but more because there is a lack of clarity on what is expected. When an instruction is given to someone, whether it is a standing order or a direct instruction, they also need to know what defines successful completion of that instruction. Without knowing how the dominant defines success then how can a submissive meet the expectations?

An example that was given to me on this is a submissive is instructed to wash the car. For them it might mean take the car to a gas station and run it through the wash. For the dominant it might mean, hand washing, drying and waxing the car, vacuuming the interior and the trunk, cleaning the windows and dash and getting rid of all the trash. The submissive comes back with the car after running it through the gas station car wash thinking they have done what they were told and yet the dominant is disappointed thinking the submissive did not follow instructions. Where does the responsibility lie in expectations not being met in that case?

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/5/2007 5:30:22 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Rules

Two sugars in the largest tea cup in the house (24 oz) and mint tea. If I can't find the preferred decaf mint for evenings I may use another brand.

No eggs, no peas. Eggs in food is okay but not by themselves. Oh yeah, he'll suffer quiche on rare occasions but not as a regular dish.

The collar is a necklace that has broken before so I don't subject it to rough usage including sleeping.

Tell him what's going on with me because he's not a mind reader.

Don't put myself down, do believe in myself and accept his compliments - try to see myself through his eyes because he sees me as someone worth loving.

Don't go wandering around the house in the middle of the night if I can't sleep. Getting up for tea or water is okay but then come back to bed because if I'm not there then he'll wake up and neither of us will have had any sleep. This is a real hard one.

Send emails even if he's out of town and has no net connection. I have trouble doing this since I talk to him a couple of times daily and tell him everything so I never know what to write about.

Take care of myself and take care of him. This one is more important than anything else. So if he gives me an order for the day and there's a conflict, then having some rules be more important solves the conflict.

Taking care of him means interrupting him when he's working to make sure he will stop and eat. drink water, apply sunscreen because he gets into a project and doesn't pay attention to how his attitude is worsening since he hasn't eaten or how burnt his back is.

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/6/2007 5:39:44 AM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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Umm... I'm not allowed to get killed or molested, I have to do my schoolwork, I have to go to karate at least twice a week unless prevented by school.... uhhh... I have to do the laundry often enough that he has clean clothes for work every day... and fix dinner when he tells me to.

Other then that... just keep the house as clean as I can.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/6/2007 10:30:41 AM

jaunty1

Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Badkarma7

All, I am a new Dom and I have a question, I have posed this to submissives and I am posing it here as well. What are some of the rules you have in place for your submissives and what is / are the punishements for violations of said rules. For example, are they to be attired a certain way, sit on a certain side, assume a certain position when asking for something, removal of their collar with out explicit permssion. That last one brings up another question, do you allow your submissives to remove their own collars? If so under what circumstances and do you require that they always wear some type of jewlery, vanilla collar when they are in public. I know this is a terribly long post but I am evolving and I crave the information to help my growth. Thank you all in advance.

At the beginning of our relationship, there were no written rules in place. We just let things flow naturally; if there was something that she did that I did not agree or approve of, I just let her know and we worked on it from there.
Now, 4 years later, I guess you could say that we have some pretty strong protocals in place. She always walks, and sits on my left side; she bows slightly and keeps her head lowered when we pass each other in the house ( one time, she actually curtesied, which I found to be really funny because she did it without thinking ); she does not sit down at the dinner table to eat unless I indicate that I want her to. Just little things that evolved over time that we are both comfortable with. Most of them though, if she forgets, I don't make that big a deal of. As long as she follows orders, all is good.

Live well

Alex

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/6/2007 2:27:01 PM

tat2edwhitetrash

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Joined: 4/29/2007
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my submissive has several rules she lives by, they are however, somewhat loose rules...
1) be respectful at all times, period... i will listen to and value opinions and even playfulness but respect is required...
2) collar is required at all times... she may take it off for showering or if she wishes to wear a different collar (she has a few) but a collar must be worn at all times...
3) obedience is required... she has her own personality, individuality and for the most part does what she's interested in doing whenever she likes, however, if i tell her to do housework, cook a meal, change into certain clothes, or anything else, she does it without question or hesitation...

disciplines might include corner time, perhaps extra chores, or if the infraction was severe perhaps spanking with a belt, HOWEVER, my girl is a true submissive, she has never broken any of the rules or defied me in any way... so i have never had need to discipline her for anything... the Dom is true, the sub is true and they are compatible with each other there should never be any need for discipline or more than a few basic rules...

Tiny

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RE: Rules for your Submissives - 6/6/2007 3:53:03 PM

teachu2bgood

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Joined: 3/28/2005
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I believe that rules if you have them should not be just shit you have your submissive do just because you can. There should be a reason for rules therefore rules in my house are limited. If you have rules make them rules you can be consistent with. There is nothing that will confuse a submissive more than inconsistency. Respect in my opinion should NOT have to be a rule; Bottom line is in my house my slave calls me master without fail. You might ask even in front of family? The answer is yes we have learned a few words in another language in order to communicate in front of others. Hence being consistent.

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