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Argentopal -> RE: 24/7 (6/5/2007 1:10:34 PM)
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xoel,
First of all, this is a wonderful journey on which you have embarked along with someone you either love or at least have a deep desire to serve. Keeping a journal is indeed a good way to remember all these feelings you have now and to make sure and get your questions and concerns addressed.
So many people we meet seem to view 24 /7 as some sort of Holy Grail or some huge prize that they will find if they are only good enough. They act like it is living The Marketplace every day, all day. In their fantasy I always wonder who takes out the garbage. Some seem to loose sight of the fact that we are all just people and people get tired, get sick, get laid off. Real people drive cars that break down, pay bills, deal with idiots at work, want time to go shopping/fishing. Real people are not naked serving dinner each and every night, real people do not get played all the time, rel people are just like all the other real people and in the end while (imho) a strong Ds relationship has a much better chance of lasting than 'most' vanilla marriages (please note I did say IMHO and 'most') it is still no guarentee. All Dominants are not perfect. All subs are not perfect.
Establish good communication skills NOW. Be totally, blatently honest NOW. I small personal habit (it might be as mundane as picking his teeth at the table) that you only see (tolerate) a few times a week will be something you have to watch every day. Sometimes we think, oh it isn't that bad, but the 10,000th time you have to see/hear/smell whatever it is it can get to you - same as in any marriage. Make sure you know and can accept his "management style". Some like to micro-manage every thing. Some like to say "here is your monthly budget. Make sure we eat good and never run out of toilet paper or beer". Some want to always select your clothes, some want you to select theirs for them so they don't have to think about it. Expecting one thing and getting another can be a rude awakening.
Argent and I did one thing right at the very beginning. We established "free time". Once a week, at a specific day and time, we sat on the couch and I laid with my head in his lap and I was allowed to say anything I wanted - respectfully- without fear of correction or reprisals later. I could whine about anything or ask for advice or help or tell him a thing was too hard to do or took longer than he had alloted - anything at all. And he dealt with it if he could, changed what he could, or told me to deal with it this way or that way. But then I could get things off my chest, so to speak, and not be in trouble and take care of problems.
It can work and questions now are good. It does not indicate self doubt, it indicates a desire to figure out potential problems ahead of time. The people who do not ask questions or who feel like they will just deal with each thing as it comes up are the ones in for a rude awakening. If you beginn to think you see "red flags" then perhaps a step back wold be good, but the next 6 months and planning this far ahead does indicate that you both are giving it the serious thought a step of this magnitude deserves.
Good luck and take care.
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