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KimmyMac -> New to BDSM (6/4/2007 9:47:01 PM)
I am new to the BDSM lifestyle and have many questions. Can I still be considered a sub when I have an indepent life right now? How do I find out more information so that I can make an educated decision about my choice in life? I consider myself a sub because I like pleasing people and it makes me happy doing so and would like to have a relationship at some point where I may give my trust to a dom is this a wrong assumption? I am into some pain but don't want to go to far but I do want to be pushed slightly past my limits is this a bad thing? Any advice that you can give me would be great.

juliaoceania -> RE: New to BDSM (6/4/2007 10:12:08 PM)
quote: Can I still be considered a sub when I have an indepent life right now? I am independent, have a dom, and I am a submissive... so I would say yes quote: How do I find out more information so that I can make an educated decision about my choice in life? I would read boards like this one, listen to the common sense that you were born with, and trust your gut instinct to help you make good choices. That voice that tells you something is wrong for you should never be ignored because other people tell you a "real" or "true" submissive does things their way... being submissive does not mean you do not get to make choices based upon your own desires in life. quote: I consider myself a sub because I like pleasing people and it makes me happy doing so and would like to have a relationship at some point where I may give my trust to a dom is this a wrong assumption? I would take trusting anyone in any relationship slowly, trust evolves. There is no rush, is there? quote: I am into some pain but don't want to go to far but I do want to be pushed slightly past my limits is this a bad thing? Any advice that you can give me would be great. There are others that are more experienced at having different play partners than I am, I have only had two, and both were individuals that I had ongoing long term relationships with. Perhaps someone with more experience in negotiating scenes, public play, and that sort of thing could give you better advice than I could. I would suggest finding a local group to introduce yourself to, and read read read books about BDSM... like Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns... The Loving Dominant... The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book... The Ethical Slut. Remember to respect yourself first and foremost, and your own personal safety

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: New to BDSM (6/4/2007 10:22:25 PM)
Wait six months before making a commitment to anyone. Relationships need the same work and foundation here as they do anywhere. People are exactly the same in bdsm as they are in vanilla. Decide for yourself what works for you. My advice for Novice Female Submissives Newbie! At a loss I'm a new domme seeking advice Does a slave also have to be a fool? sub: totally new concept Questions for other newbies The Journey Starting Out New to the Life, Help How to deal? Request for Advice Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master? First time sub seeking advice a newbie seeking advice How can I be a great sub? Brand new life Help needed Emotional Rollercoaster Welcoming newbies New to this Just a few questions Do's and Dont's

slaveish -> RE: New to BDSM (6/5/2007 4:35:04 AM)
Submitting is just another part of who you are. Look at it this way - could you live on submission alone? Probably not. Independence is necessary, as are your own morals and ethics (do not let a potential Dom knock those down by saying "You are not a "true" sub if you do not ...") As LA said, D/s dynamics are still relationships. If this person is not someone you would like without regard to his state of UberDomliness, if this person is not someone you admire and respect, the chances of it lasting long-term are fairly slim. Submission is not all about sex. Relationships built solely on sex do not last; thus, the D/s dynamic built only on a sexual foundation will not endure. Any Dom who wants you to cam or send dirty pics before he gets to know you is (most likely) a HNG looking for masturbatory material. Remain true to who you are. Read a lot. Learn as much as you can. The message boards are full of good information, and will also show you that we are all just people with our own opinions and thoughts and ideas. BDSM isn't magic or mysterious - we're just people who are open about our lifestyle choices.

darkinshadows -> RE: New to BDSM (6/5/2007 4:54:39 AM)
quote: Can I still be considered a sub when I have an indepent life right now? Yes - most definately. quote: How do I find out more information so that I can make an educated decision about my choice in life? Read books, talk to people, read the forum, ask questions. Don't get caught up in one true way and realise that BDSM is just another aspect of life and not some seperate entity. quote: I consider myself a sub because I like pleasing people and it makes me happy doing so and would like to have a relationship at some point where I may give my trust to a dom is this a wrong assumption? Don't get wrapped up in the label game. Labels are great to try and define yourself in general sense, but dont become over burdened by specifics. There are many types of submissives, slaves, service orientated people etc - use what works for you then be ready and able to break it down - you can be many things in many ways to many people. Realise that you dont have to be a masochist to be a submissive and visa versa. Learn about yourself and become accepting of your needs and desires as well as what you may be able to offer another before you get into any relationship. I agree that you should give yourself at least 6 months - I would even say at least a year. Soft limts are to be pushed IMO, so not, not wrong there in your wanting and thinking at all.

spankmepink11 -> RE: New to BDSM (6/5/2007 6:54:01 AM)
I can't add to the great advice you've been given, other than to say that you've been given some great advice .[;)] Enjoy your journey.

drawntothedark -> RE: New to BDSM (6/5/2007 7:06:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KimmyMac I am new to the BDSM lifestyle and have many questions. Can I still be considered a sub when I have an indepent life right now? *Yes! I am independent and are in a Dom/Sub relationship. Infact, he was looking for an independent sort of girl when he found me.* How do I find out more information so that I can make an educated decision about my choice in life? There are many books you could read. "Screw the roses send me the thorns is a good one'. Also hanging out here and reading up on what other people have to say about the lifestyle has been a huge help for me. Also remember to listen to your inner voices. They are usually the smartest people you know. I consider myself a sub because I like pleasing people and it makes me happy doing so and would like to have a relationship at some point where I may give my trust to a dom is this a wrong assumption? No I am into some pain but don't want to go to far but I do want to be pushed slightly past my limits is this a bad thing? Any advice that you can give me would be great. Every BDSM relationship is diffrent. If your into only light pain then you can find someone who only requires light pain.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: New to BDSM (6/5/2007 7:25:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KimmyMac I am new to the BDSM lifestyle and have many questions. Can I still be considered a sub when I have an indepent life right now? This is a subjective, opinion-based answer. Some feel that you can't be a Master or a slave (or Dominant or submissive) unless you're in a relationship...kind of like how you aren't a wife if you're not married. Others don't feel this is true and that whichever role you are is a part of your personality and can't be turned off and on based on your relationship status. quote: How do I find out more information so that I can make an educated decision about my choice in life? There's a shitload of information on the net and in these forums. I also suggest checking out some of the books in the lists found in my signature. Also, you can't replace the experiences you'll have by joining your local community and, when you're ready, the national one. quote: I consider myself a sub because I like pleasing people and it makes me happy doing so and would like to have a relationship at some point where I may give my trust to a dom is this a wrong assumption? If this is how you define a submissive, then it's not a wrong assumption. I don't define a sub or slave that way simply because I, too, an a pleaser. The Servant archetype is STRONG with me, yet I know through experience that I am a Master, not a sub or slave. But, that's MY definition, not yours. All you have to do is look for someone who shares this definition. quote: I am into some pain but don't want to go to far but I do want to be pushed slightly past my limits is this a bad thing? No, this isn't a bad thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you find a Dom or Master worth their salt, they will take your newness into consideration. If they don't, then they aren't a match for you and you should move on. Welcome to the Wide Wide World of Kink and Leather. Master Fire

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