MizSuz
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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MizSuz
quote:
ORIGINAL: Erusvi
Are you in love with your submissive now? What qualities of a submissive man endear him to your heart? And, perhaps most importantly, what does it mean to you, to love the man that serves you?
I do not currently "own" a submissive (and haven't for some time). I do currently love, and am loved by, many who happen to be submissive.
I'm afraid I am out of time at the moment and can not answer your last two questions. I probably will not be able to for at least a week as I just discovered I have a family emergency and will be afk for a time.
I promise to revisit it. I'm looking forward to it.
The last two questions: "What qualities of a submissive man endear him to your heart?" and "And, perhaps most importantly, what does it mean to you, to love the man that serves you?" are what I address here (and are not all inclusive).
The qualities of a submissive man that endear him to my heart. What a wonderful way of putting that. I thought a lot about this question and realized that my struggle to define was because I was trying to pinpoint specific traits across the board when, as I have oft mentioned on these boards, I do not believe there are any cookie cutters (at least none that I've found work for me). I tend to try to find the beauty in the individual, searching for strengths and vulnerabilities for that one person, and then try to build a relationship around what I perceive are the needs and wants of the relationship. The qualities that endear me to one may be very different from the qualities that endear me to another.
Then I thought "surely there are things in general that attract me." The answer is yes there are and surprisingly few of them have to do with BDSM; rather, they are qualities that tend to permeate the individual and thereby effect his submission.
The usual standards apply. Honesty, integrity, commitment. I think of these as minimum standards. But what makes my heart skip, what catches my breath, what engenders awe and humility in me?
For a plethora of personal reasons that I won't go into here I have come to have a passion for what is called, in the self-help jargon of our time, self-actualization. In a previous thread ErusVI made some mention of "the mirror of self examination." It is very difficult for me to have deep and/or profound respect, especially in a personal relationship, for someone in which this mirror does not exist. He must have a passion for knowing himself and all his dark little corners. He must also have looked long and hard in this mirror, and come to love what he sees. Invariably this will be the person who, in the practice of his own self examination, will engender humility in me and often take my breath. From this comes the most profound gifts.
The by-product of this sort of self examination is self-esteem, confidence, quiet humility. Those are some of the outward manifestations that first attract me. It usually doesn't take very long to discern whether you are dealing with someone who has done the prerequisite self examination or one who has learned to project the appearance of the qualities alone (referencing self-esteem, confidence, humility). Usually those that are projecting the appearance miss the quiet humility.
What does it mean to me to love a submissive man? It means I have a passion for giving him a safe (although not necessarily easy) place from which to look in the mirror, and it means he is someone I know would (and could) do the same for me.
< Message edited by MizSuz -- 2/22/2004 10:10:34 AM >
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“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein
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