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Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 1:14:58 PM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Since I believe that there is a real dynamic of dominance and submission in many, including my own relationships, I believe that as the dominant party in the relationship I have significant responsibility for the effects of my control on the submissive party. If I believed that we were simply role-playing the D/s dynamic, I would consider my partner's responsibility regarding effects on herself as complete. But, to the degree that I actually have the power to cause things to happen, to the degree that she does things because I want them done, I acquire responsibility for those things.
One implication of this is that I tend to feel that people who insist that all D/s is role-playing are attempting to insulate themselves from responsibility.

Post #: 1

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 1:22:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

While there are plenty of people all over the place trying to abdicate responsibility, I don't see the labeling of something as "role play" included as such or a motivation to do such.

I also don't think masters or slaves have more responsibilities than the other, nor do I think they have more responsibilities than a vanilla relationship.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_737091/mpage_1/key_responsibility/tm.htm#737398
Responsibility & Obedience

http://www.collarchat.com/m_682325/mpage_4/key_responsibility/tm.htm#683960
Responsibility in Slavery

http://www.collarchat.com/m_682325/mpage_1/key_responsibility/tm.htm#682343
Responsibility

http://www.collarchat.com/m_196066/mpage_1/key_responsibility/tm.htm#196066
Responsibility to Self

http://www.collarchat.com/m_312293/mpage_2/key_responsibility/tm.htm#313609
Personal Responsibility

http://www.collarchat.com/m_458412/mpage_1/key_responsibility/tm.htm#459247
Slavery/submission and personal responsibility

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 1:30:21 PM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
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I didn't say 'more responsibility'. However, I recognize dynamics other than D/s- and one is that in which independent actors of equal power interact for their own benefit. Engaging in 'role-play', which imitates but does not involve an actual imbalance of power, is such a dynamic. In such a case, I suggest that individuals have primary responsibility for the effects of the interaction on themselves. However, where an actual imbalance of power, of whatever kind, exists, the more powerful actor acquires additional responsibilities, because the less powerful actor has limits on their ability to effect outcomes, and cannot be responsible for what they cannot effect. At the moment, for instance, I have no responsibility for the coming heat-death of the universe, but should I acquire the ability to prevent it, I would acquire a degree of responsibility for it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 1:32:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I do not see any inherent shift in the "possible effect of outcomes" by being in a M/s relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 4

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 2:31:38 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I own a slave. He belongs to me. I see the aspect of role play. I see the aspect of wearing hats. I see the aspect of this is who I am all the time no matter what, so it is not a game.

I am very responsible for him. I have the very real power to bring him to his knees with nothing more than a simple three word phrase. He claims it to be true, I've seen it happen. I am responsible for his well being and safety when in my care and he is unable to have a coherent thought (read: when in headspace). When he is not in my presence he is responsible for himself. My opinions and thoughts matter to him and he takes them into consideration, as I do his.

Robert had to leave suddenly, yesterday, to go back to PA for a week. Neither of us planned it, but it happened. I wanted him to wait and leave this a.m. after getting some sleep. He wanted to leave last night, with no additional sleep under his belt. Could I have "made" him wait? Possibly. Did I? No. Was I upset with him because he left last night? No. Did I abdicate my responsibility to him? Nope. He made a judgement call as an adult human being. He felt he could make the trip and because I trust his day to day judgement I didn't try to stop him from leaving. He made the trip safe and sound. He's a big boy, he knows his body better than I do (at this point *S*) and I trust him.

Now...I suppose we could ask well was that submissive of him? Is he a good slave if he "argued" his point and wanted to go even though I didn't want him to go? Yep. He's an amazing slave and I respect him MORE for sharing how he felt and "risking" my reaction. If he had stated his case and I'd said no he would have said "yes Mistress" and that would have been that.

I don't care what *you* say about who I am...that I play a role, that I wear a dominant hat, that I am a true or not true Mistress....what matters is that Robert and I know who we are to each other; we work and work wonderfully together.

I don't believe *most* others feel they are trying to ignore responsibility either.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 2:43:05 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I agree with what he's saying to some point. While we can all say we are playing a role, weather it be as Dom, sub, employee, parent, child, etc.... there are some who are simply playing a game. I've had "Internet Doms" instruct me to do stupid things that could get me hurt or arrested. They probably didn't really think I'd do it, but if I had, because they were only playing a game, they would have felt no responsibility for my following their orders.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 6

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 2:43:57 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

The D/s dynamic is about responsibility. The tops responsibility to the bottom and visa versa. I don't see it as role-playing. What some of us get into is VERY serious stuff, ie knifeplay. A very sharp object against the body is not play, its serious stuff, yes, its very enjoyable, yet, I have many responsibilites as does my partner to eachother to keep what is going on safe. Nothing 'play' about that.

M/s is NOT all that different from a vanilla relationship, its just different. Shared responsibilites, honesty, trust, communication, love, etc, same things in a vanilla relationship as an M/s one. Just different.

I believe that those who think M/s is 'role-playing' are playing themselves and want to group more people with what they percieve as 'fantasy' verses realtiy. Many one thse boards LIVE M/s relationships, for others its a fantasy, they may indulge on occassion or they dream of it. One is not better or worse than the other, just different.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 7

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 3:13:46 PM

Quivver

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane

Since I believe that there is a real dynamic of dominance and submission in many, including my own relationships, I believe that as the dominant party in the relationship I have significant responsibility for the effects of my control on the submissive party. If I believed that we were simply role-playing the D/s dynamic, I would consider my partner's responsibility regarding effects on herself as complete. But, to the degree that I actually have the power to cause things to happen, to the degree that she does things because I want them done, I acquire responsibility for those things.
One implication of this is that I tend to feel that people who insist that all D/s is role-playing are attempting to insulate themselves from responsibility.

110% in agreement. So often when there is an authority figure the one under them having a need to please follows blindly. We see this daily in buisness, why not with a Dom and a Sub? Employers who want to keep good employees have to take responsibility for them, just as a Dom needs to if he wants to keep a good Sub.
Now let me fess up here, I know a whole lot more about the buisness end then the Dom /sub end. But we've all read time after time where someone dropped the responsibility ball and the outcome was rarely pretty.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 8

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 3:15:58 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane
Since I believe that there is a real dynamic of dominance and submission in many, including my own relationships, I believe that as the dominant party in the relationship I have significant responsibility for the effects of my control on the submissive party. If I believed that we were simply role-playing the D/s dynamic, I would consider my partner's responsibility regarding effects on herself as complete. But, to the degree that I actually have the power to cause things to happen, to the degree that she does things because I want them done, I acquire responsibility for those things.
One implication of this is that I tend to feel that people who insist that all D/s is role-playing are attempting to insulate themselves from responsibility.

CitizenCane, I believe there is a real dynamic of dominance and submission in many relationships as well. I will go so far to express it extends to other relationships as well.   I too believe strongly that the dominant party has a significant responsibility for the effects of control on the submissive.  I'm in total agreement with you 100% on this so far.

However, I actually believe some people that take D/s as being to real hide behind D/s to avoid the same responsibility we both are talking about.   i.e. I hit my slave because I felt like it kind of shit. Where criminally abusive people hide in the shadows of D/s when it's just illresponsibile Bullshit.  Where they feel they can do anything damn thing they please without being held responsible for thier actions.   Wife Beaters and typical abusers hide behind D/s.   You know she's my wife and I have the right to fucking beat her and use her for a doormat type of shit.   There was more violence and abuse under true D/s than you can shake a stick at.   Women getting beat up by drunken asshole husbands and Domly men not taking or assuming responsibility for shit. Why because that was the natural order of the D/s world between husband and wife. She had no power or control over this crap.   True D/s does not dictate anything about having consideration for the submissive. The Dom/me simply does whatever they see fit regardless of responsibility or not.    D/s does not equal Responsibility!   Hence why SSC and other codes have been adopted by the BDSM community.    HELL, the whole womens rights movement happened in part because too many Domly Men were not taking responsibility.

Some people behind D/s to insulate themselve from taking responsibility. Women were abused and battered for a long time behind Real True D/s.   Fuck All just because you or I take responsibility for actions does not mean another Dom will... not if they start believeing they can do whatever they want regardless of the law.   There are those in BDSM that clearly are just abusers hidning behind D/s in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.

Perhaps we should break it down between Responsible and illresponsible D/s... think concepts along the lines of SSC start to develop then. Just because one is living out (playing) out a role in life does not make it less real.   I like the Job analogy from another thread.   What do you want to do for a living? Fireman, Police officer, Doctor, what role do you play in society? What role do you play in a relationship? Daddy Dom, Sadist Master, 50's Man of household?   To what level or extreme do you go with it while still maintaining responsibility.    Some people live out D/s to the point it's not legal. This occurs in our society in Vanilla and BDSM relationships.

Under true D/s regard for the law or responsibility is optional. The Dom can do whatever the fuck they want without answering to anybody or anything, or accepting responsibility for shit.   In a true D/s relationship one does not have to be concerned about the welfare of a submissive or accept responsibility for shit, this is only optional.

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 4:09:17 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane

Since I believe that there is a real dynamic of dominance and submission in many, including my own relationships, I believe that as the dominant party in the relationship I have significant responsibility for the effects of my control on the submissive party. If I believed that we were simply role-playing the D/s dynamic, I would consider my partner's responsibility regarding effects on herself as complete. But, to the degree that I actually have the power to cause things to happen, to the degree that she does things because I want them done, I acquire responsibility for those things.
One implication of this is that I tend to feel that people who insist that all D/s is role-playing are attempting to insulate themselves from responsibility.

Regardless of the silly debate of role-play vrs not role-play.

We are all responsible for how we behave. Even if we are choosing to behave in manner that another wants.

I personally feel that those who project an opinion that Dominants have a greater responsibility than submissives are insulating submissives from the responsibility and consequences of their actions. In my opinion... alot of people attempt to evade and avoid responsibility for their behaviors... Dominants and submissives alike.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 10

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 4:10:19 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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I see BDSM as roleplay. But like I said before - I see all of life is one big roleplay.

I don't see roleplay a big issue or a big omgosh - a is better than b.

As Faramir kindly explained to me, roleplay as a word is used differently by some people, to how I define it - and they define it almost like 'acting'. Maybe I am just picky. To me that would be just 'acting' - not roleplaying.

So if you said to me, that BDSM is just acting - I would disagree.

Roleplaying is different to me. Acting is playing something you are not and could never be (during a fantasy scene)- roleplaying is being something you have the ability to be with time and effort.

Your given a role.

You play it or you don't.

And if you accept the role, you play it in the way that suits you best.

Like a musical instrument.... you either have the gift to play it, or you learn how to.

So that said, apparently now I am avoiding responsibility.

Someone else had the patience and understanding to see what I was asking and took the responsibilty to explain it to me which is all good and very cool on his part.

You are simply not trying to understand anothers approach, and instead, taking the lazy and less responsible route by making assumptions and not discussing and communicating. It is easy to accuse someone when they do not agree than to see their POV.

And I echo LA - Ms relationships have no more responsibilities than non Ms - they may have different responsibilities but that isn't any different to all relationships having different responsibilities depending on the individuals involved.

As for people hiding behind Ds and avoiding responsibility - that happens in everything... in non BDSM, in jobs and work placements, in non BDSM relationships. That is what some adults do and seeing as BDSM contains 'normal' people - it is gonna happen.

Peace

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to CitizenCane)

Post #: 11

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 4:21:38 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane

Since I believe that there is a real dynamic of dominance and submission in many, including my own relationships, I believe that as the dominant party in the relationship I have significant responsibility for the effects of my control on the submissive party. If I believed that we were simply role-playing the D/s dynamic, I would consider my partner's responsibility regarding effects on herself as complete. But, to the degree that I actually have the power to cause things to happen, to the degree that she does things because I want them done, I acquire responsibility for those things.
One implication of this is that I tend to feel that people who insist that all D/s is role-playing are attempting to insulate themselves from responsibility.

Regardless of the silly debate of role-play vrs not role-play.

We are all responsible for how we behave. Even if we are choosing to behave in manner that another wants.

I personally feel that those who project an opinion that Dominants have a greater responsibility than submissives are insulating submissives from the responsibility and consequences of their actions. In my opinion... alot of people attempt to evade and avoid responsibility for their behaviors... Dominants and submissives alike.

I agree. I dont think there is a greater amount of responsibility connected to being a dominant as much as the responsibilies are different then the one's the submissive has.

Its my responsibility to make good decisions and the responsibility of the slave to obey those orders as long as I am being responsible.

The dynamic works by both people being responsible and has little to do with who has the authority or not.

Nor is the equality of responsibility any significant sign that we're all just pretending.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 4:48:59 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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You have responsibility in a power unequal relationship because both you and your partner want you to have this responsibility. But there are dominants who don't want the burden of extra responsibility and there are subs who don't want responsibility removed from them.

Personally if his decisions can have an enormous impact on me, then I bear responsibility to agree to his decision and if I think he's writing checks that he can't cash, so to speak, then it is my responsibility to find supporting information to allow him to make a better decision, and it is my decision (and my responsibility) to refuse to let him screw things up.

But that's in my relationship. I'm supposed to use my intelligence and my support system (lawyer, accountant, physicians, therapists etc) to help prevent a bad outcome. I have this formidable support system in place in my life, we both agree that refusing to use it is just plain foolish. Other people run their relationships otherwise.

And to be honest, I also made use of this support system in my vanilla marriage and for the same reason. If we disagreed then it was apparent that we were looking at different information and one if not both were missing something important.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 13

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 5:19:22 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
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reposted with his permission btw..this has been stolen and used here before
This article was written by my good friend Rusty Farmer (UTmaster here)

4/5/2006 4:51 pm
[Post a comment] Last Read:
12/11/2006 9:18 am
Responsibilities of a Dominant
by Rusty Farmer Dec 9, 2005

A Dominant is responsible for the truth; all the time, not just when it is convenient. In a D/s relationship the truth is an essential building block. Everything in a power exchange dynamic is based upon the honor and integrity of the Dominant. Trust, Honor and Respect are all derived from the truth. No responsibility is more critical that the truth.

A submissive has to be able to believe their Dominant if they are to believe in them. “Trust me” are words that Dominants will say to their submissive. That trust has to be genuine; at times the submissives very life could be jeopardized if the trust didn’t exist. Over-dramatic? No, not at all. “Trust me” has strong definition when the Dominant has a razor sharp knife tracing down the outside of their jugular veins. “Trust me” has strong definition when you have orange hot flames dancing off the skin of your submissive’s back. “Trust me” has strong definition when pushing a saline-filled hypodermic needle deep into your submissive’s labia.

So much of what we do demands absolute trust. It takes belief. It takes believing. All of which are derived from the truth.

A Dominant is responsible for the safety and well being of their submissive. Even the simplest of activities requires the Dominant to shoulder enormous responsibility. For example, a simple flogging scene necessitates many separate, but connected responsibilities. The Dom is responsible for knowing how to swing the flogger; how to aim it; how to adjust for force of each stroke. The Dom is responsible for knowing where to aim, what parts of the body are safe to strike and which one to avoid, and why. The Dominant is responsible for negotiating the scene, to ascertain the submissive’s medical history, what current medications they are on, any psychological triggers the scene may trip, and how to deal with the after effects. The Dom is responsible for knowing first aid, for providing after care, to look for changes in physical conditions like hypoglycemia or contusions. The Dom is responsible for the scene itself, how to start it, how to build it, how to build physical reactions such as the release of endorphins, how to help the submissive to achieve subspace and how to keep them there. The Dominant is responsible for getting into the submissives’s head and to tweak and play with their emotions. The Dom is responsible for all of this while also being responsible for all the outside variables during the scene as well; the lighting, the music, the temperature, the other people who may be around the scene. And the Dominant is responsible for bringing the submissive back to normal.

I’m sure many of you thought the Dom was only responsible for making sure the flogger hit the submissive on the ass. Most of the responsibility the Dominant takes on is never noticed, nor is it meant to be. If the submissive had to worry about even 10% of what the Dominant takes responsibility for, they would never be able to relax enough to enjoy the session.

Not only is the Dominant responsible for the safety of their submissive, but they are responsible for the submissive themselves. The character, attitude and behavior of a submissive reflect upon the character of the Dominant. Thus the Dominant becomes responsible for each and every action of the submissive. The only way this can happen is for the Dominant to be held in such high esteem that the submissives desire deeply to honor the Dominant with their behavior. Along with the trust, the honor and respect has to flow both ways.

The Dominant has a responsibility to the lifestyle in general. Their behavior needs to be ideal at all times. This is a lifestyle with very few instruction manuals; most of what we learn is by observation of those more experienced around us. The Dominant is always a role model, either to their submissive, other submissives, other Dominants and to those on the outside edges of our lifestyle looking in. How I am depicted as a Dominant by an interested onlooker is how all Dominants are thought of. That is an enormous responsibility that has to be constantly carried by all Dominants.

The Dominant is responsible for teaching, for nurturing, for caring, for loving, for training, for providing discipline and for being the leader of the D/s relationship. Leading by example is the responsibility that the Dominant will be most noticed for. Dominants are watched and judged closely by submissives and other Dominants alike. There is little room for error. To hold Dominants to such high standards is a responsibility held jointly by everyone in the lifestyle.

The Dominant is responsible for the Dominant.
The Dominant is responsible for the submissive.
The Dominant is responsible for the lifestyle.

Being a Dominant in this lifestyle is a choice. Accepting the responsibilities that go along with the choice isn’t.

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 14

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 7:05:19 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
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didn't mean to end the discussion here

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 15

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/5/2007 8:07:53 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

didn't mean to end the discussion here

Your last post pretty much nuked it. Excellent article.. I give it two thumbs up. It follows responsible BDSM concepts such as SSC.   D/s is in check.. abuse is in check. Responsible Sane Safe consensual play is going on. Loving, supportive D/s relationship.

The article does not encourage Dom/Masters mindlessly do what ever they please to another human being.

I personally don't prescibe to Masters mindlessly doing whatever they please. I believe Masters/Doms can do whatever they please within a safe,sane and consensual framework. A framework that promotes responsibilitiy not only towards the submissve/bottom but to the BDSM community as a whole.

The article says everything and anything I've been trying to stress.  There are those out there that have D/s relationship that are very contrary to what the Author wrote.   I believe that when one removes SSC or similar concepts from a D/s relationship it's an open invitation for abuse to occur. Where a Dom feels they are free to do what ever they want without being responsible. This is why we have the laws we do now days, because people were not taking responsibility and need to be punished for not doing so.  A sub/slave has the right to stop abuse, the right to end a relationship with an illresponsible Master/Dom. The sub/slave also has the right to take legal action to make certain it damn well stops.   I'm sick to death about hearing how a sub/slave has no right or responsibility for their own welfare.  That only Masters/Dom have the right to terminate the relationship.   That SSC somehow hampers D/s relationships. Personally, I raise my eyebrows and personally question the reasoning why anybody would refuse to practice SSC or some similar code of conduct in D/s relationships.   Is it perhaps they want the freedom to take no responsibility or accountability for their own actions? Make me wonder about abusers hidding or lurking amoung us in BDSM that want to hide behind D/s as a shield for thier bad behaviors.   Seriously folks this makes me wonder and question things at times.

Excellent Article.. that's what I have to say..

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 16

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/6/2007 6:19:27 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

i agree with the OP, that in a D/s relationship the Dominant is responsible for the welfare of the submissive who follows them...even more so when it comes to TPE or M/s dynamics. however, and this is a big however...i do not believe that responsibility necessarily translates to obligation. meaning, that if things go terribly wrong, if the submissive or slave is mentally or physically damaged severely or even beyond repair, then the Dominant/Master accepts that this was in great part his bad, willingly takes the fall, blames no one but himself...but he was never obligated to do things any differently, to take better care or be more attentive or sensitive. He simply accepts responsibility for the fall-out. i do feel that the responsibility is far greater in the D/s dynamic than in the mainstream, modern vanilla dynamic, as in a vanilla relationship both people are coming from a more or less equal place...equal in status, equal in power. as has been mentioned, in D/s a submissive or slave may often be blindly following behind the Dominant, they have handed over everything to the Dominant, have placed their lives sometimes in the hands of the Dominant.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 17

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/6/2007 7:25:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

My perspective may be different in that, every relationship I had as a slave required a lot MORE responsibility for myself and life than if I were single. My owners expected a lot of me and I was responsible for that (as always- what's the point of punishment or reward if the slave isn't responsible?) If I were single, I'd have enjoyed a MUCH less responsible existence to others or other tasks.

So I think the notion that the dom is all responsible and the sub is not at all responsible is pure bunk.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 18

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/6/2007 7:28:19 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
So I think the notion that the dom is all responsible and the sub is not at all responsible is pure bunk.

Well, I'm sure you just already know that I have to agree with this statement.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Dominance and Responsibility - 6/6/2007 8:25:19 AM

amiciaN

Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My perspective may be different in that, every relationship I had as a slave required a lot MORE responsibility for myself and life than if I were single. My owners expected a lot of me and I was responsible for that (as always- what's the point of punishment or reward if the slave isn't responsible?) If I were single, I'd have enjoyed a MUCH less responsible existence to others or other tasks.

So I think the notion that the dom is all responsible and the sub is not at all responsible is pure bunk.

Having seen all the threads lately that seem to revolve around responsibility, acting like responsible adults etc., this made me want to post. What I think many are not seeing is that those who kneel, even those who stay at home and 'make no decisions' are still responsible to those whose collars they wear. What they are actually doing is exchanging what responsibilities they have, not eliminating responsibility. If I do not do something well, or it causes me a great deal of stress and worry, what on earth is wrong with finding a partner who handles that responsibility well and with ease, and turning it over to them?? In exchange, I offer things to that partner that they may not do well. Vanilla partners do the same things. One detests balancing the checkbook but can cook, the other burns water, but can keep a checkbook balance to the penny in their head. Who is going to be responsible for what in that relationship, regardless of who, if anyone, kneels?

What differs in D/s, bdsm, M/s or any other relationship form that those who post here participate in, is the responsibilities that are exhanged and how those responsibilites are met. If a person's only responsibility is to be obedient, then they are usually expected to be completely obedient. I am certain that those who live in this type of structure would be quick to say that an irresponsible person could not do it. Such a person is not irresponsible, they merely have a different responsibility.

As always this is only my opinion, ymmv.

_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Dominance and Responsibility

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