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Some questions - 6/4/2004 7:36:57 PM   
wizcitrix


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		So I live in Albany New York. I read a lot about events going on in the area, but when I have ever tried to go to the events I find most people there only want to dabble in BDSM play not true master/slave. I had a girl that attempted to be my slave for a while because she loves me but was unable to handle even light play. Now granted I am into very heavy M/s play but where can I find true slaves? I know people say find the brunches but even in the more "advanced" meetings I only find light dablers.

I have been thinking about trying a few of the leather events, upstate NY and the birkshires seem to have a lot going on, but altho I am a master, I have a shy personality until I get to know a person. This creates a large problem when trying to find a slave. Any tips from masters who have had similiar problems.?

Also, I am really in love with this girl who attempted to try to be a slave for me. Is there any way to slowly ease her into it? I understand most people say to be a slave is a concious chose but I thought maybe someone has a little more abstract opinion on the subject.
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RE: Some questions - 6/4/2004 10:04:06 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		First of all, what qualifies you to be a Master? There is your first problem. Second, you don't make anyone become a slave. You can't ease someone into it. They must have the desire in their heart . But as a Master, you already know all this don't you?

(in reply to wizcitrix)
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RE: Some questions - 6/5/2004 7:51:36 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

Is there any way to slowly ease her into it? I understand most people say to be a slave is a concious chose but I thought maybe someone has a little more abstract opinion on the subject.


M. Wizcitrix-

Sure, you can ease someone into anything, but the amount of effort involved would be tremendous, and I'd say you'd likely be looking at two or three years before there's really any payoff to it. If you are willing to defer your rewards to that exent, this would be my approach.

Judging form what you've said, I take it that you have some level of relationship with this subject, and that she expresses a willingness to participate in the process. That's actually a hugh first step out of the way.

For starters, Don't use any jargon for this stuff- when you label something, you give it a string of associations in the others head, many of which maybe negitive.

You are going to have to revert to light bedroom bondage for at least 3-4 months, to build a foundation of trust. You are also going to have to do a lot of work to make she that she has a good time with it. A good tactic is it have regular, vanilla sex two or three times to every incident of bondage, and when she's tied up, make damn sure that it's great sex for her. Go heavy on the aftercare, eat her till she cries, make her breakfast in bed, tie her up and shave her legs, draw her a hot tub afterwards or before.

Create a situation where she WANTS you to tie her up.

If something doesn't go well, never express anger. Calm disappointment, taking the blame on yourself, will go a long way to shaping her response to the next step. "gee, girl- I'm sorry. I thought that would have been really great for you. I liked it- thanks for letting me try it."

Make any pain play you introduce VERY light, and make it a side bar to whatever else you are doing. Spank her, a little, gently, and then go on with things, or make it a short, light flogging, and then gently and tenderly fuck her. Always let her know that you you wanted more, but thank her for what you did.

Debrief her after every scene- not immediatly, but after a few hours, or perhaps the next day. What worked for her? Why was something scary? What if you had done 'B' before 'A' instead of after?

If you play it right, you will create a mindset where she feels safe and treasured, and is aware that you want more of what, so far, has been a pleasant and resonable interaction. She will express a willingness for more, and once the 'thin edge of the wedge' is in place, you'll be able to introduce more and more intense levels of work into the relationship.

It takes time. Time and Paitience, Time and Paitience and Work. Focus, commitment, dedication. An awareness of the others innermost thoughts, drives and desires. An exacting level of technical skill and the unerring ability to apply it.

It takes Mastery.

Good luck,
Lawrence

PS- is there some explantion to your screen name?

< Message edited by topcat -- 6/5/2004 10:53:41 AM >

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to wizcitrix)
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RE: Some questions - 6/9/2004 2:48:12 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wizcitrix

I have a shy personality until I get to know a person. This creates a large problem when trying to find a slave. Any tips from masters who have had similiar problems.?


IMO your shyness isn't the problem, but your impatience and sense of entitlement is.

Your expectations to find that perfect edgeplay slave just waiting for you anywhere, including a leather event, is unrealistic. Even less likely is quickly converting a vanilla girlfriend.

As a human female of the sub/bottom persuasion, I must say Lawrence's advice is fabulous. Note the long-term nature of the conversion and his emphasis on the pleasure of your gf.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to wizcitrix)
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RE: Some questions - 6/17/2004 9:39:54 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Great advice, Lawrence.

I'll add a few other thoughts in general about 'conversion' in a different thread, as I think it is deserving of it's own commentary.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to wizcitrix)
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RE: Some questions - 6/17/2004 1:28:24 PM   
confusetheswede


Posts: 48
Joined: 4/5/2004
From: THE DIRTY DIRTY
Status: offline 		my advice is to have sex with the girl you love and just roleplay elsewhere, but make sure she knows how sexual you are and what you might be doing when she' not there. much love, marinas

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Some questions - 12/24/2004 9:46:16 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

(in reply to wizcitrix)
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RE: Some questions - 12/26/2004 4:34:12 PM   
MC2044


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		You are connected to Collarme.com, and there are other online dating sites you can use.

Topcat gave you good advice, if you want to "ease" your gf into the L/s, but be aware her limits may not meet your expectations; so either you lower your expectations or find another outlet.

And if your handle means you are a wiz at the Citrix computing environment, I have a personal question for you.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 2:47:42 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		One of the basic pre-requisites for being a self-proclaimed Master is actually owning your own slave - it sounds like you're a dom at best....

And from your strong emphasis on the physical play side of BDSM, a Dom is all you wanna be! Owning a slave brings great responsibility as the choices you make have to be in the best interest of TWO people! I'm not gonna write 3 pages on what I think defines a Master but it isn't edge play over "normal" D/s play, either! And the "true slaves" you speak of are out there but they're looking to serve and be owned by a Master who understands and takes his responsibilities seriously, not some abusive sadist looking to beat them to a pulp....

You have someone who you love and loves you but if she can't be the fantasy girl you desire, it's time you were honest with her. She sounds like a vanilla who's tried her best to meet your needs but you can't teach a vanilla to be submissive (or dominant) anymore than you can teach a hetero to be gay! You are or you aren't! Within the lifestyle, a slave is a submissive from the outset but who seeks much more than physical play....

You'll never find what you want until you find yourself, FIRST! Your profile literally is about you - you have no concept that a "slave" is still a human-being with wants and needs and has expectations from her Master that he's obligated to fulfill as well! Whatever others may think a Master is, it isn't just about you getting served and serviced!

It's no coincidence that all the Masters I know are over 30; maturity is another basic pre-requisite and that *IS* something you have the opportunity to learn with your vanilla girl friend.... Or not!

Focus50.

(in reply to MC2044)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 5:56:13 AM   
masterLon3446


Posts: 48
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		Of all the posts in this thread, Estring, January, Mistress DREAD and Focus hit it right on the head...seek a masochist, Not a slave, even though some masochists are slaves, Your Not a Master, Your a Dom..maybe, And easing someone into the lifestyle is not as easy as it seems, If it is in thier heart and soul to be a sub/slave then it will be so, but it will take time and lots of patience..no rushing here, because if you do she will stop in fear and leave, If you want advanced only the local BDSM clubs will have advanced, but then also, maybe, what you call advanced, is something most BDSM clubs will not allow for the safety of the masochist....
Be well and safe...

MasterLon

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 7:16:56 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		I am not to judge anyone, and if you find that special somone for you that is perfect, thank the Heavens and you are indeed blessed. But form what i read, i feel that you might be more sucsesfull if you work out exactly what you need and want. You can for example not expect that a girl, even if she is submissive is going to let you sudderly tie her down and torture her, to get to that level of trust takes time. And you would also need to find somone whit no prosnal life and no desidre expect being your sleve, that can be hard.

As for your girlfrind, take it as a wonderfull gift that she tried to do somthing she probably did not like to please you, be thankful for the love you got. That said i wish you luck in your search for a slave.

(in reply to masterLon3446)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 2:40:40 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wizcitrix

So I live in Albany New York. I read a lot about events going on in the area, but when I have ever tried to go to the events I find most people there only want to dabble in BDSM play not true master/slave.


*grabs the word "true" by the throat and stabs it repeatedly in the eyes*

You, wizcitrix, are not the final arbiter of all that is right and "true" in this world. You do not decide who is real and who is not, you do not stand in judgement of those that like kink. Do not presume to decide who is and is not "worthy" of anything. The only thing you can decide is whom you associate yourself with. Do not belittle others for being "different".

(in reply to wizcitrix)
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RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 2:58:36 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		I do agree Moleculor, but i do also see potential for a huge onine arugment here so it might be best to leve well enoh alone.

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 4:28:09 PM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		"Mastery" is an intense power exchange relationship skill.

It really has very little to do with play at whatever level. So drop the self title and just focus on play if that's what you want-you will alienate people by claiming a title of honor and responsibility if you have not clearly earned it.

If I had a dime for every "Faux Master" wandering about, I could probably retire! I do find it a bit upsetting that so many TOPS seem to feel they deserve to include this in thier handles, when they don't really have a clue what it MEANS in a realistic context.

Now,if you can get beyond this common social suicide issue,just make it clear that you desire this sort of thing,and give outside refferences about your competence to those who might be interested in *heavier play*.

But don't go calling it "M/s play" because you feel that more is better-it is NOT.

< Message edited by RealityFix -- 1/2/2005 4:39:18 PM >

(in reply to nella)
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RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 6:26:17 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well you have to take it slow to turn a nilla, if she's willing to try it to please you, you have a good starting point. Sometimes the journey of discovery is as enjoyable as the end result......be patient.

(in reply to wizcitrix)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 7:25:50 PM   
terah


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		kudos Estring..

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Some questions - 1/2/2005 7:33:11 PM   
TaurusMCMLVIII


Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Also, I am really in love with this girl who attempted to try to be a slave for me. Is there any way to slowly ease her into it? I understand most people say to be a slave is a concious chose but I thought maybe someone has a little more abstract opinion on the subject.

If you love this women then I would try to ease her into it. Be aware that this should be done very slowly and with a great deal of patience. With time, she may very well begin to enjoy at least light play and possibly more. How is this done? Talk, talk talk, and then more talk. Once the relationship advances, it may even be possible for her to have light sessions with you while you have another submissive who is used during heavy sessions. This can be done since I have this situation currently.

(in reply to wizcitrix)
Profile   Post #: 17
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