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A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 11:14:18 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		This may be considered a "rant" but I don't think so, since I percieve a rant to be based in negativity and My motive is just the opposite.
 
I read the forum daily even if I choose not to post. I enjoy the exchange of information, debate, and the support for one another I witness here. Sometimes a thread turns into a train wreck though and these threads often give Me more to consider than all the light and happy threads I find here.
 
When communication turns negative, I tune in and observe how others react. Some leave the conversation. Others try to restore calm by mediating. Others will post explanations, clarifications and apologies for posts they've made. Still others will post comments designed to elevate, escalate or mislead the conversation until it is a huge mess that is impossible to unscramble.
 
It is this last group that has Me thinking this afternoon. Quite often, these people will take comments personally when it is obvious that no one intends harm. These people will post long diatribes as if they are the only person who has ever suffered. They will take things out of context, or twist things around. Suddenly good, honest passion becomes obsession and a thread becomes "us" against "them".  Of course these threads are sometimes awful to watch. Then again, sometimes they can become humorous.
 
I've discovered over the years that I can disagree with someone and still respect them if they can agree to disagree and respect My right to have My views too. I've discovered that My estimation of people (on these boards and elsewhere) either rises or falls according to how they behave in a disagreement. Oh, it's easy to like someone when everything is calm and peaceful, but I find that the true measure of a person is how they react when things become stressful.
* Do they make allowances for other's viewpoints even if they are convinced about theirs? 
* Are they quick to apologize or clarify if they have been misunderstood?
* Do they stand firm and consistent in the face of opposition?
* Are they willing to change their mind or their behavior if they discover that another person is right?
* Do they discuss/debate the issue or do they resort to personal attacks?
* Do they really listen to others or simply repeat the same dogma over and over?
* Do they begin acting as if they are a victim?
* Are they open to conciliation or do they refuse chances to work thing out?
* Do they begin sorting other posters into groups of "us" and "them"?
* Do they validate others or invalidate them?
 
I'm sure I'm not the only person who does this.
 
I find that there are some regular posters that I ALWAYS look forward to seeing. They are always reasonable in the face of bullshit, emotion, and/or tension. They usually find the heart of the matter and can discuss without offending others (I sometimes wish I had that gift). They show compassion without feeding anyone's drama. They sometimes skillfully add humor when tension needs to be broken and know instinctively how to look at multiple sides of a topic and see merits in all of them.
 
I also find that there are some posters that I avoid like the plague. Sometimes it's their insensitivity. Sometimes it's their attitude(s). Sometimes it's because following their typing would take too long and I'd need a team of interpreters. (written communication just escapes some people! - LOL) Whatever the reason, I still try to respect them as people when we happen to be posting on the same thread.
 
I know that getting to know the posting styles of various people here helps Me immensely. Some I draw closer to in friendship. Some I look to for advice. Even the ones I avoid have helped in their way by revealing themselves openly as someone I do not want to spend time with... So it's all good.
 
Just last week a trainwreck happened and I became inadvertently involved. In that thread, I got to know another Domme closer through communications on the other side. I'm happy to say that she will be traveling to SELF in Atlanta this weekend, and will be staying as My guest at My home overnight Thursday. We've jokingly discussed sending a thank you card to the person who brought us together. I don't think he'd appreciate the gesture though... ~soft laugh~ Sadly, sometimes hurt feeling prevail even after sincere attempts to avoid them.
 
Anyway, I digress. I thank you all for being willing to come here, warts and all and reveal yourselves in this intimate setting. I look forward to the time we spend together.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 11:34:15 AM   
MzStormD


Posts: 43
Joined: 5/12/2007
From: Southern Illinois,USA
Status: offline 		Calandra, what a wonderful post. Im very new to the boards tho Ive been online for over 10 years. politesub53 introduced Me to the boards a couple weeks ago and Ive become quite the addict in reading them *he WILL pay for causing this addiction one day ~weg~* Ive enjoyed reading the different threads and watched with bated breathe as a couple of train wrecks happened. I must say for the most part Ive been quite amazed at the thought that goes into most peoples posts, and the glimpses they allow us of their world and how we each interact with the world as a whole within our own world(does that make sense?) So many here Id love to meet in person and just have regular conversation with.But thank goodness that this place (the internet as a whole)brings people from the world over, from different mindsets into one place where they can share thoughts, have rants, have fun and learn from one another. and Thank you Calandra for openin this thread.

MzStormD

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 11:55:50 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		I cant believe you have made such a personal attack on me, just because of my stance on the pricing tariff for tomatoes.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to MzStormD)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 12:41:14 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Great post and something I was actually ruminating on myself today after a post I made last night. (I lost my temper due to a number of outside influences..something I rarely do.)  Then I read this post and realized how much I appreciate these forums as a whole. The humor, the support of one another, yes even the trainwrecks. When I'm stuck on a particular concept or just tired of studying I can come here and be distracted by the forums and the multitude of individuals here for a few minutes and then get back into what I need to be doing. Ok, at times it's more than a few minutes, but the point is that it's a terrrific outlet where each of us can go to be ourselves and discuss the things that are important to us that perhaps we can't discuss with the people within our vanilla lives. The one place where someone else always seems to get what we're talking about regardless of the problem we're having or the point we're attempting to make.

Great post. I love all the food for thought that has come from these forums.     

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 12:53:54 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Not a rant at all, Calandra, and I also appreciate this post very much. 
I too notice and learn from the same things as you and others, and I have to say that, overall,  this is the best online group of Ladies I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  I have been reading and posting her for about 3 1/2 years now, and the names and faces change from time to time, but the atmosphere remains postive and supportive.
Thank you, Ladies!  One and all!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 12:56:12 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		It wasn't the stance on pricing that I attacked... I believe that tomatoes deserve a full life and am opposed to anyone cutting them down and eating them in their prime...
 
Those poor little red darlings getting harvested while they are still green have no quality of life!
 
If anything, I think the tarriff should be HIGHER - maybe less people can afford to eat them!

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 5:07:39 PM   
enslavedproperty


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I cant believe you have made such a personal attack on me, just because of my stance on the pricing tariff for tomatoes.

E




Ma'am, You forgot to mention the new universal law which stipulates all tomatoes must be branded with its country of origon.....i personally prefer tomatoes branded with those cute little green four leafed clovers.

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 5:16:41 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
I cant believe you have made such a personal attack on me, just because of my stance on the pricing tariff for tomatoes.


Well what do you bloody suppose we do? If we do what you say, the price of wheat sky rockets. And then the price of bread goes up. And then churches will begin to charge for commmunion. And then people will stop going to church!

I know what is going on here. This is a sinister plot by you towards an even more sinister agenda. You are trying to get people to turn to the devil. You are the devil, aren't you? People! Beware of the devil! The devil is amongst us!

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 5:36:13 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
If anything, I think the tarriff should be HIGHER - maybe less people can afford to eat them!


And what shall people eat instead? Shall they stand in the sun and pray for chlorophyl to be born in their skin? Succumbing to the devil as we do, do you think our prayers have a prayer of being answered? What else? Shall we go to the fields on all fours and eat grass instead? And what then will become of the cows? I bet you go cow tipping and smile at the thought of those innocent sweet creatures making moo sounds as they starve, begging for grass. I can just hear it. Moooo. Giggle. Mooo. Giggle. And I can already see the advertising. Beef, it's what the wealthy have for dinner. It will become a status symbol to eat beef with grey poupon. Caviar will be nothing. I for one don't want to pay a hundred dollars for a pizza with hamburger and mushrooms. This is insane! Insane, insane, insane! Your support for the tomatoes is nothing but cold hearted. You are so cold hearted! You are the devil, aren't you? People! Beware of the devil! The devil is amongst us!

Cheers,

Sea 

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 5:46:10 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Thankyou for taking the time to write this...it is food for thought.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 9:05:09 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
When communication turns negative, I tune in and observe how others react. Some leave the conversation. Others try to restore calm by mediating. Others will post explanations, clarifications and apologies for posts they've made. Still others will post comments designed to elevate, escalate or mislead the conversation until it is a huge mess that is impossible to unscramble. 
 
I find that there are some regular posters that I ALWAYS look forward to seeing. They are always reasonable in the face of bullshit, emotion, and/or tension. They usually find the heart of the matter and can discuss without offending others (I sometimes wish I had that gift). They show compassion without feeding anyone's drama. They sometimes skillfully add humor when tension needs to be broken and know instinctively how to look at multiple sides of a topic and see merits in all of them.


Indeed!  There are some very talented writers/negotiators who participate here that often leave me green with envy at the wonderful people skills they possess!
 
 
quote:

 
Just last week a trainwreck happened and I became inadvertently involved. In that thread, I got to know another Domme closer through communications on the other side. I'm happy to say that she will be traveling to SELF in Atlanta this weekend, and will be staying as My guest at My home overnight Thursday. We've jokingly discussed sending a thank you card to the person who brought us together. I don't think he'd appreciate the gesture though... ~soft laugh~ Sadly, sometimes hurt feeling prevail even after sincere attempts to avoid them.


Trainwrecks seem to happen here on an almost regularly scheduled basis!  Yet, it's always interesting to see the good that can come out of what can otherwise be viewed as a negative event.  People learn, people grow, and quite often new friends are made as you've already discovered on your own.
 
Thank you for posting your most insightful thoughts in this thread.
 
 - pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 10:23:02 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		Aw shucks pixel... I often look forward to YOUR posts. I notice that no matter how heated you are about a topic, (I remember one about responsible public play and your stance on unmentionables recently) you never stop being a gentleman. I wish more people would gain skill in communication rather than despise those who set a good example.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/6/2007 11:38:58 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

It is this last group that has Me thinking this afternoon. **Quite often, these people will take comments personally when it is obvious that no one intends harm. These people will post long diatribes as if they are the only person who has ever suffered.** They will take things out of context, or twist things around. Suddenly good, honest passion becomes obsession and a thread becomes "us" against "them".  


Why, whatever could you be talking about Dear Calandra?  I haven't the foggiest. Why, it's been a Saturn's year since I can remember anything of the sort occurring on this sweet little forum.

Can you see through my southern belle act? I'm just getting in the mood.  Yes folks, sometimes beautiful things can come from a train wreck...and sometimes it's just fun to watch it go up in smoke. 


_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 12:08:18 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		(Knock knock) Devil's delivery service, one order of pain and torment! 


quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
You are the devil, aren't you? People! Beware of the devil!
The devil is amongst us!

Cheers,

Sea 


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 3:00:03 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
I cant believe you have made such a personal attack on me, just because of my stance on the pricing tariff for tomatoes.


Well what do you bloody suppose we do? If we do what you say, the price of wheat sky rockets. And then the price of bread goes up. And then churches will begin to charge for commmunion. And then people will stop going to church!

I know what is going on here. This is a sinister plot by you towards an even more sinister agenda. You are trying to get people to turn to the devil. You are the devil, aren't you? People! Beware of the devil! The devil is amongst us!

Cheers,

Sea


Yes. I am indeed the Dark One.
Soon you all will learn your fate, that each of you is damned, 
The seventh seal hangs from the door, the christ flees from your land,
Sacrifice your so called lord, he soon shall fall to me,
Your souls are damned to rot in hell and slave for me eternally.

If only I could get the voice right. And get Slayer lyrics out of my head....

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 6:13:52 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		<Stepping back from the seventh seal>  Ok, nice and easy now.
 
Calandra, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you mentioned in your post.  Right down to the last little detail of attending SELF, which I hope to be at this weekend, even if only for a day trip.
 
Like you, I read the forum daily.  I like keeping up with the new topics posted, as well as the responders.  I appreciate the fact that others are willing to give a little glimpse into their life.  Often, it's very interesting to see where a thread will go, depending on the participants.  Every once in a while, I will be disappointed that a thread has taken a derogeroty tone.  Usually at that point, I leave the thread and find better musings.  When the so called train wrecks happen, sometimes, it's better to leave the scene.
 
However, this disappointment is more often the exception, rather than the norm.  I have to give kudos, not only to the CM staff, but to the regular posters here.  Many of the posts have led Me to contact people on the other side.  It's so refreshing to find others who often have the same opinions as I do on some subjects that I can't fully explain My appreciation.  It brings Me a sense of comfort, knowing that I am not the only one thinking My thoughts, feeling My same feelings.
 
There are particular people who post that I can not wait to hear what they have to say.  I feel like We have so many things in common that I am almost connected.  In truth, they are too many to mention, on both sides of the kneel.  I can not fully express My heartfelt enjoyment of reading certain posts.
 
I am hear to teach, learn, educate, and study.  These forums bring Me this, and yet so much more.  For the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am very glad the posts keep coming.  I just hope that, in My own way, I contribute.  Thank you.
 

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 8:33:17 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		Aw I wish I was able to attend SELF dang it!!!

I made a promise to Myself that I was going to see Cirque Du Soleil if they ever toured near Me again. When the tickets went on sale they were sold out almost instantly and then I got a chance to get two tickets front and center where I could almost smell their sweat.

I didn't even think to check if there was anything else happening this weekend... ~playful pout~

Oh well, there's always next year. At least this year I can be hostess to those who are travelling. Kinda feels like I'm carrying the old Southern tradition of having an open house for those travelling to the plantation up the road... Oh Ashley!!!! ~swoons~

Lady Pact... if Ya plan to pass near Athens, let's have coffee or sumpin' ~smiles~  

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 6:20:49 PM   
MistressKat52


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/6/2007
From: Mistress
Status: offline 		Thank you, very good points to ponder.

_____________________________

Live life to the fullest, you only live once!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 6:37:20 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

Aw shucks pixel... I often look forward to YOUR posts. I notice that no matter how heated you are about a topic, (I remember one about responsible public play and your stance on unmentionables recently) you never stop being a gentleman. I wish more people would gain skill in communication rather than despise those who set a good example.


Thank you for the many nice compliments Calandra.  
 
You certainly know how to make a man blush and also make his Mistress very proud!  I appreciate the many contributions that you too bring to the boards here on CM; including starting this particular thread that I hope will help people think about the nature of their posts along with how they interact with other posters here.
 
 - pixel
 
P.S. How much corn would a woodchuck shuck, if a woodchuck could shuck corn?

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A Thank You and a point to ponder... - 6/7/2007 11:05:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Calandra, I'd really like to do that sometime, if you don't mind Me going for a diet pepsi, rather than coffee.  (Nothing personal, I just don't drink the stuff.)  Going to SELF has been an on again, off again, on again idea.  Now I think it's down to a day trip, even though it's a long day trip from Augusta.  If I knew the scheduling better, I would love to drop in and say hello.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure exactly how this particular trip will plan out, so it might have to be on one of My other trips through.  Would definitely love to meet you though!

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 20
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