When Mistress X is really called Jimmy..

When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (Full Version)

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stella40 -> When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 4:35:54 PM)
There's a lot of people online who seek to protect their real identity with an 'online' identity, for different reasons. Personally I don't, but I know a lot of people do. I moderate on a Transgender chatroom, and recently was asked to moderate as a one off on a BDSM chatroom. I found it to be a very eye-opening, interesting and often amusing experience. The chatroom held anywhere up to 220 nicks, the vast majority to be men, Doms and male submissives all chatting happily and interacting with Dommes and female submissives who... predominantly were men pretending to be female. What surprised me so much was the fact that I appeared to be moderating what appeared to be an almost all male chatroom, but that so many Doms and subs claiming to be heterosexual and openly discussing what people discuss in chatrooms without even appearing to suspect that this could be the case. It takes all types I guess. I have quite a few online friends in the scene and I often wonder if the person I have contact with online is anything like his or her cyber persona in real life. And then I ask myself 'Does it really matter?' Does it really matter if you're having a really good cyber scene with an attractive woman who you might suspect is actually Arnold from Eindhoven or Norman from Pittsburgh? Does the online friendship you form with Rebecca (who is really Michael) have any less value than the online friendship you form with Cindy (who is really Cindy)?

Arpig -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 4:42:26 PM)
if the intent is simply to have a cyber relationship, then no I don't think it matters...however if the intent is to move from cyber to Real life, then yes I think it could be a sticking point[;)]

Politesub53 -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 4:57:36 PM)
Hi Stella... First a question for you if i may. How did you know most the "females" were males. Did you have proof or is this a guess. Imho if you kenw males were masqueradeing as females to chat, then you collaborated in deception. As a moderatot that was/is unacceptable, and here is why. I am Admin on a sports board, sometimes people have, or have tried to have,two user names, one to be "nice" and one not. My job, as admin or moderator is partly to prevent this kind of deception. As for people chatting to someone claiming to be one gender or the other, as long as the truth is known, i dont see the harm. There is no problem here as both parties know exactly whats going on, and not just the one. However, anyone chatting to someone for a while and claming to be something they are not, be it age, looks, wealth or gender is harmful as the other person is getting attached to something that is not. My opinion is that the value of any friendship is based primarily on trust. [;)]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 5:31:29 PM)
If we get to the point where someone would consider friendship, I'd want them to be out to me. A lot of people get shocked about my age (less and less as I get older sad to say) after talking with me for awhile. But I never hid it, it's always on the profile.

stella40 -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 5:41:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Hi Stella... First a question for you if i may. How did you know most the "females" were males. Did you have proof or is this a guess. Imho if you kenw males were masqueradeing as females to chat, then you collaborated in deception. As a moderatot that was/is unacceptable, and here is why. I am Admin on a sports board, sometimes people have, or have tried to have,two user names, one to be "nice" and one not. My job, as admin or moderator is partly to prevent this kind of deception. In response to your question it's commonly known for this to happen in this particular chatroom, sometimes it was a guess and I wasn't sure, sometimes I had proof or felt more sure. It was a one-off because I did manage to kick off quite a few nicks and as a result wasn't the most popular of moderators. I see your point but I also see a difference between a Sports board and a BDSM or Transgendered chatroom. Quite a few things I found unacceptable but quite often you have to bite your lip and hold back and let people handle it themselves. This doesn't always sit easy with me, which is why I much prefer to moderate the Transgendered chatroom which has less nicks and I can be pretty much 'zero tolerance', of which many of the regular nicks know and where if I know of such deception I can intervene and sort the problem out. quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 As for people chatting to someone claiming to be one gender or the other, as long as the truth is known, i dont see the harm. There is no problem here as both parties know exactly whats going on, and not just the one. I agree with you here. quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 However, anyone chatting to someone for a while and claming to be something they are not, be it age, looks, wealth or gender is harmful as the other person is getting attached to something that is not. My opinion is that the value of any friendship is based primarily on trust. [;)] Harmful it may be, but I find it to be inherently stupid if the person making the claims ever hopes to move on to real time. I'm not talking here about those who need to protect or conceal their identity for family or work reasons but these aren't the people usually doing the deceiving.

Rafters -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 8:08:13 PM)
ahem Have you ever considered the use of a magick spell to detect gender change, insanity, blatant lying or an interesting personality? I know there is skepticism about spells and what not, but I have something that will work. There's nothing complicated about, and it even works if you belong to a more established religion. I've typed the phrase in backwards for safety due to it's awesome power. "?eeffoc rof teem ot ekil uoy dluow iH" Try it on someone interesting you've met online. It's worked for me, and it could work for you. [sm=wave.gif]

MzMia -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 8:12:07 PM)
stella, stella, stella For me NO, I have a few here that I chat with on the other side a lot. If I found out that the women were men or the men women, it would not bother me. If I ever meet any of them RT/ and a few I will, I would prefer they tell me prior to meeting me, for goodness sakes! In fact, one lovely person I wonder about, but damn if I care. If she wants to tell me one day, or if/when I meet her, she will. In fact it might even be more fun, if she is not what I think. By the way, some of the most fun clubs I go to in D.C. are the gay clubs I was talking to a beautiful bartender once, it turned out she used to be a he. I dont give a damn, as long as they are good people. LOL hahahahahahahahaha [:D]

Joseff -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 8:57:10 PM)
You make an important point, it comes down to a matter of honesty. If someone represents themself as something they are not, it probably means little in a casual setting, but closer relationships require emotional investment, and dishonesty can be harmful. Trust is just too important, even in online relationships. Joseff

dawntreader -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 9:03:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rafters "?eeffoc rof teem ot ekil uoy dluow iH" Try it on someone interesting you've met online. It's worked for me, and it could work for you.[sm=wave.gif] ROFL!!!!!!!

MzMia -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/6/2007 9:06:28 PM)
I agree to a point Joseff. I have many here that I just share casual emails with on a friendly basis. We usually just talk about the threads, since I am not interested in them in a romantic way--I don't ask personal questions, like that. IF, we became closer friends, especially if I plan to meet them, I would ask. But, many here I will never meet and as long as they are friendly I don't care if they are a green martian and from Mars.

Politesub53 -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/7/2007 2:18:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia But, many here I will never meet and as long as they are friendly I don't care if they are a green martian and from Mars. Hi Maam, i fully agree with You, it truly doesnt matter to me what someone is or isnt. What would be a big thing for me is if someone let me start to have feelings for Her, and then turned out to be a liar, for whatever reason. i dont judge people ( as they may start to return the favour..lol ) and i dont expect people to tell me everything about them upfront. However, once feelings start getting involved i expect total honesty on both sides. stella i agree the two types of forum are completely different but my opinion is still this, using 2 users names for your own purposes is deceit, and i wont stand for that. [;)]

WhiplashSmile -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/7/2007 5:03:44 AM)
Yes, it matters to me.

ObedientYYC -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/7/2007 7:04:16 AM)
Honesty online absolutely matters to me. If someone even lies about their age its a massive turn-off.

mons -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 2:45:26 AM)
greetings i think it is wrong to trick a person! if you man say do not lead people on it is just so noy right. i know a male on here we have talk fro about a year he was not somone i would go with but he was so nice we were talking and to my suripse he told me tthat he trikc people into thinking he was woman. i flet so strong this was so wrong there are many lonley people here and on other sites who are truly looking for someone. so it is harmful to do that no matter what and a man rpetned to be a woman is so wrong i think it is the worse kind of trickery to do to a person. i see who i am and i am that person it is wrong someone will and can be hurt badly . mons

singsweetly4U -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 2:57:28 AM)
i have a friend who developed a relationship with someone on line and got badly hurt because of a lie she told. The little girl told him she was 18, when in reality she was 13, and they talked and grew and he began to fall in love with her. then she started having "computer problems". in reality, they had started corresponding by letters as well and her mom found them and was pissed, because He's 21. She got online one day and told him that her daughter had been lying to him and theat she wasn't having "computer problems" but had been grounded. He was crushed. He had fallen in love with the young woman this stupid child had created only to find out it was all a lie. some people may think "oh it's just online, it doesn't really matter," but if you really think about it, if a person is attracted to personality, with no care about looks, and falls for the person you created, it could do a great deal of harm. i've seen it happen.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 3:53:25 AM)
When Mistress X is really called Jimmy there's gonna be some Hell to pay!

ThinkingKitten -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 6:13:40 AM)
Fast reply: I think if you want to go play in chatrooms populated by entities who are not people that you know personally then you should expect and be comfortable with the sky being the limit on the amount of deception you will find there. Don't go complaining afterwards because "Madame X" turned out to be "jimmy". Its just another form of "virtual reality" where nothing (or at least very little) is really real. All I can say is you won't ever find me in one unless I happen to know the folks in RL.

Missokyst -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 9:13:10 AM)
I had an interesting experience with this when I was just starting to get online. I met a "dom" online who was from TN. He was intelligent, witty, and a writer, which is why I started to chat with him. I became very friendly with him over 2 yrs. After a year it verged on romantic, and we started to chat by phone now and then. He had a very soft, soothing voice, it was almost without gender. I was not attracted to the voice, though his mind was wicked and erotic. But perhaps because of our distance and my inability to feel submissive to a soft voice without a hard touch, we never became more than just friends. We were good friends. I told him things that I keep mostly private. He told me of things that influenced his behavior. And then he asked my advice. He had fallen in love with someone he met online. The problem was that the lady wanted to meet him.. and she thought he was a lesbian. I had met him in a chat room for dominants and submissives. He had met her in a lesbians only room. It was a normal hangout for him, he had been a regular in that room for years, pretending to be a female. He said he did it as research at first, but he felt at home there among those women. Because of his soft voice could get away with the occasional calls from other room members. But now he had fallen in love with someone who wanted to meet him. He asked me what he should do. Of course I told him he should come clean with her. My own friendship with him petered out because though I now felt sorry for him, I also felt for that woman he would hurt. It wasn't until years later I questioned if he was really a man pretending to be a female. Or if it was me he tricked into believing he was a man. I guess I will never know. I don't understand why anyone would want to decieve someone like that. But, horny knows no boundries for some. Male, female, what ever gets you wet. It is a pity that some people have to get hurt when the truth comes out. Kyst

nyrisa -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 10:56:23 AM)
I cannot tolerate liars. To me, it is not something they DO, it is something they ARE. Now, something very small, like in a profile, to list a large city nearby as your home, instead of the tiny little town you may live in, is not a problem, because it may be a safety issue, or it may just make it easier for people to recognize what part of the state you are in, etc, but confessing to someone that they may have to drive 20 miles farther to meet you than they originally expected is nowhere near having to confess to them that you are actually a different sex or sexual orientation, or 30 years older, or married, and so on. Someone who betrays your trust in the very first moments of a relationship, is not someone you can trust later on down the line, I think.

bkkropemaster -> RE: When Mistress X is really called Jimmy.. (6/9/2007 1:03:41 PM)
There are tons of fakeys, male-who-pretend-to-be-a-sub since day 1; since IRC circa 1991. It takes a big effort to learn who's real and not. The rhetorical question is why are they doing this? It's pretty much against the code of trust (added into SSC). Always felt bdsm is a place to be honest about things.

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