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If you find someone, do you still just keep on looking? - 6/8/2007 11:13:09 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I was recently being pursued by someone who caught up to me and started the talk of a potential relationship. After a few days of talking, she revealed she wasn't ready to "jump into" something immediately but wanted to take time because she was getting over the last relationship. I was in no hurry, so that sounded cool. Figured it would give time to get to know each other.

Well, it's not like we were really moving towards something (as we kind of stagnated there), but at the same time I was aware she's ACTIVELY searching for submissives, upset that she can't find what she's seeking (which is what she realizes is what I represent), but she keeps looking. I've started to move off, and she's gotten upset that I'm doing so.

Regardless of the high school drama presented, my question is about those who seek others. If you're someone seeking one person (not a poly situation which is a completely different animal, nor a multiple slave situation which is also a different creature), and you find one person who seems to be what you're seeking, do you start to work towards that one person, or do you keep casting out your net nonstop, even when you're trying to develop something with the person with whom you already found? This isn't a complaint thread, but a perspective one.

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<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

Post #: 1

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:21:31 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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i am a bit confused as to why someone would talk about a potential relationship, and then say they were not ready to jump into something. If that were the case then why not simply say " At present i am looking to make friends "
The word relationship would indicate, at least to me, that some wanted something a little more substantial.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 2

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:28:49 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

i am a bit confused as to why someone would talk about a potential relationship, and then say they were not ready to jump into something. If that were the case then why not simply say " At present i am looking to make friends "
The word relationship would indicate, at least to me, that some wanted something a little more substantial.

I apologize beforehand for what will definitely sound over-ego'd, but here it is:

People tend to contact me after they've gotten disgruntled looking for sincere submissives. It happens a lot. And then, quite often, I discover part of the problem is that they don't know what they're looking for anyway.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 3

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:32:19 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

There was a time I did seek a monogamous relationship & maintained them, so I'll take a stab at this one.

When I encountered someone with whom I felt I could develop a 1 to 1 relationship with I would first make sure they felt the same way so that I could make sure we were on the same page & then at that time.... I would make it clear not only to them but to all others that I was not open to entertaining any other offers or prospects. I would also expect them to aggree to doing the same.

Its all about the meeting of the minds. If one assumes that another will do as they do & not make sure that they are all on the same page with the goings on... then you have no one but yourself to blame for the confusion.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 4

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:33:59 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

It sounds like you want different things or on two different levels. I'm in another position, so to speak but can relate to how she feels. In fact I'm in that boat now. I am spending time with different people. I call it slave dating but its just that, 'dating" so to speak. Maybe thats where her head is at and she's just weeding through trying to find herself. If you really want to be with this woman then you need to step it up, not down and figure out how to get to the head of line rather then whimpering around or acting less committed.

You know what really impresses m and turns me on the most? Its the guy that adores me so much, madly in love but rather then get pissed because he can't control my emotions, he constantly finds ways to be an active part of my life. So many guys get hung on all kinds of bullshit rather then focus on the real goal/dream. I'll give you an example...

I get these guys that write this long ass missions about how they would be the perfect slave. So I tell them to join sex slave academy, listen to my audios, interact and develop a real sense for what I am into. I also feel that if they SOOOOOO fucking adored me then why would they have a problem supporting my work. Then I tell them to call me & spend time on the phone talking which they must pay for. So 98% of them reply back without even an investigation and tell me they are not looking for a professional relationship. BAM I'm just so over it. Why the hell should I spend my valuable time just for the weenie head to decide or flake out a week later?

So I am really impressed by the man that sees beyond the obvious and just goes for it. This lady is obviously seeking *something* she's not getting. You need to find out what that is and provide it.

Another thing... its not fair but then again in my world there are strange rules! lol

I need a slave to be totally into me 150%. If he gives up because I don't seem interested or if he doesn't PUMP UP the volume as described above, then I think he's lazy and will never be able to CLIMB THAT MOUNTIAN I keep talking about.

_____________________________

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:36:07 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

<snip>quite often, I discover part of the problem is that they don't know what they're looking for anyway.

Can you say clearly & with no uncertain terms as to what it is that you seek in another? If so then it is best that you stick to those who can offer you the same.

So here is an easy solution....

ask them to tell you about themselves & what they seek in another & what their goal is with finding a partner... if you don't get an answer or you don't get an answer that sounds very convincing, tell them to get back to you once they figure it out a bit more.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:38:55 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

<snip>quite often, I discover part of the problem is that they don't know what they're looking for anyway.

Can you say clearly & with no uncertain terms as to what it is that you seek in another? If so then it is best that you stick to those who can offer you the same.

So here is an easy solution....

ask them to tell you about themselves & what they seek in another & what their goal is with finding a partner... if you don't get an answer or you don't get an answer that sounds very convincing, tell them to get back to you once they figure it out a bit more.

Actually, that's exactly what I did. Except I didn't tell them to get back to me once they figure it out. If you're a male submissive, that ends your chances of ANY relationship completely. I know we don't want to believe that, but the odds definitely determine that.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 7

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:41:33 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

That was just a nice way to put it... ya know what I mean?

People who have a clue typically avoid those who are just stumbling through life without one.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 8

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 11:45:24 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I do not, I indicate in My profile that I am not taking petitions at this time, though some people cannot seem to read---and I have even closed profiles to prevent others from contacting Me---I was accused once of starting My search again too fast---well if you aren't in My collar and we aren't compatible---I'm not going to stay in widow's weeds---and most of the time, Im not searching, but rather chatting.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 9

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 12:07:16 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

If it were me I'd pursue the lady you felt you had a connection with and warn any other potentials that you are corresponding with another that might develope into something so any talk would only be as friends at this time? Of course you have to do this carefully and with some tact and of course you have to try and leave the door open if at all possible in case the the main lady goes cowshit on you?

Personally I can't juggle women...if I'm interested in one...that's the one that'll keep my attention. But then again....I've never had the problem of juggling women...I'm very lucky to get the attention of one if any at all....lmao!

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 10

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 12:25:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Well, I am something of a 'different animal', but I hope you won't mind Me taking a stab at it anyway.

Actually, no. If I feel I have found what I am looking for in a boy, I don't continue seeking. In My experience, I have only ever really needed one submissive at a time. My search criteria is rather stringent, so if someone can make it past all of that, I have no need to keep casting the net. I'm usually quite pleased with My catch and have no need for more.

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 11

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 12:39:43 PM

ObedientYYC

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

...
I get these guys that write this long ass missions about how they would be the perfect slave. So I tell them to join sex slave academy, listen to my audios, interact and develop a real sense for what I am into. I also feel that if they SOOOOOO fucking adored me then why would they have a problem supporting my work. Then I tell them to call me & spend time on the phone talking which they must pay for. So 98% of them reply back without even an investigation and tell me they are not looking for a professional relationship. BAM I'm just so over it. Why the hell should I spend my valuable time just for the weenie head to decide or flake out a week later?
...

"If you give me money I will pay attention to you". Could there possibly be a bigger red-flag conflict of interest? Count me among the 98% lol

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 12

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 12:45:37 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

<snip>quite often, I discover part of the problem is that they don't know what they're looking for anyway.

Can you say clearly & with no uncertain terms as to what it is that you seek in another? If so then it is best that you stick to those who can offer you the same.

So here is an easy solution....

ask them to tell you about themselves & what they seek in another & what their goal is with finding a partner... if you don't get an answer or you don't get an answer that sounds very convincing, tell them to get back to you once they figure it out a bit more.

Actually, that's exactly what I did. Except I didn't tell them to get back to me once they figure it out. If you're a male submissive, that ends your chances of ANY relationship completely. I know we don't want to believe that, but the odds definitely determine that.

This is where I have to disagree with you littlesarbonn! You need to decide that you have something to offer this woman or another and bring your self-esteem up to a level such that you feel worthy of any Domme that interests you. If not, you'll always be waiting in some kind of purgatory for a woman to make a move that will likely never come. Instead, some other sub that has the self-confidence to believe in himself and what he has to offer, will have beaten you to the "golden egg" so to speak while you stood by and watched.

There's no need to forever stand waiting in the wings, providing support for a wounded Domme that will never be there for you. Instead, I suggest you decide what it is that you really want and go after it. If she's not at that point, then it's time to move on and search further for another that may have the qualities that resonate within you. Whether vanilla or D/s dating, there's absolutely no need to let another string you on until they find someone else.

There's also no reason that you can't correspond with several that might interest you (as difficult as that can be at times

) until you find one in particular that you feel is the one that you'd like to focus your energies on. Call it a game if you wish, but it's really just being practical and fair (both to yourself and them). Until another is willing to make the same commitment to you as you're willing to make to them, then I suggest you continue your search. I can only say that I speak from experience and am very pleased with how it has worked out for me.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 13

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 1:39:23 PM

ohiomalestraponl

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline

myself i would keep looking till i no this person is the right one worse case i tell the others i found the right one and thats it or it doesn't work out and i can try the others.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 14

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 1:59:15 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Short answer: No. I work on that one relationship.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

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RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 2:38:28 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

I have still chatted at times as i was getting to know someone, but if after a week or two i feel it is worth pursuing i generally tell anyone else that i am focusing on that one person. I have had subs wait, with just a polite message every few days to see how things go (hoping it won't work out i guess), and having someone else there makes the sting of a poof feel a little better in some ways i guess.

I'm struggling hard now not to feel jaded about anyone (or perhaps just my own judgement). I think perhaps the real person you should be asking this is her. and perhaps yourself. If you think she might be worth the wait, then give her a little time and keep working on the friendship aspects of your relationship. If she is still looking or you just feel she will not be ready anytime soon, tell her you want to maintain your friendship but keep looking. If she can't give you what you need but still expects you to sit around and wait for her then my thought is you can do better.

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 4:35:09 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

There has to be a relationship to work on. If I'm just talking to someone there really isn't a relationship yet.

I think if our conversation has gotten to the point that we are discussing training seriously and they've jumped through my hoops, then I need to focus on that person in terms of talking about training. Then I train one person at a time for at least the first 80% of training. I would only take on someone IF it were feasible for everyone involved. In general I think it's a bad idea for me to be training more than one person at a time.

I may be poly but I very slowly and purposely build each new relationship and see to it that all the relationships in the family have test out time.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 17

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 5:02:43 PM

planomaid

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

Not at all. If I find someone that I am interested in pursuing a relationship, then I do not try the 'shotgun' approach and continue looking for something 'better', nor would I do it to hedge my relationship bet just in case it didn't work out.

For the most part I do this because of me, not because I feel as a submissive I should not partake in that sort of behavior. Trying to start a serious relationship is hard work, and if you can't commit yourself at the beginning to give it a chance, and to learn about the other person, then I don't feel that I am giving things a fair chance.

Of course, it doesn't mean I stop communicating with my friends. That's taking it a bit to the extreme. Friends and family are important to me, and I don't think it would be fair to them to give them a cold shoulder while I concentrate on the potential of the new relationship. Like everything else in life, you have to strike a balance that works for you - not because of expectations from others - just what works for you.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 18

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 9:27:13 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

For Me, it evidently depends entirely upon the sub's level of interest and commitment.

My sub in training has put himself SO far out on the line for Me in the six short months we've been seeing each other that it would be VERY inappropriate for Me to continue searching while he's making such tremendous effort.

Out of respect for his efforts, his time, and the many resources he immediately put at My complete disposal, (and I'm talking from jumpstreet here), I stopped searching less than four weeks after we started talking to each other.

I am certain that my complete lack of interest in anyone else will remain commensurate with his continued dedication to My happiness. Only time will tell whether the hope of sustaining such singular devotion is possible in the long run.

For now, since 'manthing' is going so far beyond the call of duty to meet My every physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological need, I simply don't want to waste time with anyone else.

Someone I know once referred to that phenomenon as 'Magic' ..... I guess 'magic' is something that either 'happens' or doesn't happen.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 19

RE: If you find someone, do you still just keep on look... - 6/8/2007 9:35:56 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

i am a bit confused as to why someone would talk about a potential relationship, and then say they were not ready to jump into something. If that were the case then why not simply say " At present i am looking to make friends "
The word relationship would indicate, at least to me, that some wanted something a little more substantial.

I apologize beforehand for what will definitely sound over-ego'd, but here it is:

People tend to contact me after they've gotten disgruntled looking for sincere submissives. It happens a lot. And then, quite often, I discover part of the problem is that they don't know what they're looking for anyway.

well if you want MY opinion, littlesarbonn, ( I know, I know, nothing here indicated that you do), you probably have MOST potential Dommes outclassed. Once they realize it they try to make a gracious, or perhaps not so gracious, exit.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 20

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