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Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/29/2005 2:57:17 AM   
Cosmclord


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/23/2005
Status: offline 		Being new here I was not aware of the problem with some of the socalled Doms. Seems many of the subs/slaves are being subjected to male Doms that have no real interest in the Life Style. Reading through their journal enteries I see numerous referances to Doms that are rude, have no idea of what a real Dom is and victimize many of the newer less experienced sub/slaves. Seem their goal is sex and nothing else.

I am not sure what can be done about this. I would advise any new females to ask alot of questions before engaging in any comittments or accepting any collars. Would a NON Dom know what a collar is.

This is not a good situation and poser, phonies, and users just make the Life Style more difficult to the newer people. I will endevor to do all I can to make the newer subs/slave more aware of these people. I am a R/L Dom and have been for 10 years. I train my subs/slaves and care for them deeply. I build trust and respect and that goes both ways.
I know On-line is subject to these types who care nothing or little for the Life Style. Hopefully we real Dom can aid those already hurt and wounded.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/29/2005 8:11:20 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		There are schmucks everywhere. Here, in other forums, in real life, on your street, etc.

You give good general tips on how to protect yourself against phoneys. We all need to keep our guard up somewhat. I'm not sure really why you are simply addressing female subs. Do they somehow seem more vulnerable to you? Not most female subs I that I know. They'd put these "posers, phonies, and users" in their place!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Cosmclord)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/29/2005 9:58:11 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cosmclord

I am not sure what can be done about this. I would advise any new females to ask alot of questions before engaging in any comittments or accepting any collars. Would a NON Dom know what a collar is.



Would an owner? How 'bout a master? A dominant person?

I understand what you're saying, but I think it's ill-targeted. My owner would have no idea what a collar is to you. To him, it's one of my fetishes that he lets me have because I enjoy it so much. Our commitment doesn't come from the collar and if you'd ask him if I were "collared" he'd probably give you a blank look.

Doesn't make him a "phoney"

Still, I think you're coming from the right place--ask questions and communicate. Know who you're entereing a realtionship with.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Cosmclord)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/29/2005 10:21:26 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		I will echo LadyAngelika's sentiments and expound. Not only do female subs need to be careful, but so do male subs, female dommes, and male doms. There are users on all sides, and, due to more discussion, some do have enough topical knowledge about terms (such as collaring) to fake their way through to a certain extent, and seem much more experienced and knowledgeable than they actually are, in order to achieve their individual goals concerning play....

< Message edited by kc692 -- 5/29/2005 10:22:26 AM >

(in reply to Cosmclord)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/29/2005 2:23:54 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I am not sure what can be done about this. I would advise any new females to ask alot of questions before engaging in any comittments or accepting any collars.

Without being specific about what kind of questions to ask this comes across as apparently well-meaning but hollow advice. For example, if a sub asks about a dom's experience and his attitude toward relationships the answer could be something like this:

quote:

I am a R/L Dom and have been for 10 years. I train my subs/slaves and care for them deeply. I build trust and respect and that goes both ways.

This could be true and it could be complete bs, but it is easy enough for anyone to say and sound "authentic". So it comes across as a bald-faced attempt to gain credibility and is at best meaningless beyond that.

However, it may be just my cynical nature, but I start getting getting suspicious when someone tries too hard to to sound so wonderful, and I get even more suspicious when it includes mocking the posers and wannabees in an effort to sound "real". So my advice to the novices would be to find someone you get along with, and beware if they try to impress you with their bdsm resume if you don't even ask about it.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Cosmclord)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/29/2005 7:37:58 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So my advice to the novices would be to find someone you get along with, and beware if they try to impress you with their bdsm resume if you don't even ask about it.


Oh now you are the one sounding too knowledgeable HP! Maybe you're the big faker!!
*licks HP on the cheek and scooots before he smacks her*

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/30/2005 6:54:16 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		This is a good topic and one of interest, but also one which is difficult to advise on, as the points already presented are all great examples. I would only add that any Dom/sub, should first off, know what they are looking for? Ask a lot of questions and build up a good channel of communication and when satisfied to that point, meet. From the meeting, if the interest is there and you want to continue forward, thus begins the trust.
We have all made mistakes along the way, but that is the journey.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/30/2005 8:30:58 AM   
MsSilvie


Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		You'll find manipulative, predatory and clueless folks everywhere in life. The secret as far as I'm concerned is not to believe you can create a venue that is free from those people. You can't. The trick is to learn to screen them out yourself. It's not that hard to do. Look at claims with a skeptical eye. Don't feel like anyone is a "once in a lifetime not to be repeated opportunity YOU MUST ACT NOW!" sort of person.

Don't act desperate.

Just for an example from my life. Number of years I have been involved actively in bdsm: about 2. Number of people I have arranged to meet from the internet to see if we may be compatible for activity: Probably somewhere around 20. Number of times I've been stood up: 0. Of the people I have met, compatible or not, the number I think are posers, phonies or users: 0.

Why can I say this about myself when every third profile contains a rail about how the author has been mislead, stood up and generally victimized by all the useless wannabes? I screen those folks out ruthlessly. Be prepared to do a lot of weeding if you want to grow some flowers.


_____________________________

Strange thoughts beget strange deeds.

- Percy Bysshe Shelley

(in reply to Cosmclord)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/30/2005 6:14:28 PM   
SenorX


Posts: 142
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie

You'll find manipulative, predatory and clueless folks everywhere in life. The secret as far as I'm concerned is not to believe you can create a venue that is free from those people. You can't. The trick is to learn to screen them out yourself. It's not that hard to do. Look at claims with a skeptical eye. Don't feel like anyone is a "once in a lifetime not to be repeated opportunity YOU MUST ACT NOW!" sort of person.


Exactly. It doesn't matter where or how you look, you can find assholes right next door to you, and that is just something that is called "life".

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I will echo LadyAngelika's sentiments and expound. Not only do female subs need to be careful, but so do male subs, female dommes, and male doms. There are users on all sides, and, due to more discussion, some do have enough topical knowledge about terms (such as collaring) to fake their way through to a certain extent, and seem much more experienced and knowledgeable than they actually are, in order to achieve their individual goals concerning play....


Definitely, it is not just something about subs having to be careful. It is not just about females having to be careful.

Just use some basic common sense. I know that may be something of the past, but it still works... just like being able to count change backwards when you buy something. Wanna freak someone totally out? Go to the check-out at anystore, USA and pay with a $20 for an item that costs $6.34 or something. Then after the clerk has entered the amount tendered to him/her, and it says how much change to give back to you, give them the 4¢, or better still, give them 9¢ and watch them ponder and freak out since they cannot have the computer tell them what to do.

X

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/30/2005 7:45:36 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SenorX

Definitely, it is not just something about subs having to be careful. It is not just about females having to be careful.

Just use some basic common sense. I know that may be something of the past, but it still works... just like being able to count change backwards when you buy something. Wanna freak someone totally out? Go to the check-out at anystore, USA and pay with a $20 for an item that costs $6.34 or something. Then after the clerk has entered the amount tendered to him/her, and it says how much change to give back to you, give them the 4¢, or better still, give them 9¢ and watch them ponder and freak out since they cannot have the computer tell them what to do.

X

Try 21$ for 10.46, or ten anything.....Unfortunately I have seen this happen alot, because I am digging for change while they enter the bills they have, so I may have the right change, or as you suggest, close to it, not for meanness, just because I have a lot I have to sort through to get to the change. X, the look on their face is like Mastercard.....priceless!!!!!!lol

< Message edited by kc692 -- 5/30/2005 7:47:13 PM >

(in reply to SenorX)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/31/2005 8:37:07 AM   
Kiaban


Posts: 124
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

There are schmucks everywhere. Here, in other forums, in real life, on your street, etc.

You give good general tips on how to protect yourself against phoneys. We all need to keep our guard up somewhat. I'm not sure really why you are simply addressing female subs. Do they somehow seem more vulnerable to you? Not most female subs I that I know. They'd put these "posers, phonies, and users" in their place!

- LA

"They'd put these "posers, phonies, and users" in their place!"
Well said!
Adding: This is not only "on-line" never met a user or lier RT?
I think this is also the White Knight complex coming to the aid of "girl destroyed" when she found out her 29 year old , tall dark hansome type was actually 52 and living with his mom in a trailer park.
And yea it cuts both ways, but there are plenty of "real" people out there on all sides of the spectrum.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/31/2005 9:27:00 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Whatever would we do without our knights to protect and guide us?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Posers, Phonies, and Users - 5/31/2005 11:40:45 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SenorX


Just use some basic common sense. I know that may be something of the past, but it still works... just like being able to count change backwards when you buy something. Wanna freak someone totally out? Go to the check-out at anystore, USA and pay with a $20 for an item that costs $6.34 or something. Then after the clerk has entered the amount tendered to him/her, and it says how much change to give back to you, give them the 4¢, or better still, give them 9¢ and watch them ponder and freak out since they cannot have the computer tell them what to do.



heh, when I first started working in retail, I made sure I knew how to make change without a computer. Sometimes, though, it's the end of a long day and we get confused.

:) I promise, some of the people who can't make change for you really CAN they're just tired.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to SenorX)
Profile   Post #: 13
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