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octavia -> Complete and total rant (6/9/2007 8:48:48 AM)
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Son of a bitch!
My x husband was just here, grinning all over the place. Of course we all know what that means, the lucky bastard got laid last night. We have been seperated about a year now i woud say and I am actually happy for him.
He is vanilla and our entire marriage has been sexually disfunctional. I just couldn't respond to him sexually, I would try... I would fake. I was very aware of his ego, but you know i just couldn't keep it up. Well.. he couldn't keep it up, that was a part of the problem but i digress.
From our discussion, things went really well, he got an amazing ego boost in how much she responded to him. One part of me is validated. I mean I suspected that our whole fooking trouble was compatibility and if we could both find suitable partners we would be fine. Well, on his end that has now been proven at least priliminarily true. He really is a good person, I do love him, and i am happy for him. He deserves to be with a woman who he can satisfy and who satisfies him.
Now for the bitchy,ranty, whiny part. Damn it!!!!!!!!!! Im the one that has shoulder the entire responsibility for all this ending. Hell, I've shouldered all the responsibility period!!! This was the FIRST girl he has dated, I've been on prolly fifty first dates...( they are not all turning m down [;)] Im just damn picky after that mess of a marriage, and wasted about 6 months dating vanilla still before i figured i t out. ITS NOT FAIR. I want to be able to finally.. after 13 fooking years feel turned on by the touch of a lover. I just want to pull my hair out.
Goddamnsonofabitchfookinshit!
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