stella40
Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
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I'd say it's purely individual, down to the person concerned.
Here you're dealing with two issues which are neither clear cut nor all that straightforward - gender and sexual orientation.
Sexual orientation in my view is largely down to preference and habit. I think many of us at some time, most likely earlier in our lives when forming deep interpersonal relationships with others have questioned both our preferences and habits, some have even gone further and experimented. There are some who have not. There are others who have no preference, or for whom preference isn't so important - they connect with the person, irrespective of gender and/or genitalia. There are also those who have had a series of unsuccessful relationships with one particular gender, usually the opposite gender who I personally regard as 'cross-overs' and they change their sexual orientation and often form successful relationships with someone of the same sex.
And then you have gender, which isn't always as clear-cut as we would all like to believe. We are conditioned from early infancy to categorize people into one of two genders - male and female. But what is male? And what is female? I could start a new thread asking this question and no doubt there would be many different responses but all would still fall within the bounds of what is socially accepted as male and female.
Many would define gender on physical characteristics, genitalia, or the role each gender plays in society, and none of these would be wrong as definitions, or would they? Man is the last surviving species of insect-eating, omnivorous ape, one of the most sexual animals in the animal kingdom, the male of the species has the largest penis of any animal, and we have evolved in various habitats and climates, evolving with wolves at one point, and with our evolution our genes have permutated and diversified so that certain members cannot fulfil their biological, reproductive role and thus this helps to prevent Man from overpopulating the planet and ultimately dying out.
The transsexual is but one of these permutations, a genetic fault where the soul, mind and heart is female but the body is predominantly male, and gender dysphoria is nothing other than alarm bells ringing, telling the brain that there's a conflict between mind, soul and body which affects how others perceive or treat this person. But the transsexual is not alone, there is also the intersexed male or female, the hermaphrodite, women with Turner's Syndrome, men with Klinefelter's Syndrome, and so on.
Even among those we all perceive to be normal healthy men and women there are slight imperfections. There are women with facial and body hair, deeper voices which resonate lower than the generally accepted female pitch of 140-160Hz, underdeveloped breasts, and men with softer skin, a few with voices which resonate higher than the generally accepted male pitch of 90-120Hz, small testes, and so on.
However it is these imperfections which are all taken into consideration when we consider someone for a relationship which involves intimacy. Either consciously or subconsciously we are still choosing a mate, someone who can relate to us and who we can relate to, someone who we find attractive and in the case of heterosexuals we hope to find or attract an attractive member of the gene pool.
While most people are able to understand, accept and even empathise with the transsexual on a very impersonal level this understanding and acceptance wanes the more involved and intimate our anticipated interaction with this person becomes, so that irrespective of the preferences and sexual orientation of the person, there are very few non-transsexual people among us who are prepared to develop any sort of relationship with a transsexual - and this goes for employment, friendships and more intimate relationships.
However there are people who do. There are even those who prefer the transsexual partner or submissive or Dominant. Why? I can't explain. You'd have to ask them.
And while the physical appearance of a MtoF transsexual is extremely important and often crucial when it comes to gaining acceptance from others it isn't necessarily the most important factor - but the way a transsexual perceives themself and others, their attitude, and how they come across and project themselves to others which I feel is the single most influential factor in gaining acceptance. You might as a transsexual be 5ft 4ins tall, slim, petite and photoimage perfect as a woman, but being ultra-convincing isn't always the key to being accepted. People aren't stupid, and if you don't project yourself right, you lack confidence, you feel uncomfortable about yourself or you are unnatural people will immediately pick up on that and it will be as clear and visible as having neon lights above your head. Nobody wants to be deceived, I find that trying to fool others into thinking you're a real woman hardly ever works, it makes them suspicious, puts their back up and even worse, can arouse their fears and prejudices.
I write from experience. I'm tall, large, not the most feminine or convincing of transsexuals, nor the most attractive, I am a pre-op TS female, I identify myself as a lesbian, I am female and I qualify my being female by adding TS wherever I feel it is likely to become an issue - I'm not out to change society, to educate people, or to live up to the popular or media generated stereotypes of what is female- I am myself, nothing more, nothing less. I've served lesbian Dommes, and don't seem to have a major problem getting into a relationship with a woman. None of them have had any issues as to who I am or to what gender I am.
Sure I've been rejected, turned down, and I've attracted quite a few people for the wrong reasons. I don't have an issue with people not accepting me, I can understand that many people find it hard to relate to a transsexual for whatever reason, or that it just doesn't 'float their boat'. But then again, when you stop and think about it, am I really that different from anyone else?
_____________________________
I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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