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betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:09:33 PM

mygoldilocks

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

I just received a shocking email from the full-time, long-term "vanilla" girlfriend of a dominant I met on Collarme. She forwarded all of the emails I'd ever sent to him along with a multitude of others from over a dozen other women, who, like me, believed we were his only One. She warned all of us that he may have sexually transmitted diseases and urged us to see our doctors. I'm still reeling from the revelation that he is using dozens women around the world and lying to each of us, and using Collarme.com to rope new ones in. I will never see him again, but I wonder what others think about the situation and whether or not the dom should be outed. Apparently, he is a serial user who does not use safe sex practices with all of his "subs". Thank you in advance for any wisdom shared.

Post #: 1

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:13:35 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Is there any way that his girlfriend orchestrated all of this and made up the emails? You know, jealous vanilla girlfriend who won't submit...

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 2

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:16:30 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I just looked at your profile because I was wondering if you might be from my area. We have a "Dominant" here who is known for such a thing. I couldn't help but notice the first lines of your profile. "Looking for a confident and clever Dominant". I would say that the man you are referring to must be pretty confident in himself and quite clever to fool so many. It made me think of that line "be careful what you wish for". I know that he is NOT what you intended when you wrote that but I couldn't help but notice.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/10/2007 2:17:36 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 3

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:19:29 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Take an honest look back and see if there were red flags there within the relationship that you chose not to see while involved. If there were, learn from them.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 6/10/2007 3:03:53 PM >

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 4

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:21:21 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

If he knows he has these diseases and is passing them on knowingly, could there not be a case for assault charges?

We had a case in the UK a year or so ago of a woman sent to prison for attempted murder, after she knowingly passed on the HIV virus. Mind you I think the case hinged on her having done so deliberately as a form of vengeance on the world or some such, which was established by way of her own correspondence and diary.

E

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:23:51 PM

mygoldilocks

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for the reply. Yes, of course I first considered whether the info was from a woman scorned, etc. But she included reams of material from me and dozens of other women in her notes to me that only "he" would have received and she did not seem vindictive, but rather resigned to having to leave him. I feel for her, and the multitude who were deceived by him. He is a famous person who must believe he is entitled to mass deception. The woman invested so much of her time to making his life seem "vanilla" which apparently allowed him the time and space to chase subs. Ugh. Anyway, this woman was very balanced in her notes to me and the other women and I appreciate her candor in the face of such betrayal. Thanks for the feedback.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:24:08 PM

Tuomas

Posts: 242
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline

I think that at the very least it should be known who he is, so other people don't go through the same thing.

In a way, it like rape, particularly in the part where the victim cycle perpetuates because none of them are willing to stand up and let the world know what kind of person he is...

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Is there any way that his girlfriend orchestrated all of this and made up the emails? You know, jealous vanilla girlfriend who won't submit...

That's easy to check with the CC's that should be included in the mail...

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:33:47 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

If he is knowingly passing STD, I believe this is a crime. You may need to consult with the laws in area regarding this. I know some places treat this very seriously and his ass can be busted or charged, even more so If it's HIV or life threatening to another person. This is no laughing matter.

It's difficult to tell if this long time vanilla girl friend is being honest or not, perhaps she is trying to out the competition, perhaps not. If I was you, I'd get checked out for STD's, confront this Dom in questions, perhaps even confront this girl friend of his. Some is playing games and this is not a laughing matter.

Just get yourself checked out for STD's cover your own ass. If he knowingly infected you, you can simply press charges against him. That should slow his ass down. Then get on with your life as best you can.

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 8

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:40:19 PM

mygoldilocks

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

I did check very carefully the forwarded emails the vanilla lady sent me. They included all of the one's I'd sent "him" along with a hefty collection from other women. He used the same lines on all of us. She also divulged super secrets about "him" that did not jive with the stories he told me about his age, relationship status, etc. This has been a steep learning curve for me and I appreciate all of the community response I've received thus far, both on the site and in private.

(in reply to Tuomas)

Post #: 9

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:46:29 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Sorry you were hoodwinked, goldilocks

But "outting" him isn't going to change his behavior. At best, for a few days or weeks ( as long as this thread stays on page 1) he might not have any luck with the handful of subs who actually bother to read the forums, and then find THIS thread (or whatever thread you actually name Do-MeDom in...).

At worst, he changes his nick, creates a new profile, and tomorrow it's business as usual.

I've said it over and over again, and I'll probably say it a million fragging times:
TRUST NO ONE ON THE INTERNET. Period. The End. Buh-Bye. Not even ME. At least until you can verify a good bit of real-life information. Even then, exercise some caution and care before handing your heart (or anything else of value) over to someone you've met off the net.

On the internet anyone can pretend to be anything, someone else, another gender, another age... ANYTHING. Even though my profile says I'm an old, fat, balding, ugly, tattooed, pierced, evil, sadistic male bastard (who's hung like a stud fieldmouse and has a re-plumbed ticker), I could very well be a cute as a button 20 year old blonde, busty college lesbian co-ed trying to pick up chicks... Photos can be up OR downloaded. They can be photo-shopped... Words can be tailored to fit the needs or desires of the target (ever watched John Edwards in action? The man is a master at drawing info out of a target...). The internet is role-playing con artists heaven.

It's a sad thing, and I'm sorry you feel you've been burned. Having your trust used and abused like that is a harsh lesson. Learn the lesson, then let him go. The internet is a tool, use it, but use it carefully. And grow stronger and wiser.

Best wishes,
- Geoff

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 10

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 2:52:13 PM

mygoldilocks

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Thank you EvilGeoff for taking time to write. I'm okay, been checked and am healthy. And I only saw him twice, so I had no LTR to survive. No worries about me.

But this guy is on our site and he's busy trolling. And that's what bothers me. He's well-connected, monied and a player. And unsafe.

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 11

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 3:08:51 PM

Tuomas

Posts: 242
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mygoldilocks

I did check very carefully the forwarded emails the vanilla lady sent me. They included all of the one's I'd sent "him" along with a hefty collection from other women. He used the same lines on all of us. She also divulged super secrets about "him" that did not jive with the stories he told me about his age, relationship status, etc. This has been a steep learning curve for me and I appreciate all of the community response I've received thus far, both on the site and in private.

"him"?

It's a good thing you are mentioning this here, and hopefully a lot more people take your experiences and apply Geoff's advice.

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 12

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 3:32:30 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

You may be free and clear for now, goldilocks but given that some STDs can take time to develop, I would advise you continue having yourself checked occasionally.

I have also read of cases like this being brought to court with assault charges brought against the gentleman/lady in question as the possible assault suspect. I would consider speaking to his girlfriend (or ex) and see whether or not he himself has tested A.O.K., if she knows.

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 13

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:16:37 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mygoldilocks

I just received a shocking email from the full-time, long-term "vanilla" girlfriend of a dominant I met on Collarme. She forwarded all of the emails I'd ever sent to him along with a multitude of others from over a dozen other women, who, like me, believed we were his only One. She warned all of us that he may have sexually transmitted diseases and urged us to see our doctors. I'm still reeling from the revelation that he is using dozens women around the world and lying to each of us, and using Collarme.com to rope new ones in. I will never see him again, but I wonder what others think about the situation and whether or not the dom should be outed. Apparently, he is a serial user who does not use safe sex practices with all of his "subs". Thank you in advance for any wisdom shared.

Chances are he's a 68 year old dude living in a single wide somewhere in New Mexico, started feeling the heat from one of his many (if not many of his many) and HE was the "girlfriend" that outed him.

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 14

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:30:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

This is pretty much exactly why we/most people don't put much stock into relationships that are mainly internet based. Happens all the time.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 15

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:32:29 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

personally, i would have to file this under "shit happens" and just let it go......

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:40:52 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

He is most likely a serial user, and you have my sympathy for the betrayal you feel, but how sure are you of the accusations of communicable disease? Not that I doubt you, but the "Vanilla girlfriend" has plenty of motive to lie. For this reason alone I'd be hesitant to out him, at least untill I was sure.
Joseff

(in reply to mygoldilocks)

Post #: 17

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:45:04 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

I would like to point out that it is against TOS to out a user, and supposedly we are all adults. That means that unfortunately, we must make our own mistakes. I wish you luck when you try again.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 18

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:45:26 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

OK, having read further posts, I see that you're pretty sure of the facts. I think that in the interests of protecting other potential victims, you should out him. Clearly, I don't take well to dishonesty.
Joseff

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 19

RE: betrayal - 6/10/2007 4:46:15 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

POINTS OUT FRIGGIN TOS AGAIN!!!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 20

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