RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire

RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/11/2007 2:54:39 PM)
As Mistress Dolly has already said, you can ask but do not expect that you will get what you ask for. Demands, on the other hand, will only get you a speedy exit from my domain.

Lashra -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/11/2007 6:54:48 PM)
As far as I am concerned a sub can ask, but never demand unless it is something vital to their safety or well being. When a sub starts demanding that indicates to me that he believes that he is the dominant one and in my relationship there just is no room for two people in charge. We may tangle but I will always win. ~Lashra

AquaticSub -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/11/2007 7:04:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: analneeds In this lifestyle we have roles, and we recieve satifaction from playing within thoses roles. My question is what if you desire something is is wrong to demand it or is that too selfish? I wouldn't suggest demanding anything. If you want something so badly that you would demand it of your dominant, that's something that you should have cleared before accepting them as your owner (assuming you knew about this beforehand). However, you can ask for it and I suggest asking that it be used as a reward for good behavior. I find that works very well for Valyraen and me.

SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/11/2007 7:08:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold Demand? Yes... Make desires known? No. But then I am of the camp that we are not role playing, we are living our natural roles. Could not have said it better myself.

RealDom69 -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/11/2007 8:02:19 PM)
.[/quote] The short answer is yes. [/quote] I agree .. YES .. we are playing in the same yard, we just have different roles within it, the Dom is NOT superior and sometimes needs to be told so. when I was a newby my sub demanded more play as I was being a little lax in that department, my subby expected a 24/7 Ds relationship and I wasn't fulfilling her desires and so she told me to front up or ship out.... we're still together. :)) Johnny Reble

RealDom69 -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/11/2007 8:05:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHeart Any sub who starts being demanding get short shift from me. But a sub recently sent me a lovely story, a fantasy he had written about a scene that really turned him on. Is he likely to get his heart's desire? Oh yes! It's not what's asked, it's HOW it's asked. Use your imagination, and remove the word "demand" from your vocabulary, lol :)) LH Hmmm.... different whe the boot is on the other foot....LOL.. xoxox :)) Johnny Reble

maledave7 -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/12/2007 4:12:30 AM)
As a sub, I feel you do not have a right to demand. I do think that good communications is important in a relationship. You need to talk with your Domme before hand to what you would like to receive from the relationship. You do have a right to the basic needs of life like food, shelter and medical needs. A sub should fulfill his Domme’s wishes and desires. I do feel that she would enjoy doing things for him also.

LadyPact -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/12/2007 6:40:28 PM)
(Using fast reply.) Specifically because of the title of your post, I would have to say yes. The word that makes Me respond with this answer is *desire.* A desire is a want, not a need. Now, had you titled your post, "Does a submissive have a right to demand a *need*," My answer would have been much different. All human beings, submissives included, have needs. They need food, they need protection from the elements, etc., etc. All human beings also have wants. They may want a new car, bigger house, certain kind of play, etc., but there won't be any harm if they don't receive those things. Had you entitled your post, "Does a submissive have an opportunity to ask that a request be granted," again, you would have received a different response. Sometimes, a specific request may be granted as a reward, but it would be after I had considered the request and made My decision on fulfilling it.

addicted2it -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/12/2007 6:59:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact (Using fast reply.) Specifically because of the title of your post, I would have to say yes. The word that makes Me respond with this answer is *desire.* A desire is a want, not a need. Now, had you titled your post, "Does a submissive have a right to demand a *need*," My answer would have been much different. All human beings, submissives included, have needs. They need food, they need protection from the elements, etc., etc. All human beings also have wants. They may want a new car, bigger house, certain kind of play, etc., but there won't be any harm if they don't receive those things. Had you entitled your post, "Does a submissive have an opportunity to ask that a request be granted," again, you would have received a different response. Sometimes, a specific request may be granted as a reward, but it would be after I had considered the request and made My decision on fulfilling it. No one has the power to demand anything from you unless they are holding a gun to your head.

LadyPact -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/12/2007 7:26:46 PM)
I disagree. A sub does have the right to demand certain things: I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected. I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties. I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant. There are other things, depending on the submissive in question. Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves.

RealDom69 -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/12/2007 10:10:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I disagree. A sub does have the right to demand certain things: I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected. I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties. I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant. There are other things, depending on the submissive in question. Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves. I also think that a sub or slave has the right to demand that their Dom uses a condom .. on toys too... anyone who is too pretentious to allow this is not a Dom .. just my opinion. :)) Johnny Reble

addicted2it -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 5:49:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I disagree. A sub does have the right to demand certain things: I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected. I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties. I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant. There are other things, depending on the submissive in question. Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves. I detest the word "demand." and yes, I do know the difference between a submissive and a slave!

MissHarlet -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 6:39:35 AM)
I never honor demands...but am always open to a submissive or a slave to respectfully express a desire or what they may consider a need. I will listen and decide when and IF that request is granted....but the submissive knows they have been heard. I am in agreement that if you Know you need something before starting a relationship that should be discussed. However, I also no some desires arise after a relationship has begun .. so communicate them respectfully NEVER DEMAND. I also am in agreement that a submissive has the right to respectfully remind the Dominant that their agreement was for more play or fulltimeDS ... but in a respectful way .. maybe" I miss the amount of play we agreed to in the beginning and feel a hole in my being when it is not there." Just what would make me take stock of myself.

loverly -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 7:11:29 AM)
just my opinion on this but...one would think that prior to getting involved with someone a person would make sure that in getting to know One they have the same goals and desires and thougths so things are compatiable.. demanding is not something a submissive/salve does however in the begining we should all be able to share what our needs and desires and goals are and if alike THEN move forward.. perhaps this is why there are so many relationships that do not work out.. and why so many collars go on and come off.. too anxious and rushing into things! and then finding out that the person is not compatiable.. one needs to relax and get to know ppl first i believe.... if Your Dominant doesnt wish to listen to You and you NEED Him/Her to ,then there is something wrong there.. orrrr.. you were qrong about what the dynamics are in the relationship in the first place. Everyone has needs and the right to happiness.. i mean.. IF we are not happy with our lives in this wonderful lifestyle.. then we are doing something terriably wrong ..sometimes i wonder if ppl do not understand what COMPLETE and TOTAL honesty and communication mean! i have heard so often a submissive say .. well i cant tell HIM /HER THAT! or where a person thinks if it is not said that it is ok ..( as in .. "what the person doesnt know wont hurt them) ...well that is just wrong in a lifestyle where this is key to success and safety ! Total honesty and communication isnt always easy or pretty it just is and we ALL need to be open to it no matter what it is about! just my thoughts! loverly

LadyPact -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 3:30:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RealDom69 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I disagree. A sub does have the right to demand certain things: I believe a submissive has the right to demand that their limits be respected. I believe a submissive has the right to demand trust exist between the parties. I believe a submissive has the right to demand a worthy Dominant. There are other things, depending on the submissive in question. Remember, we're talking about submissives here, not slaves. I also think that a sub or slave has the right to demand that their Dom uses a condom .. on toys too... anyone who is too pretentious to allow this is not a Dom .. just my opinion. :)) Johnny Reble That is another excellent example. It was the type of lines I was thinking of. I'm glad you could articulate the idea of common themes I was going on.

Politesub53 -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 4:22:49 PM)
Surely even a slave can make demands, as listed above, and expect them to be kept while the relationship lasts. True slavery is illegal so even bdsm slavery is ssc. [;)]

HutchGarahl -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 5:15:43 PM)
A slave in my home that would outright demand anything would more than likely get the strap. However, even a slave...if I am approached in the right manner, I will more than likely sit down and talk things over with them. Everyone has needs and desires that they would like to be honored at some point....it's how a slave goes about it that would determine if they get it from me or not.

Politesub53 -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 5:19:20 PM)
Opps..... i meant demand before a relationship begins. [sm=ofcourse.gif]

DominicsJoy -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 5:28:55 PM)
The key word is demand. Any person knows that you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar. In short, gentle persuasion and requests sit much better than getting forceful, especially since it is against your nature (or should be). Did you actually do any talking before beginning this relationship, or did you jump straight into it? The reason I am asking is if you did discuss your needs prior to actually jumping headlong into the situation in which you find yourself, then it should be easy enough to drop a hint... a gentle reminder. If instead, you flung yourself into bed without a thought to who or what would follow then unfortunately your problem is self made. Any thought to a long term (or even short term) relationship requires communication and commitment. I am not trying to be harsh, but you do need to understand that most Doms do not understand instinctively what you want and need without prior indication. Many do their very best to satisfy, but ultimately, you are the one who is responsible for letting them know (in the proper way and proper time) what you desire from the relationship. By the proper time I mean within the first couple of dates or meetings, and well before any play or sexual relations have taken place. Good luck in your search, and in your relationship. Master's girl- joy

addicted2it -> RE: Is is wrong for a sub to demand his/her's desire (6/13/2007 6:02:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Surely even a slave can make demands, as listed above, and expect them to be kept while the relationship lasts. True slavery is illegal so even bdsm slavery is ssc. [;)] Oh, you are so very wrong! I have NEVER lectured anyone about their beliefs, but what your posting suggests is so far from the reality of this lifestyle. And even if slavery is illegal, here we are talking about consensual slavery, which in essence is a contract between two or more individuals. It may not be the rule of law according the Constitution, but we as a counterculture have adopted it as our own rule, so deal with it or get out! You have posted here often, but how do you identify yourself? Sub or slave? I can only assume you identify as a slave, only because of of the aforementioned statments having been made. And if so, and even if you are sub and not slave, you do NOT have the right to make ANY demands upon a Mistress! And from my understanding of protocol, and if you classify yourself as a submissive, you only have a right to refuse, but NOT to utter demands! So, what do I care? Go ahead and shoot yourself in the foot! I understand that every Femmedomme does not have the same requirements, but I cannot believe that any dominant would tolerate or give into a demand. Femmedommes, correct me if I am wrong. If you, a slave or submissive who believes that you have a right to DEMAND, you might as well just go home and watch TV instead of participating in the lifestyle. I cannot emphasize this point strongly enough! What I have written is the core of my belief system from over 30 years of involvement in the BDSM scene. If anyone in this forum has a different perspective or opinion, I would be more than happy to discuss it with you. Phil

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