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Switch or not? - 6/11/2007 1:28:59 AM

peach77

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Joined: 6/10/2007
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Little bit of background... I have been 24/7 slave for my ex-Master and eventhough He and I decided that it is over (about 3 years ago), He is still living in my appartment and simply refuses to move out. To be honest I really don't know how to get him out, but that is my problem.

Now I have met a submale couple of weeks ago and we have been playing together, I have been topping him as he wishes (he says what he wants me to do to him and I do it). I kind of enjoy it, but mostly because he enjoys it. This confuses me quite a bit, since I have never really thought of myself being domme or anything like that and in some way this is kind of scary. As I said we have had couple of session already, I have been fully clothed, but now he wants to give me pleasure and that really really is scary to me (and I know that I'm being childish now), I'm not sure what should I do, since it feels kind of strange that it would matter.

To my question, am I switch or just totally confused?

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RE: Switch or not? - 6/11/2007 2:47:50 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Ask yourself if you are enjoying your interactions?

And what do you mean by 'He wants to give me pleasure?' Any healthy relationship is based on an exchange of pleasures, even TPE ones. Do you mean he wishes to top, or serve or dominate?

I do suggest you don't get too caught up in labels right now. You are experimenting and finding out about yourself. If it is enjoyable and feels comfortable and you aren't getting swept up in some kind of frenzy, I do not see the point of worrying what orientation you are until it starts defining your relationship and it starts becomming more serious. Look at it as play and interaction and a learning zone.

Peace

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Switch or not? - 6/11/2007 10:12:06 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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If you're doing to serve him and there is no transfer of authority, I'd say you're actiing like a service Top. But, in the end, if it feels right to you, don't worry about what the label is...follow your bliss.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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RE: Switch or not? - 6/11/2007 10:39:28 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Very interesting and not uncommon questions, peach77.
First if your ex is not on your lease and you want him out there are a lot of ways to do this, including the local law. If he is paying a share of the expenses you will need to stop accepting that.
I'd recommend you consider him your ex at this point, not ex-master because being an ex he is no longer a power figure over you.

It is NOT surprising that a submissive (male or female) is trying to entice you to dominate them. If they know you at least have a kinky side, that puts them closer to subbing than if you were a totally vanilla person. He is asking for what he wants, and there is nothing wrong with that.

However this may NOT be right for you, or it may be right for you but not with him, and so it is your choice what you decide is interesting to you and acceptable to you. The fact that someone says "i want" does NOT mean you have any obligation to filfill their wish.

Very often I have found women who enter the BD/SM scene assume that they "ought" to be submissive, because US society has given them signals that this is feminine since they were little girls. In point of fact the woman may have an incredible amount of dominant energy she does not understand, may not accept and often feels very confused about.

As a switch there have been a number of partners who approached me thinking they were submissives, but who learned with me that they had a great deal of dominant charisma. In some cases I taught them to dominate in ways that worked for them. In some cases their dominant energy did not flow towards me and they stayed submissive to me, but I helped them to learn to dominate partners who really were submissive to them. In some cases they were much surprised to find how sweet it was to totally enslave me.

Eveyone needs to do what is right for them. One dear friend came to one of our discussion groups because she knew she really sought the energy of BD/SM, but the two male friends who each were talking her into Domming them were turning her off. She liked all the thoughts of what they did, but when she played with either or both of them, she could barely concentrate and was bored.... because it turned out she wanted someone with the right energy connection to take charge of her, and make HER do all those hot things!

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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

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RE: Switch or not? - 6/23/2007 3:10:38 AM

JustCatherine

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Joined: 8/29/2006
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Labels dont define a person, ones actions do. i agree with the first two posts, if it feels good enjoy it, try moving away from what he askes every now and then, see if it feels right. I am love both sides, and have a sub at the moment,he loves giving me pleasure and making me feel good, i lay back and let him. enjoy it, nothing to be scared of, if he does something that doesnt feel right tell him to stop then punish him(hehe just kidding) but speak up, dont hesitate to tell him what you would like him to do do pleasure you, i e where to lick or rub or what ever

good luck

Lady Catherine

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RE: Switch or not? - 6/23/2007 10:15:31 PM

AuburnLady40

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I am curious as to how long the thoughts of switching have been with you? Does this coincide around the same time you noticed your home life is out of your control with your ex's refusal to leave the premises?

I believe the role of a switch, while is quite viable, is dependent on the need the swsitch has in a particular moment in time.

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RE: Switch or not? - 6/25/2007 7:10:31 PM

aparootsa

Posts: 49
Joined: 5/2/2007
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Sounds to me that you're an empath, which may make you more likely to switch depending on your other personality traits. If you're enjoying domming ONLY because he enjoys you domming him, that may just make you an empath, or it may just mean you have a thing for him. If you're also enjoying the power/control that you have, it's more likely that you're a switch. What's really important, though, is for you to understand where the enjoyment is coming from and, from a relationship point of view, whether it's fulfilling for you. In both cases, if you like it, explore it further and otherwise call it quits.

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RE: Switch or not? - 7/9/2007 7:42:03 PM

LadyHolly

Posts: 17
Joined: 7/8/2007
From: Portland, Oregon
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Many true submissives or slaves very much enjoy getting their Master / Domme off however they prefer. The desire to please is in the blood - a good sub would be very happy to know they are pleasing and this would be a turn on, in and of itself.

In my mind you are a great sub in regard to this but this does not make you a switch.

However, if you can say you've seen people and fantasized about them being in your total control then that would make you a switch if by nothing more than desire.

Your not looney - you are a true sub. Somthing to be proud of!

Best wishes, Lady Holly

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RE: Switch or not? - 7/9/2007 8:50:46 PM

tehf00f

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...sounds like you need to either contact your local authorities, or just move out: unless you've got some amazing rent control or are in walking distance of your place of work, an apartment is just an apartment

and just because you're only comfortable with certain activities with *one specific individual* that in and of itself does not lable you as a person

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RE: Switch or not? - 7/11/2007 11:56:00 PM

pandoravampire

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I think the replies so far are sound. Especially the flavour of 'dont bother to label' just go with the flow.
As for the ex that wont vacate your premises.
Ive found a bunch of large friends, and a rottweiller immensley useful in such situations. Intimidation being the operative word! Rather than law breaking, bone breaking style. Though that works too for some.
pandoravampire

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RE: Switch or not? - 8/16/2007 4:02:56 AM

peach77

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I thank you all for good advices.

It is true, that I don't exactly enjoy controlling, it seems to be that I enjoy pleasing him, doing things because he wants those things to done to him. To be honest, I don't know how long this can last, but at least I have desided to enjoy this as long as it will. I just don't want him to touch me, wich is okey to him. I have talked with couple of friends who noticed that I seem to be afraid of men in general, and I think this is one way for me to try to get over that fear. Time will tell if I'm right.

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RE: Switch or not? - 8/17/2007 11:20:39 PM

Elea

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Anywhere but here...
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Dear Peach -

Just FYI, dear, this is why some of us are considered switches. For myself personally, I am a slave at heart - but I started as a Domme, and with some people they want the love of an authority figure and need the discipline and etc. in order to feel like they are the best that they can be.

When I love someone, there really isn't a line that I draw of where I won't go or things I won't do for them; ultimately, for you, it is a matter of what most makes you comfortable and what you find ultimately the most pleasing both to you and to him.

I mean, honestly ...? Try asking him to return the favor. If you're doing him the service of filling a place in his life he is struggling with, you could use the same treatment I am sure. If all else fails, at least you two could have fun together. ^.~

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Be well, A/all.

~Elea

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RE: Switch or not? - 8/18/2007 6:29:20 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
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I'm not going to even touch the 'am I a switch' question because that's really something only you can decide.

What does concern me is the fact that you seem to be hesitant to get intimate with this person, but that if you decide you're a switch you might be more likely to, in the name of 'exploration' or 'experimentation'. Seriously..don't get naked with anyone you don't want to get naked with. Forget all the labels and roles, "being pleasured" (which I assume means oral sex) is an intimate sexual activity, which carries a small but still real chance of passing disease. Judge whether you want to do it based on the activity and the person...not any labels attached.

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RE: Switch or not? - 8/29/2007 4:05:21 AM

BiteGirl

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There are really no real rules in play, don't pigonhole (sp?) yourself as a sub or a dom or anything, just do what feels good, and ignore the lables for now. consider this experiinmentation. Have fun :)

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