Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to grow from a seed?

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Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to g... - 6/11/2007 4:38:03 AM

Miss_Meowu4

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Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to grow from a seed?

Can you go into a relationship with BDSM as a flavor (a cutting) or do you need to start out completely vanilla and plant the seed? Melissa

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 4:50:16 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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Hmmm...well for me the reason i started in the life style is because i WASN'T.or should i say i'm not vanilla. So i guess for me i came in having some preferences.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 5:01:35 AM

MsCece2u

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IMO it can definitely grow from a cutting. I have known many couples that just started out as play partners and their realtionships have grown into LTR. For many it is easier because you don't have to introduce your partner to the lifestyle as you may have to when starting as a pure vanilla relationship. But in all honesty it is going to depend on the individuals involved.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 5:07:16 AM

DiurnalVampire

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I have never had a successful relationship in D/s that hasnt started with both partners at the very least having an initial interest in pursuing it. I would consider that a cutting, as you put it, since I have never had to make the suggestion and let them think on it before we started going anywhere.
I am sure it is possible to start from vanilla and build out of that, but my personal experince has always lead to disaster on the LTR front that way. It has made for descent playmates for short term but never with any long term staying power.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 6:58:46 AM

LadyHeart

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss_Meowu4

Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to grow from a seed?

Can you go into a relationship with BDSM as a flavor (a cutting) or do you need to start out completely vanilla and plant the seed? Melissa

I receive a steady stream of emails from people asking how they can convert their vanilla partners to BDSM. The short answer is - it can't be done, not unless there's some dormant interest there. It's a huge risk to enter a vanilla relationship hoping someone will change. It's no different to hoping some other fundamental aspect of their character will change - doomed to disappointment.
:))
LH

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 7:29:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Depends on what you want and what works for that relationship. Both do just fine.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 8:27:19 AM

charismagirrl

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From what i am understanding in your OP you are asking if the relationship has to start off as a vanilla one (seed) or can it be one of the many flavours of BDSM (occasional play partner-D/s or M/s) from the start (a cutting)?

If i;m understanding correctly i have lived both of these (although the first wasn't a LDR) and starting from a cutting, or with BDSM in the mix from the start has proven to be the better way to go for me.

When i began as vanilla and we tried to add "flavor" it was wrought with tons of time outs and misunderstandings and was ultimately very unsatisfying (not to say that this is the way with every relationship that begins with a 'seed")

When i met my Master/Daddy i had sworn to myself to never start as a "seed" again. This isn't to say that it's been easy, starting as a cutting with someone more experienced has had it's difficulties as well.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 8:41:52 AM

EvilGeoff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss_Meowu4

Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to grow from a seed?

The short answer is: yes.

The long answer is: Depends on the people involved.

There are no gaurantees for Long Term Relationships regardless of how they start. Some people have had long vanilla relationships that, when exposed to BDSM, something clicks for both partners and VIOLA! They find a mutual interest they didn't know they shared and begin exploring the lifestyle, while maintaining their long term relationship. Others find this in mid-stream, one partner goes "Oh YEAH!" the other goes "Oh Hell NO!" and everything comes to a crashing halt.

Some long time kinksters hook up with other long time kinksters, and it's magic. 15 - 20 years later they're still together... for others the chemistry wears off 6 - 8 months, a year down the road and it's "Well... That didn't work out..."

Trying to convert a totally against kink partner? That's a non-starter. Trying to open doors for a kink curious/tolerant open-minded partner? That can be do-able.

Trying to force a relationship to work with someone who's known kinks match yours, but they are otherwise fundamentally incompatible in other aspects? Probably a bad idea, Kemo-sabe. But if their core values, morals, humor, interests, music, movies, etc mesh pretty well with yours and your kinky alignment works, well then, carry on and see where it leads!

How long the relationship will last is a crap-shoot with ANY relationship, regardless of how you start off with it.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 8:42:46 AM

MellowSir

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I've had a fair bit of luck changing a "vanilla" to a submissive, depends on skills of seduction and powers of persuasion, and great sex doesn't hurt lol, they know from the beginning anyway that I've a dominant personality so it's not like they weren't warned......

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 8:44:23 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Either way as long as you get there.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 9:24:37 AM

Miss_Meowu4

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Do you think its different for submissives to start as a cutting then a Domme?

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 9:58:40 AM

domiguy

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I started as a sapling....Well it was a very sturdy, domly sapling....So you can all quit yer laughing.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 10:13:20 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Depends on the people involved, as it depends on the plants used.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 10:19:47 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss_Meowu4

Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to grow from a seed?

Can you go into a relationship with BDSM as a flavor (a cutting) or do you need to start out completely vanilla and plant the seed? Melissa

My successful Ds relationships have grown only from firmly planted Ds roots.

I don't do just BDSM though, it is built around Ds, anything else is extra.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 10:52:19 AM

simplewhispers

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So what term is used for me ......... life full of vanilla, with strong tendencies toward D/s

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 12:21:49 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miss_Meowu4

Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need to grow from a seed?

Can you go into a relationship with BDSM as a flavor (a cutting) or do you need to start out completely vanilla and plant the seed? Melissa

I receive a steady stream of emails from people asking how they can convert their vanilla partners to BDSM. The short answer is - it can't be done, not unless there's some dormant interest there. It's a huge risk to enter a vanilla relationship hoping someone will change. It's no different to hoping some other fundamental aspect of their character will change - doomed to disappointment.
:))
LH

I've seen lots of vanilla relationships turn into femdom led relationships. The trick is managing the expectations of the submissive and introducing the woman to it in a way that doesn't freak her out. The liklihood for success is directly related to the man's willingness to compromise and the woman's sense of adventure and desire to make it work. If they can find middle ground, it can be a rebirth that is amazing.

Akasha

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 12:57:29 PM

meticulousgirl

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I dont think it should start out vanilla so to speak but in my experiences it does seem to go better if you start slow and work your way up to what it is that you want. Not only does it build respect for one another but it builds a trust that wouldn't be there if you just went full fledged all at once.

Just my opinion

I just dont think I could ever personally start out full fledged and be able to handle everything, that's me, I dont know what others would honestly say.

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 2:21:24 PM

ExSteelAgain

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CE and I got into this with both of us having experience, but I didn’t keep playing with her and let a relationship develop because our kink was exactly compatible. She could have been the most subly sub and me the most Domly Dom without it developing if we didn’t have other vanilla qualities we both find admirable. So I can’t say it HAS to come from a cutting, not that type of cutting anyway :)

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 2:49:13 PM

imthatacheyouhav

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I started as a sapling....Well it was a very sturdy, domly sapling....So you can all quit yer laughing.

ROFLMAO.....

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RE: Can a BDSM LTR grow from a cutting or does it need ... - 6/11/2007 6:03:53 PM

Joseff

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All I can say is that I and my wife started out with a bit of common interest, and grew into the lifestyle by learning from each other. It wasn't untill after we were married that we became involved with the community and really began to learn.
Joseff

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