RE: defining a relationship dynamic?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: defining a relationship dynamic?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: defining a relationship dynamic?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/13/2007 7:18:03 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Dont worry James. We erupt all the time here and most of the time it has little to do with the orginal OP. ...

It's a Dom thing. Kinda like fireworks, fun to watch but best stand back.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/13/2007 11:55:43 PM

TigerNINTails

Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Hi James,

Not a problem. After hearing a more thought out post from you, it surprises me not one bit we share a name.

And yes, while it might have initially sounded as if I was speaking compromise (which in all honesty seems to go against the grains of many a Top, including my own at times), I was really trying to drive the point of flexibility and being able to make minor adjustments that left noone out and made for some very nice blanket long-term gains.

Now I sound like I'm talking marketing, but the M/s or D/s relationship is no different in that regard. It really is about the long-term.

Unless, as in your gaming example, you're sceneing, then there's a difference in the dynamic, as it's temporary. Well, in so far as "temporary" calls for a change in dynamic. But the "can I live with this treatment" or "Can I keep up with this treatment, or tone down to this level" "...for the rest of this relationship, feasibley?" questions don't need to be answered in a scene, where in a full blown relationship, yes... It must be answered.

After all, you gotta live the person. You have to live with your decision. No one else has to live with your decisions, quite like you do.

This is why you pre-negotiate and figure out where you fit, and how your potential Top fits in the equation.

And you didn't start this... In all honesty, I might well have misspoke myself up top, by not clarifying what I meant, or by even phrasing it wrong.

But like MadRabbit said, arguing semantics is just annoying. Though sometimes, it's all we have to go on.

And I don't like fighting for fightings sake, but if there's going to be a conflict about anything, I'm glad that it can be learned from somehow. Even if it's "why not to fight on-line".

In any case, welcome to the boards.

Peace.

Tora Kuo

_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to jthaddeus)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 12:07:26 AM

NoirUMC

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

Ouch. So many words in one place. -wanders off blinking-

_____________________________

-J

Working around the clock to find new and entertaining misspellings

(in reply to TigerNINTails)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 12:45:38 AM

TigerNINTails

Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Absolutely. I like to be clear. At the risk of falling into Faramir's sig-file... heheh... I've been practicing longer than online has existed.

Wow, that dates me some... In any case, personal experience has always been my default. I fiind that when I read books, or read things online, they have a tendency to support my tendency to look within, instead of without, for the right way of things in bondage, discipline, sado-masochism and dynamics within an M/s relationship.

I've never been one to be some sort of net-guru of BDSM, though my ideas (which is all anyone really has anyway) probably rival most. I do however enjoy sharing the knowledge I've built up and enlightening people, and even, sometimes schooling someone if they're way off-base.

I also think people tend, throughout this personal journey of discovery on any point, be it submissive, dominant, switch, to take themselves way to seriously.
I do the same thing, sometimes, so I'm not pointing fingers.

I do my best to balance the more edgey and extreme viewpoints that I might have with common sense & common interest. Not as in a common interest, but rather, the commonality of interest. I hope that makes sense. As in "with best interest in mind" so to speak.

It's important to keep the perspective of only holding to realistic expectations, I guess is what I'm saying. At any-rate, yes, I'll keep an eye out for more of your posts also MadRabbit... And strive to get your name right consistently in the future.

LOL
Peace...

Tora Kuo

_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 12:51:18 AM

TigerNINTails

Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

LOL

Sometimes it's required to make a point I suppose.

Peace.

Tora Kuo

_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to NoirUMC)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 8:11:31 AM

BringerOfTears

Posts: 19
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

Any good relationship is built upon clear communication, clear communication requires that both parties expose their fears and to make themselves vulnerable to each other. Each relationship should be unique, I think when they are not that they are most doomed to failure.

You want to be treated like a pet, fully owned and trained. Find a dominant who wants to own a pet, work out the details and make each other blissfully happy. You are going to have to kiss a lot of frogs to get there but to keep a bit of humility, remember all those frogs look at you as just another frog on their path to their princess.

(in reply to TigerNINTails)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 9:47:15 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jthaddeus

Hello,

I'm reletively new to all of this. I reciently discovered that not all power exchange or D/s relationships involve BDSM or other pain play.

I've been interested in being owned, and the dynamic in my mind was much like that of a dog and a master. One where while discipline might be followed, the concept of hitting or playing head games with, or generally screwing with ones pet just wouldnt happen most of the time. But rather where all honest efforts are made to do eveything for the Master just as a dog would, loyal, obedient, and faithfull, and wherein getting attention, petted etc was not uncommon.

Not that I mean puppy play (not that I'm opposed mind you) but rather that type of relationship dynamic, if not a physical canine emulation.

I hope that made some kind of sense. :\

Is this something that exists and is common?
Anything even vaugely like this?
Is there a term for it?
How would one even go about looking for people who were into this?

Thank you very much. :)

-- J.

It's called undying devotion, and it does exist in many TPE relationships.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to jthaddeus)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 7:09:52 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Sorry for assuming you were female, talking from my own perspective here.

However I wouldn't be so quick to assume that everything you think you want will turn out not to be true. I'm in my first, and hopefully, only D/s BDSM relationship and my likes and dislikes really haven't changed all that much.

I'm still the best expert on me there ever has or will be. I am far better at extrapolating how a possible scenario will make me feel than he is, simply because I've known me a lot more years than he has. He knows this and uses my self knowledge to his advantage. But he isn't foolish enough to assume that something I state categorically is repellant to me really will turn out to be the opposite once I try it. He takes my word on what attracts me and what doesn't.

And if what attracts you is a relationship built on love and positive reinforcement, and not one based on a punitive or punishment dynamic, then go look for that. Because I'm sure that you're right, that this will be the happiest relationship for you simply because you know yourself best.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: defining a relationship dynamic? - 6/14/2007 10:16:29 PM

jthaddeus

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

Celeste, there is no need to appologize.

"Oh, that's all right. He can call me flower if he wants to. I don't mind." ;)

I suppose the thing for me is that I reciently came out of a relationship where I believed going into it that I wanted a poly relationship. My B/f didn't but he supported me and told me to go out and try it, and when the opportunity arose, with someone I find both physically and mentally amazing and who also happens to be a really nice guy, I discovered that as much as I liked the concept, I didn't really want to play with other people and wanted more and more to be.. one persons, to belong to someone as it were. Over the course of a year or so this thought process kept playing out and I am here looking to learn about being owned, and being a Masters property and so on and so forth, and while the seeds were planted well before that experience, it taught me that as much as I might know what a limit is for me right now, I'm not entirely sure that I do know what, specifically I do and don't want yet.

But alot of that is so much filler. As you said, you were speaking of a relationship built on love and positive reenforcement, both of these are underlying concepts on which the smaller things I was speaking of grow from, and while those things I'm not sure about, you're most likely correct about the big picture most likely not changing any time soon, or if it does, it will be something I believe I will be aware of before someone else will.

I don't know. (funny, that seems to be my mantra reciently)

Thanks again to everyone for their input. It has all helped me greatly, although I'm not sure I'm any less confused now than I was before, the questions I now face are new, and I am slowly making progress sorting out my head :)

-- j.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Profile

Post #: 29