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Being addressed.... - 5/31/2005 6:34:25 PM   
NightRoseBud


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline 		Sine joining collarme.com I have gotten a lot of messages from subs I don't know who address me as "Mistress." This is one of my biggest pet peeves, because I feel that these submissives don't know me, and should use "Ma'am" instead. When I do ask them not to use Mistress, they always say "I just trying to show respect."

I was just wondering if most Dommes feel the same way as I do... do you feel that a sub show use Ma'am instead of Mistress for a Domme they don't know, or am I just being picky?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being addressed.... - 5/31/2005 6:47:08 PM   
lionheart67


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2005
Status: offline 		M'Lady ,
If I may,to me as a sub and very new at this I would endever to say that it is out of respect.But I also think that if You request to be called in another way then they bieng told should do as You have asked.Also they should remember it as well.

I'm not sure if it is my place to post in here but I feel that it should be known that if it is a mistake then it was and is not out of malice.I would venture to say that it is just the most respectful that person can be.

I for one am learning as I go these last few days.

(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Being addressed.... - 5/31/2005 7:05:45 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Personally I'd much prefer mistress to maam.

If someone automatically uses an honorific, then you communicate your preferences, THEN they need to adhere to those preferences.

You can't fault them for just doing what they feel is nice, you can fault them if they don't change when they clearly know better.

(in reply to lionheart67)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being addressed.... - 5/31/2005 7:37:30 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Personally I'd much prefer mistress to maam.

If someone automatically uses an honorific, then you communicate your preferences, THEN they need to adhere to those preferences.

You can't fault them for just doing what they feel is nice, you can fault them if they don't change when they clearly know better.


I prefer Miss Angelika or Lady Angelika --

And I agree with you Em, but if anyone takes the time to read my profile, they will see that I write:

"Also, if you do chose to write to me, you will address me as Miss Angelika or Lady Angelika (and not Mistress or Ma'am). All other honorifics are inappropriate at this time. And by that same token, you are not my slave. I am adamant about this."

I still get at least 5 emails a week addressed as "Mistress". Go figure. At least it's an indication right away that they cannot pay attention to details, so I sever communication immediately.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Being addressed.... - 5/31/2005 11:14:45 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I took a quick look at your profile, and you don't indicate any particular form of address you prefer. Unfortunately, most of the boys don't differentiate, so there is no use getting into a tizzy over it. I tell them how to address Me, and I still get alot of "Dear Mistress" letters.
And adding your preference to your profile may or may not help. Or you could make a quick, polite and educational journal entry that a few may read and take heed.
This is what I do. If I am not interested and it is a one liner, I'm not going to answer anyway. If it is a good letter, and I choose to respond, I don't bother to address the issue initially. But I also make a point of signing the reply as DustyGold (no Mistress or Goddess involved) and I see if they pick up on it. If W/we get into a longer and more in depth correspondence, I use it as an example of what not to do with Me and why.
You're not being too picky, as that is your preference, but it is going to happen alot. Many boys really think that this is the proper form of address. And there are alot of Dominas who demand that form of address. The poor things are very confused!
Good luck and welcome to the boards.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 5/31/2005 11:19:37 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 8:21:51 AM   
suberic101


Posts: 84
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The poor things are very confused!


Yes, totally confused:)

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 8:33:30 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I took a quick look at your profile, and you don't indicate any particular form of address you prefer. Unfortunately, most of the boys don't differentiate, so there is no use getting into a tizzy over it. I tell them how to address Me, and I still get alot of "Dear Mistress" letters.
And adding your preference to your profile may or may not help. Or you could make a quick, polite and educational journal entry that a few may read and take heed.
This is what I do. If I am not interested and it is a one liner, I'm not going to answer anyway. If it is a good letter, and I choose to respond, I don't bother to address the issue initially. But I also make a point of signing the reply as DustyGold (no Mistress or Goddess involved) and I see if they pick up on it. If W/we get into a longer and more in depth correspondence, I use it as an example of what not to do with Me and why.
You're not being too picky, as that is your preference, but it is going to happen alot. Many boys really think that this is the proper form of address. And there are alot of Dominas who demand that form of address. The poor things are very confused!
Good luck and welcome to the boards.


I agree, if you have something in your profile as some do, and they do not adhere to your instructions, then, react to the fact they did not read your profile, and may not be as interested in YOU specifically, as just much as contacting a Domme at large. If like me (and you), you do not list a specific honorific, you have the choice to correct them when you feel appropriate.

Otherwise, they are not mind readers, and will use whatever they are guessing is the honorific that has the most probability of appealing to you. I personally do not put that in, because I have another directive in my profile, that is usually not followed in itself, which makes me not willing to continue communications.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 10:34:36 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Personally, I do not allow any but my own sub to address me as Mistress. When someone does address me as Mistress, depending upon my mood, I either simply tell them that I am not THEIR Mistress and they've no right to address me as such or if I'm in a lousy mood, I ask them when they purchased me, since I was unaware that I was theirs to presume upon. Hey, I try for maturity. I don't always succeed.

I feel that any sub who presumes to call a strange Domme, Mistress is either a newbie, experienced with Pros only or a game player. None of those interest me. Most subs with any experience at all, know enough to ask how the Domme prefers to be addressed. I do not know any Domme in my local scene who is non Pro that allows subs who are not hers to address her as Mistress.

You'd think since they're trying to attract a Domme, they'd actually bother to read the profiles and address the Domme by her preference if stated in it. Unfortunately, most "subs" put the same amount of effort into searching for a Domme that they do in masturbating. They want to look at pictures, get horny and cum. This is further complicated by the fact that many men haven't bothered to figure out that men and women are different. While they might be thrilled by a strangers writing them and offering to suck their genitals, very few women will react to such mail positively.


And no, you're not being too picky. You've the right to be called by the name YOU choose. You can put "Do not presume to call me Mistress." in your profile, and when they still do, you know right away that the person isn't worth your time.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 10:50:58 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		No one but our boys are allowed to call us "Mistress" ... and I hate being called "Ma'am" (although Holly doesn't mind). It's just one of those things that grates my nerves like nails on a chalkboard - always has. But they can't know that until I tell them, so I don't get upset until it happens repeatedly after I've mentioned it to them. There is no need in getting upset about them not being psychic.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 3:06:55 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NightRoseBud
Sine joining collarme.com I have gotten a lot of messages from subs I don't know who address me as "Mistress." This is one of my biggest pet peeves, because I feel that these submissives don't know me, and should use "Ma'am" instead. W


When I was first starting out I thought that addressing a domme as 'Mistress' was simply expected - that it showed respect. Of course, I know better now.

I would take their use of that word as a sign that they are new to real world D/s. Perhaps they simply need re-orientation. And perhaps it is a good measure of their claims to experience, as well.

(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 3:32:10 PM   
willful


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline 		I usually don't use Ma'am, Mistress, m'Lady, Great one etc. in messages unless requested too. It's not that I have a problem with it. But the way I see it is I am approaching someone to open communications. I usually wouldn't talk like that and never have had to or been requested too at munches.


(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 6:36:28 PM   
MsHoney2you


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		The only way to avoid your pet peeve is to clearly inform all in your profile what your expectation is... along with correcting them the first time they use the term OR when originally approached tell them how you wish to be addressed AND there is always the way you sign off on your posts. All of these are ways to clearly state your preferance. If any sub still does not get it, then hon, he SHOULD NOT GET 'IT'.

Be assertive and clear and those not able to follow your trail can simply go and blaze their own,
Ms Honey

(who is Ma'am if I am co=topping someone else's sub and Mistress in a scene when the sub is mine,,,, keeps them clear on who is whom (?))



quote:

ORIGINAL: NightRoseBud

Sine joining collarme.com I have gotten a lot of messages from subs I don't know who address me as "Mistress." This is one of my biggest pet peeves, because I feel that these submissives don't know me, and should use "Ma'am" instead. When I do ask them not to use Mistress, they always say "I just trying to show respect."

I was just wondering if most Dommes feel the same way as I do... do you feel that a sub show use Ma'am instead of Mistress for a Domme they don't know, or am I just being picky?


(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 6:55:14 PM   
littlespike


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willful

I usually don't use Ma'am, Mistress, m'Lady, Great one etc. in messages unless requested too. It's not that I have a problem with it. But the way I see it is I am approaching someone to open communications. I usually wouldn't talk like that and never have had to or been requested too at munches.




Personally i use Ms. for all Dommes whom i am not actively serving at the time. Although if a Domme gives me a direct command i will usually respond with a quick "yes, Mistress".

Personally i have certainly learned not to take this topic lightly. Last month i was congratulating Diva Midori on her birthday. i assumed that i could be humorous by referring to her as Mistress. Big mistake, some of the people in the group were kidding me that she would beat me, for calling her Mistress, when she returned. Then when she did return from her birthday holiday, she seriously chastised me for the whole event. She said that we were pushing her limits, and that she would never beat someone for calling her Mistress. i was really embarrassed. What a mistake that turned out to be!!!

respectfully
little spike


_____________________________



http://www.goddessselene.com/ -- My Mistress and best friend

http://www.homepage.bannerzzz.com/ - My homepage

(in reply to willful)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 6:55:31 PM   
NightRoseBud


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline 		Obviously, since I didn’t put my preference in my profile, I don’t expect people to read my mind. But since so many male subs who have contacted me have used Mistress when first addressing me, I was just wondering if I was part of a minority of Dommes who would find that disrespectful.

(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/1/2005 7:05:02 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I really don't care how one might address me in an opening letter. On the other hand, I am very specific about not wishing to receive a one-line reply & I also ask for something specific to take place within a first reply so that I know they have taken time to read my profile.

Titles are meaningless. Yes I am a dominant female ( *note I don't have a hangup about capitals either*) & yes I use a spelling variation of Mistress. I came to an understanding nearly 19 yrs ago that there was a name for what was going on inside of me. I spent about 5 yrs on self discovery & studied as much material as I could get my hands on about topics such as sadistic & masochistic tendencies, sadomasochism, dominance & submission. I had an opportunity to learn from several friends how to properly handle many types of 'toys'. After I had successfully maintained a full time D/s relationship for one year (this was about 10 yrs ago) I decided I had pretty much concluded that this was not a passing fad for me & that with the effort & knowledge I had gathered I was quite confident that I had Mastered what this lifestyle meant to me & my life. Mistress only seemed fitting.

The variation of spelling I use was never about having enough characteres for a screen name... in fact I came up with the spelling prior to ever being online... I spell it this way because I respect many subs are not comfortable with calling a female dominant Mistress unless they are their Mistress.

MstrssPassion

(in reply to MsHoney2you)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/3/2005 5:49:31 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NightRoseBud

Obviously, since I didn’t put my preference in my profile, I don’t expect people to read my mind. But since so many male subs who have contacted me have used Mistress when first addressing me, I was just wondering if I was part of a minority of Dommes who would find that disrespectful.


I think at this point, I don't consider it respectful or disrespectful. And that is because, for the most part, they think they are being respectful! It is just an indication that they are uneducated. And the lack of education depends on where they've been spending the most time hanging out. So I take it upon Myself, to educate them, in a nice way, and when I feel it is worth My time.
You are with the majority of Dominas I know. Some are more sensitive about it than others. I just kind of roll with the punches, and give it as much attention as I think it deserves at the moment. It mostly happens to Me in email. I never allow it in real time. or the very rare occasions when I will be in a private chat. That is made quite clear, up front!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being addressed.... - 6/3/2005 6:04:57 PM   
MistressJan


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
Interesting post, NightRose.

My slave always refers to me as Mistress_Jan. I have a lot of submissives that are my friends, and I don't expect them to call me Mistress because I am not there Mistress of course; however, they call me Mistress_Jan.
I don't know if it is because they are fascinated that I am a female dominant, or they have been with me all the way during my learning process, and give me respect.
I always allow people to be respectful, and this lifestyle has been hidden for a long time, and a lot of new folks do not know how to handle that situation.
My own thing is to allow them to be what they want to be as long as they don't interfer with my slave and I.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to NightRoseBud)
Profile   Post #: 17
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