Advice on anal (Full Version)

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beargonewild -> Advice on anal (6/13/2007 5:50:42 AM)

Greetings
  During a conversation with a Dom friend of mine yesterday, our conversation got on the subject of anal penetration. During the course of theis conversation, my friend got very serious and revealed that he wants me to anally penetrate him at some point. At one time, we were lovers and have remained real good freinds and still on occassion play together. He being the top and me the bottom. As a bottom, I know the high level of trust there must be presen t before permitting a top to penetrate, so when he asked me I was quite surprised. I also realize the great trust he has with me, especially as he has major issues with being pentrated due to him being anally raped as a child. As he stated to me, he has been doing a large amount of thinking and has reached a stage where he wants to deal with this childhood trauma and work through it and he holds a lot of trust in me knowing I take thing very slow and will be very aware of any signs of anxiety and fear he will experience.

My thinking is to start off by using small insertable toys on him in order to get him acustomed to the sensations of being penertaed, using tons of lube, at first, then working up to using a finger and then two fingers etc. In your opinion, is this best way to proceed or should I start off slower? I still recall my first time being penertated and it was a painful experience and I do not want this to be the case with my friend at this point.

Thanks, Bear



Valyraen -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 6:15:42 AM)

A very good question... I'll flag this message for Aqua to reply, as we've recently started doing anal play ourselves.



beargonewild -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 6:21:03 AM)

Would appreciate that. I do have an idea on how to proceed and well aware of the trust placed in my hands and my greatest concern is to make this a very pleasent experience and help him over the abuse issue also. In our piror playing, he has allowed me to use a finger to penetrate him but not very far as he began to get unesy and I immediately stopped.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 6:34:12 AM)

I wouldn't rush to penetrate him.  While you are playing with and sucking his cock, play with his ass without penetrating it.  I would start doing that first when he is near cumming then introduce it earlier and earlier in your play.  Do it slower than he wants you to.  You sound like a sensative lover, watch for signs of  pleasure as well as tensing and pulling away, let those be your guide as they lie less!

The point is to switch his association of anal from rape to pleasure.  Give him control of the speed of progression, make him want and beg for more.

When he is ready to be penetrated make him slide his ass onto your finger, that allows him control and ensures you don't go too fast. 

Oh, and use lots of lube!



fairerthanshe -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 6:34:25 AM)

I really enjoy small vibrating eggs.  There is no stress on the sphincter once its inserted and yet I get great pleasure from it being there.  This might be a good way to introduce him to "good" sensations.

fairer



AquaticSub -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 7:05:55 AM)

Tons of very good lube. I'm a big fan of Wet Platinum, which you can find at just about any good adult store. Using small toys and working your way up really helps. If he wants (can remember) he might want to invest in one of the kits of butt plugs that come in three sizes. They are a bit hard find, but they are quite useful. I find it helps to wear a plug for an hour or so every few days, but I almost always forget to do it.

Also, if you want the experience to be enjoyable for him, don't push it. Valyraen always lets me guide him in and sort of "give clearance" until he is fully in because that is when it hurts the most. While we generally go for the dirty talk, the tone always switches to "Good girl, good pet" during the initial penetration. It helps me at least.

I would suggest telling him that he is required to be honest with you about how much it hurts and if it feels like anything ripped. This is not a place where you want to have infections.

Laying on our sides with him behind me is the best position for me for me to take it, I seem to relax the best at any rate.

Hmm.... oh yes, make sure your lube is compatible with your toys/condoms. Oil lubes (though I believe Wet is safe to use with everything - always read the fine print on the back of the bottle) break down latex and can irritate the interior walls. Not to mention break your toys and negate the protection of the condom.

The only other piece of advice? Put a towel down. You will be thankful you did, and be prepared to get messy.

Sorry I kinda wrote an essay... Hope it helps! [:)]



beargonewild -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 7:09:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I wouldn't rush to penetrate him.  While you are playing with and sucking his cock, play with his ass without penetrating it.  I would start doing that first when he is near cumming then introduce it earlier and earlier in your play.  Do it slower than he wants you to.  You sound like a sensative lover, watch for signs of  pleasure as well as tensing and pulling away, let those be your guide as they lie less!

The point is to switch his association of anal from rape to pleasure.  Give him control of the speed of progression, make him want and beg for more.

When he is ready to be penetrated make him slide his ass onto your finger, that allows him control and ensures you don't go too fast. 

Oh, and use lots of lube!


Thanks Michael, something along the lines of what you've stated is how I do want to proceed. Some of what you had suggested, we have tried with positive results. It's proceeding further which I am being cautious about, knowing that the sensations are alike yet different from using a finger and from penetration. Much of what I'm using as a gudeline is from my own experience and tempering that with the knowledge of his abuse. My common sense does has me knowing when to be very considerate and when roughness is desired.



beargonewild -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 7:23:43 AM)

lol  yes this does help immensely! In this, I am letting his actions and reactions dictate my actions. I'm quite willing to have all the focus be on him and wanting the experience be as positive as possible.

I have found a skin care product ( Fruit of The Earth 100% clear aloe gel at wallyworld) is 100% free of dyes, color, alcohol  and perfume and is 100% aloe vera gel. I have and still use it instead of lube such as "Astroglide" or "Slick". It absorbs quite well and leaves no stickiness and found it to be very compatible with latex and plastic toys.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 7:33:36 AM)

Another important point is to tell him to push against whatever you are inserting.  It feels like you are fighting the insertion but that is in fact the movement one does to relax and open the sphincter.



jthaddeus -> RE: Advice on anal (6/13/2007 5:51:12 PM)

One thing I've found amazingly helpfull is if you use your finger (or toy or whatever) and instead of trying to penetrate at all, simply trace a circle around the entrance, very small, just slowly and lightly circling, and eventually he will loosen up just from this and allow entry almost painlessly. From there, there is still another muscle in there to get past, but a similar plan of simply going very slow and gently rocking, small motions, slowly performed, is amazingly effective.

Good choice on taking the time to find something that works well with their skin. I don't know why, but for some people (myself included) the majority of water based lubes seem to almost burn inside, which can suck :(

Good on you for helping them out like this. It has to be a major thing for them to work through.

-- James



Aswad -> RE: Advice on anal (6/19/2007 1:00:09 AM)

I haven't a clue why, but all my quality aloe vera products say "external use only".

I know the aloe plant has some poisonous sections that are usually not seperated from the rest before making the products, but that probably isn't the case for a clear gel. The vitamins and such in the gel might be an issue, though, but that probably requires long term exposure.

FWIW, I've used tons of stuff that wasn't intended for that use, with no problem, but I check first to see if there's anything in there that might be absorbed through the rectal mucosal membranes.

And oil based lubes work great, as long as you take care to get the right kind of rubber. Some kinds of PVC will literally melt at even a little bit of exposure. Others can be stored in a glass of vaseline for a year with no problem. The gloves I use for FF'ing, for instance, are a type of vinyl examination gloves that are oil-resistant.



Stephann -> RE: Advice on anal (6/19/2007 6:10:19 AM)

A technique I've used is to get something long and very thin.  I've found a gluegun stick to be perfect for the job.  It'll help get your lover used to the sensation of being penetrated, without any stretching or a lot of the discomfort.

Good luck,

Stephan



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