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Freedom - 6/1/2005 12:31:08 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		My take on freedom within the d/s r/s. Which of course, will be coming from my POV

When i entered into my first real d/s relationship, i struggled alot with the freedom aspect. i was LOSING my freedom. It was difficult adjusting and for awhile there, i struggled with all my might to hold on to my freedom. Oh it did my head in! Not that it makes any sense, but it did. i had specifically looked for a relationship where i would have no freedom, what so ever. Yet losing it was tougher then i imagined. i pulled all sorts of misbehavior to re assert my freedom in little ways. It wasnt the "big" picture freedoms that gave me issue either. It was those little ones. No TV at bedtime. My freedom to fall asleep the way i CHOSE too. My freedom to go to sleep when i CHOSE too. Even though its what i wanted (to not have the freedom), i still struggled to hold onto them. And i'm sure if you ask Master, i struggled against all of them. Yet little by little i was slowly learning to let go.

Weeks and months passed by, still little struggles here and there with losing tiny bits of freedom at a time. Yet one day, Master was going out of town. Leaving me with NO rules and saying "I want you to have fun while I am gone" Ooooooo that did my head in! i thought about it and thought about it. i had just been given the freedom to go and do any little thing i liked. i had a WHOLE weekend to do as i pleased. Which gave me so many possiblities. Heck, i could of gone out and partied all night long. Or i could of taken off and went to visit a friend in another city or state. Heck i was contemplating going from Florida up to VA for awhile. i could of hung out with the ppl, i knew were not a good influence. So i sat there contemplating all these little wild things that i used to do before i met Master.

Then the oddest thing struck me. i DIDNT want to do them. Strange as it may not seem, it was completely foriegn to me. i AM wild, i do do crazy things. But for the first time in my life, i didnt want to. i didnt want the freedom to be able to do them. It struck me, i finally had all this freedom back, and i didnt want it. i didnt want my freedom. i didnt want to go and do crazy things. Nope, i wanted Master back, i wanted all my rules back, i wanted my lack of freedom back. i wanted the TV off at bedtime, i didnt want to drink. i wanted things just the way they were. i must admit, i felt abit at a loss at what to do. This new found freedom that i didnt want. i learned to appreciate so much that day. i have learned since to appreciate each little freedom that i lose. Anxiously waiting until i lose every single bit of freedom i might have left. Anxiously waiting until its ALL gone. Woooo Hooooo........ its coming!

(Thankfully, i found out later that Master hadnt just let me loose with all of my freedom back.)

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 6/1/2005 12:39:27 PM >
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 12:45:12 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Freedom in slavery

Check out this link on a thread not too long ago.

This was my post on it:

It's one of those lovely life paradoxes.

Truly, we find freedom in being true to who we are.

Whether that happens to be as a slave, as a Wiccan, as a wife, as a mother, as a bisexual, as a nun, or as a soccer player- if we are being who we are, then we will be free and have that same sense of fulfillment.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 1:14:30 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Very insightful, RiotGirl. I experienced this recently, but from the other side. My former slave constantly struggled with her loss of freedom. Swinging back and forth like an erratic pendulum. Note, I said 'former' slave. She has yet to resolve this (and other) issues. I was unable to find a solution, but learned much in the process of trying.

Bob (notcat...DesertRat)

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 2:18:15 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Very interesting thread, thanks for putting it outo. i enjoyed reading parts of it. (note the part where it was being discussed whether it was all revelant, was not intersting)

quote:

Truly, we find freedom in being true to who we are.


of course! Its just finding that, accepting it and going with it.

BobCat ;
quote:

Note, I said 'former' slave


Sounds ominious. LOL But erm, yeah, i'm glad you thought it was insightful. Just one of those days i thought to share.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 2:56:58 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Very interesting post. And more so for me because my slave and I are dealing with many of the same themes. She recently discovered that she also wants all of her "freedoms" taken from her by me. It has been a struggle for sure, but definitely worth it. I will have her read your post. I think it will help for her to see she isn't the only one feeling this way.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 4:06:45 PM   
sputniklove


Posts: 39
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I think a intresting train of thought is not what you have lost or given up but have gained. A new sense of You, of self,and of a different outlook on what you were as oppossed to what you have now become. Perhaps less lazie farie, or more self responsable for your actions, Sure you could have stayed out all night partying but instead you would rather not. I am curious does your Master see this as a positive change for you? And do you? I would find this a good change in you but again only my opinion..........best Sputnik

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 4:34:46 PM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		they hate us for it? oh sorry wrong topic.

(in reply to sputniklove)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 5:07:27 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I wonder what it means to have freedom taken? Are people using taht to mean they want to be micromanaged? I mean the Owner COULD tell me what to eat every moment, wear every day, watch on TV all the time, when to post, what to post, how to post, how to walk, where to drive...I mean really ANYTHING.

He simply chooses not to because it would needlessly create more work and energy for him to deal with rather than allowing me to take work AWAY from him.

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 5:56:49 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I guess I wonder what it means to have freedom taken? Are people using taht to mean they want to be micromanaged? I mean the Owner COULD tell me what to eat every moment, wear every day, watch on TV all the time, when to post, what to post, how to post, how to walk, where to drive...I mean really ANYTHING.

He simply chooses not to because it would needlessly create more work and energy for him to deal with rather than allowing me to take work AWAY from him.


What it means to have freedom taken? To not be able to choose what you do next. Losing the abliity of deciding what happens next and whether it happens or not. Its not about micromanagement. (which i DO like) Its about deciding whether to turn the TV on as i fall asleep, or falling asleep reading, or even if i'd like to play with myself before bed. Losing freedom to me means losing choice in the way things are going.

Put it like this. As kids in school, we didnt have freedom. We could not go and pain the windows, or stand on our desk, look down at the teachers and say "Dont quit your day job" We could not play our music loud, or cuss.

Though out of school (with out supervision) we could very easily do these things.

As a child you have no freedoms and only the rights the gov gives you. We gain freedom as adults. To choose to do as we wish, how we wish, when we wish and for whatever reason we wish to do so.

So there, worked out. TO ME, Losing freedom is giving up the Choice to do as i wish, when i wish, how i wish, why i wish and where i wish. i do not have the freedom to do that anymore. The freedom to say "No, not feeling horny right now in the changing room at the local store" (not that its ever come up, but trying to put it in something that might go along with your daily life" Or "No, i really think you should put that crop away and take out the pretty feather instead" Kind of like using the word "want".

Have you any rules at all? Is there anything he tells you Not to do?
I

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 7:30:38 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Have you any rules at all? Is there anything he tells you Not to do?
I

I'm not allowed to have unprotected sex, I'm not allowed to discuss certain things in public forums, I'm not allowed to disobey.

There's the style of management that says "do what you're doing, until I say otherwise or see something specific"

And then there's the style of management that says "Don't do anything until I say otherwise or see something specific"

The Owner is the former, it works best for us. More often it will be on as-needed, when he tells me to come house sit, or when doing phone updates telling me to do something with someone or pick something up or whatever. This can be unsettling when you've made a weekend of plans that suddenly get tossed out the window with a phone call from him- but that's life as a slave.

Much better than having to get authorization over everything all the time.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/1/2005 8:32:40 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not allowed to have unprotected sex, I'm not allowed to discuss certain things in public forums


There is a freedom you dont have. You dont have the freedom to speak openly on public forums or the freedom to choose whether you want a condom or not. (not saying anything about the rules) those are choices you can not make.

quote:

when he tells me to come house sit, or when doing phone updates telling me to do something with someone or pick something up or whatever.


there is another freedom gone. The freedom to make plans and to be able to expect to follow through with them.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Freedom - 6/2/2005 5:45:52 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
there is another freedom gone. The freedom to make plans and to be able to expect to follow through with them.

But that was my point- I don't HAVE any freedoms. At ANY time, he could come in and change ANYTHING he wants. He could take away anything, they are all privileges, not rights.

The fact that he prefers me to employ my judgement rather than always needing his direct authorization is just a case of his managerial style.


(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/2/2005 3:33:29 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		You asked this:

quote:

I guess I wonder what it means to have freedom taken? Are people using taht to mean they want to be micromanaged?


i explained what its like, and that its not about micromangement

quote:

But that was my point- I don't HAVE any freedoms. At ANY time, he could come in and change ANYTHING he wants. He could take away anything, they are all privileges, not rights.


So if you dont have any freedom, why are you asking? Its obviously been taken already. Maybe you are over used to it? You seem to know what it is about freedom, what it is to have it taken. to have no rights.

Its not about micromanagement. Its about having your rights slowly taken from you.

So now it is my turn to be confused. i dont get what your point is or the question either for that matter?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Freedom - 6/2/2005 5:02:55 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I know what *I* mean, I just didn't understand what others mean. I don't have any "freedoms" and yet I'm hardly micromanaged.

I'm trying to understand what you mean when you say you want freedoms taken- to me it sounds like you want to be told no or to be given explicit permission for everyday type things.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Freedom - 6/2/2005 6:23:52 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

I know what *I* mean, I just didn't understand what others mean. I don't have any "freedoms" and yet I'm hardly micromanaged.


LOL of course YOU know what you mean! But i'm kind of lost. i think the whole freedom thing is the same. To have more taken? More limits put upon i suppose. Though i dont really think its about micro management

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Freedom - 6/2/2005 8:47:54 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hows this- you want to be held on a short and tight leash?

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
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