New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant

New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (Full Version)

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frustratinggirl -> New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 6:27:52 PM)
I was wondering , as a new sub, wanted to extract from all those experiences of initially meeting a new possible dominant partner. What were warning signs to you that you initaially found or ended up finding out, that indicated that the person was unfit for you , as in wrongly malicious, or that they were in the lifestyle for the wrong reason, or even that it was just a passing kink to them and it really wasnt a natural part of them. stuff that if your new and you arent tremendously educated about the scene you might dismiss as being "part of the scene" and overlook.

Tristan -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:12:18 PM)
I think the warning signs in a D/s relationship are pretty much the same in a vanilla relationship. You should meet in a public place until you get to know each other. As you get to know each other, look for inconsistancies and inapproparate responses that might indicate your potential partner has issues. Don't be in a hurry. Give the relationship time for these things to be obvious. Then just look for the chemistry. If it feels right, it probably is right. Tristan

LadyHeart -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:16:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl stuff that if your new and you arent tremendously educated about the scene you might dismiss as being "part of the scene" and overlook. That's exactly the point! Nothing should happen that would make you uncomfortable in vanilla life. If it feels bad, it is bad, and it has nothing to do with BDSM :)) LH

octavia -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:21:46 PM)
I always try to listen to my gut. I can think back to those times I've gotten into hairy situations with people and if I really get honest usually pretty early on there were red flags of one type or another. The bottom line though, even if i didnt understand or know what the red flags meant at the time.. my gut did. When it feels icky, listen to that.

kitchendisco -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:21:52 PM)
You allready have the answers to your question. Your 'gut instinct' will baulk when offended. What you need to do, is learnt to listen to your inner voice. Its absolutely, no different to the vanilla world. People are nice, or not so nice. You decide who you allow in. Personal red flags, are just that, one subs meat, is another's poison. Lack of honesty. That's my red flag. Demonstrated in they are seeking you behind someones back. Someone wanting a second relationship, to their primary. I think when you are just beginning, handling things will be difficult enough, without the poly factor. But i will read to see what those who did just this, felt. Would they of gone mono first, in hindsight? Im on a different path of my personal journey, and i learned so much from my first relationship. I adore that man for sharing that with me. But we must end. Its time is over. Im 'resting' at the moment. Pulling my shit together. I wish you luck kitchendisco

Griswold -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:31:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl I was wondering , as a new sub, wanted to extract from all those experiences of initially meeting a new possible dominant partner. What were warning signs to you that you initaially found or ended up finding out, that indicated that the person was unfit for you , as in wrongly malicious, or that they were in the lifestyle for the wrong reason, or even that it was just a passing kink to them and it really wasnt a natural part of them. stuff that if your new and you arent tremendously educated about the scene you might dismiss as being "part of the scene" and overlook. Allright...this is between you and me...but....they ("them") wanted to know if I was married...and they actually ASKED me while I was still on the phone, talking to my wife...about my kids school schedule....and the Nun that watched over my children was in the same room as my wife, while she had me on speaker phone!!!!!! (Some things just piss me off).

Masternslave07 -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:35:20 PM)
You aren't going to get the answers to all those questions on your first meeting, unless you are planning on a week long meeting. Many of those questions should be asked and answered before meeting, and the others will become clear if you continue to see this person. Most people are on their best behavior during the initial meeting, so it is hard to make a complete assessment on a first meeting. Of course if their best doesn't do it for you, or isn't really that good anyway, move on. If there is an attraction, then meet again. Just like you would do if you were vanilla.

crouchingtigress -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:44:29 PM)
pay attention.....how does he treat the wait staff? would you want to be treated that way? how does he treat his mom and sister? could be a wealth of information in a tiny glimpse of that part of his life if you are lucky enough to see it how do your animals like him?... and this is most important: who are you when you are with him??

domiguy -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 7:48:49 PM)
I would think that if you are meeting a Dom and he shows up wearing cheesy shoes that in lieu of laces there is velcro....It might be a sign to get the Hell out of there.

Aileen68 -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:01:54 PM)
Awww...I love velcro. It's not usually a good sign if he stirs his coffee with his dick.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:08:12 PM)
If he is all morose, and never once cracks a smile...Tempting

DominaSmartass -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:10:42 PM)
It might have already been said but I'll say it again just in case. If anyone pressures you to go further than you are comfortable with. If anyone tells you that you aren't a "real submissive" unless you do x, y, and z and do it now(!). If anyone encourages you to become his property or take his collar without much or any discussion or consideration. If someone puts down other people, the community at large, or discourages you from having outside contact because he thinks he is the greatest and knows all the answers and you shouldn't need anything but him. Those are the biggest red flags I've encountered and yes, you're gut feeling should serve you well, as others have said.

domiguy -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:11:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 Awww...I love velcro. It's not usually a good sign if he stirs his coffee with his dick. What about if the cup of coffe is on the floor and he is standing?

angelic -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:12:17 PM)
quote: What about if the cup of coffe is on the floor and he is standing? He's probably a midget.

domiguy -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:18:37 PM)
You know I haven't seen the lil' people represented out here in CM land...... I love chimps....I have always thought that if there was a way to combine midgets and monkeys you would have gold. Nothing to do with the topic at hand, just a random thought

Sinergy -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:22:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelic quote: What about if the cup of coffe is on the floor and he is standing? He's probably a midget. If his screen name is TripoDom, why did you go for coffee with him? Sinergy

ExtremeMP -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:29:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy combine midgets and monkeys Now that's a visual I didn't need! [:(]

angelic -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:30:52 PM)
You know... interestingly enough, before i typed that one liner, i wondered if there was one or two who might be offended by it...

angelic -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/14/2007 8:32:31 PM)
If he pisses me off, i can step on him?\|

Aileen68 -> RE: New meetings, warning signs in a bad Dominant (6/15/2007 3:07:09 AM)
Mmmmm...midget monkey doms who like coffee. Now that's a hell of a way to start a Friday.

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