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Sheki -> RE: Twisted images (6/15/2007 9:44:19 AM)
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I've been only in two relationships (the first ended with the death of the girlfriend)and both are vanilla though the girlfriend is on the submissive side in general behavior.
So I have no real experience in this, but know something about long therm relationships with someone... and it seems no different from a “normal” relationships in this things. Ideas that people get from books, videos and websites on BDSM are probably similar to the ideas kids get from novels and movies on the “normal” relationships before seriously getting into one – a mixture of reality and fantasy. Specially when it is a long term one or marriage.. So it is not so difficult to see who has some real experience, who is living in his/her own fantasy world and who is just trying to get laid.
BDSM or vanilla everyone gets sick, has to pay bills, eat and sleep so I would think that in a serious relationship it can't be all about whips and cuffs :D
Besides a dom who is not down to earth, intelligent and has no self-control can not be really dominant, at least not in the way I see it.. I would say that its somewhat similar to the army (or any other situation where there is a hierarchical society): there are people who are “naturally dominant”. That is – they have more experience in the field, confidence, abilities, discipline, character, they arrived on that position by virtue, talent and hard work... and you could follow them in a real war situation even if you were not obliged to by the low or whatever.. than there are always spineless jerks who need the protection of such a hierarchical organization to impose themselves.. It was similar in school too for example. Some professors are jerks that can have no discipline at all and students are making fun of them when during class time. Than there are those nice ones but without authority – people like them but abuse them anyway. There are also those who make a lot of noise and treats to maintain discipline – but its not going to work for long. The ideal ones were always those who had a natural authority. When they were in class you would just sit and listen, no need to treat or say anything, and kids liked them often more than the nice ones without authority. They would have discipline in class butt in a relaxed, natural manner without being serious with no sense of humor... If we make a comparison to the dom/sub world this types would be the “natural dominants”
If a kid naturally feels the character of a professor, a solder of his officer and so on than I would suppose the same goes for a sub for the doms and someone that comes up with such “intelligent and mature” ideas when messaging like those that subs on the profiles are always complaining about is probably not going to make a very domlike impression.. If he is older than 13 that is :D
Well now, I'm making theories about what I have no experience too :D
P.S. Hope my English is at least understandable.
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