sleazybutterfly
Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006 Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: cricket832 When I first got on Collarme I was immediately intrigued by the whole ‘slave’ concept. Too much good fiction and my own fantasies… and this really appealed to me. It took about 2 days to realize that is just not me and it never will be. I’m a GREAT sub and would love to ‘play’ slave on request but I will never BE a slave at heart. I need to have input and an opinion. I’m not disobedient or disrespectful, but I want to be treated with respect, dignity and love. It became abundantly clear that slavery negated those options with the wrong Dom. This was not a chance I was going to take. Contrary to popular belief a lot of slaves are treated not only with respect, but dignity, and tons of love. We are also allowed to (shock!) have opinions and voice them on a regular basis. Yes, it is sometimes hard to find one that will do that with you, but no harder than finding someone you are compatible with in the vanilla world. We aren't all mindless drones walking about without the capability to form sentences. If a slave is not what you are, that's fine, but don't box the "slave" term into what you think it is...besides, I am too pudgy to fit in a box anyway. So, since I was obsessed with ‘classifying’ myself I settled for submissive. I feel I am so because I thoroughly enjoy deferring to my Dominant male partner’s wishes and fulfilling his needs brings me great pleasure. I am a good girl! But I do need the right to speak out, respectfully of course, with my concerns. As a slave, you could speak out about concerns also. Maybe you are just rushing to label yourself, most of us did the same thing trying to figure out where we fit it. I have been a sub, slave, switch, and Dom, myself....it's a learning process and nothing should be rushed. In previous (vanilla) relationships I recognize the fact that I damaged the relationship with my stubbornness, my attitude, my arguing. I should be a lawyer, I can prove any point effectively….. lol. And I am a Libra so I have a tendency to insist on ‘fairness’. In a recent relationship I made a conscious effort to change that. I stopped insisting to have my way. I quit fighting and remained calm almost always. I deferred to Him when there was a conflict. I pretty much gave him his way, trusted completely and turned my life over. I discovered my submissive side and realized it felt really good. I loved myself more for the person I was becoming. It made me happy to please and serve. I am a libra also, so I know what kind of personlity that is. I do trust my M with everything, but I make tons of choices on my own. He is the head of our home though, and if I come to him with a decision, he will choose whether to make it or not, most of the time he just wants me to do what makes me the happiest. What I am at a loss for is now returning to the whole ‘defining me’. Was I stupid for being completely submissive and letting someone walk all over me?No, I have been a doormat with men before, but I have learned that it's hard to not make someone happy when you love them so much. Do I have to shut up just because I am submissive? Yes, you are not allowed to talk anymore at all, it's in the rule book. Of course you can talk, most doms encourage their sub/slave to voice their thoughts and opinions on things. They get tired of the whole mind reading game that so many play. At what point do you say TIME OUT and go back to reality and insist on the things you need to be happy? Why do you need to leave reality? My reality every single day is being a slave, yet I have all I need to make me happy. We don't all sleep in the corner naked on a mat with only food, water, and shelter.(not that there is anything wrong if that's your thing). I learned never to settle for someone that wouldn't fulfill my life in the best way, and give me what I needed to make my life happy. I make his very happy and give him anything he needs/wants, why shouldn't I have the same in return? These relationships are a two way street, if they aren't, it's only because that's the way someone chose to live, nothing more. I ask because I truly WANT to be a good submissive when I find the right Dominant, I want to please Him and turn my life over but don’t want to repeat history. Use caution and don't jump into anything. There is a habit of frenzy when you find someone over here and the brain decides to go bye, bye. You never have to settle for anything you don't want, nor to live a certain way. If you are sub, that's great, if you are a slave, great also. Don't be in a big rush to find what you are, it will come as things progress. I had no idea I was a slave until I was a sub first and knew I wanted more. I am dominant outside of my relationship and anything but a doormat. I have just chosen to give my life and control over to my Master. I am still very happy, I still say what I want, and am expected to voice my concerns when I have them. My Master even asks me if I need anything when he gets up. Not every M/s D/s relationship is the same, just like vanilla ones. Set your standards of what you want, and don't change them if it takes you years to find the one that fits them. Patience is very much a virtue around here, it's the only way you will keep your mind in control of your heart. Good luck.
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~Flutterby ~Curvylicious Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly. Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.
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