Faramir
Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff
Yeah.... lots of wannabe's out there. Some good, some bad, some indifferent.
We have the posers, people I think of as "pretendabe's"... They like the fetish fashion, play dressup, know the lingo, want to have the aura of the lifestyle... and have no clue what to do beyond the outer trappings. For this bunch, SM means "Stand and Model"...
You have the wankers, people most of us call "wannabe's", "HNG's", "trolls"... They believe that pretending to be Dominant or submissive will get them sex of some kind, often. They learn the lingo, but their goal is wanking material, they want to spank the monkey or choke the chicken; or they want the quick and easy blowjob or fuck. Again, the object isn't a relationship, probably not even a scene, all they want is an orgasm.
There are predators out there. Users and abusers who found out that they can be a slime-mold disguised in wolf's or sheep's clothing. They are an emotional, physical and/or financial parasite, they pretend to be something they are not in order to manipulate, degrade, use up, and finally discard their victim with no more thought to the target's well being than most of us care about roaches. To this kind of person other people aren't really human. They are just resources or objects to be used.
Then there is a group that really "wants-to-be". They feel the call, the draw, to power exchange relationships. They yearn to be in control or to be controlled. They ache to inflict pain on someone, or to have pain inflicted upon them. But they don't know the lingo. They don't have the vocabulary. They don't know how to ask for what they need, desire, hunger for.... They don't know how to get this, they just know how bad it hurts to not have it, how alone they feel, how cut off from others because they know their desires aren't "normal". They feel like "freaks", "perverts", "sickos"...
This last group is why I bother to hang out in these boards. There are people out there who are in the same emotional space I was 9 - 10 years ago. Hurting. Lonely. Confused. Desperate. Someone needs to throw down the Welcome mat.
Glad to have you, welcome aboard!
And I've probably left out some other classes of wananbe's. It's not an intentional slight on my part but this nice drug Herr Doktor gave me for my insomnia, Klonopin, tends to make me fuzzy around the edges and focussing is difficult for a few hours after I wake up. Please feel free to toss your own favorites into the mix too....
YIK
- Geoff
That's a perfect example of what CC posted in the OP: a dualistic lens that moralizes one group as good (the "want to be's" that you identify with) and others as bad (wannabee's you don't identifiy with). The criteria you use to frame this dualism is self-identification.
I am not saying you are a racist, or an anything-ist (except maybe BDSM elitsist), but can't you see that is the basis for racism and other forms of oppression? Valorizing those you identify with as good and condeming those unlike you as bad, or at least as Other.
My favorite quote from Ursula Le Guin:
Our curse is alienation, the separation of yang from yin [and the moralization of yang as good, of yin as bad]. Instead of a search for balance and integration, there is a struggle for dominance. Divisions are insisted upon, interdependence is denied. The dualism of division that destroys us, the dualism of superior/inferior, ruler/ruled, owner/owned, user/used, might give way to what seems to me, from here, a much healthier, sounder, more promising modality of integration and integrity.
< Message edited by Faramir -- 6/16/2007 3:26:54 PM >
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True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.
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RE: Wannabe - 
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