Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relati... - 6/17/2007 4:27:39 PM   
ProfJoe


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline
Okay, so "contract" is the wrong word for what is, after all, an agreement based on the negotiations between two.

When I started with my current girl (think "consideration") we had paper and very specific language; it wasn't final but it was a guide to training for her, and of my expectations for her, as well as some promises re: what she could expect and what I would not do. It was five pages!

We reviewed it every three months and made changes -- it was an agreement that was an excuse to communicate. They were two pages!

This coming week we're going to make our relationship permanent; as much as "training" can be complete, hers is done, at least until something changes to make new work necessary; we now have come up with a paragraph each, explaining in words we understand with one another, what promises we are making.

We plan to revise it every six months, if either is interested in discussing it; if not, then we'll go a year.

The point, for me, is that people change and our needs change. That changes the relationship, every day in some small, minute way. In time, the changes become something that should be noticed in a conversation. If nothing else, the structure I've imposed makes it so there is less chance we'll over look important things that might get in the way of our growth.

We both take what we say (and have written down) seriously so for us it really is a contract. Sure, it would get us thrown out of court and perhaps into jail. Nonetheless, it is what we've agreed.

Hope this helps.
Respectfully, Prof. Joe 

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relati... - 6/17/2007 4:31:22 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfJoe

Okay, so "contract" is the wrong word for what is, after all, an agreement based on the negotiations between two.

When I started with my current girl (think "consideration") we had paper and very specific language; it wasn't final but it was a guide to training for her, and of my expectations for her, as well as some promises re: what she could expect and what I would not do. It was five pages!

We reviewed it every three months and made changes -- it was an agreement that was an excuse to communicate. They were two pages!

This coming week we're going to make our relationship permanent; as much as "training" can be complete, hers is done, at least until something changes to make new work necessary; we now have come up with a paragraph each, explaining in words we understand with one another, what promises we are making.

We plan to revise it every six months, if either is interested in discussing it; if not, then we'll go a year.

The point, for me, is that people change and our needs change. That changes the relationship, every day in some small, minute way. In time, the changes become something that should be noticed in a conversation. If nothing else, the structure I've imposed makes it so there is less chance we'll over look important things that might get in the way of our growth.

We both take what we say (and have written down) seriously so for us it really is a contract. Sure, it would get us thrown out of court and perhaps into jail. Nonetheless, it is what we've agreed.

Hope this helps.
Respectfully, Prof. Joe 


Thank you for better explaining what I meant about writing down "expectations".
Too many here are narrow minded thinkers, to me it has nothing to do with reinforcing it legally.
It is a set of agreed expectations, needs and guidelines that you both have agreed too.
If it is not for you? Don't do it, but I love the idea and look forward to doing it.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to ProfJoe)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relati... - 6/17/2007 5:25:06 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

Just curious, but how important are contracts to a consensual M/s relationship. Are they necessary or just a good idea?

Formal contracts have no place in my D/s relationships at all.  My BDSM is done at a personal and intimate relationship level, which means I wouldn't do anything to genuinely hurt or otherwise disrespect my girl.  And I prefer to cultivate an atmosphere that enables her to approach me if she is having a problem with something, even assuming I haven't already noticed....
 
Focus.

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relati... - 6/17/2007 8:27:20 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
They're worth as much as you put value on them...kinda like the sweater your Grandma bought you last christmas. If you love sweaters and your Grandma, it means a great deal...if not, it doesn't.

I like contracts because I like things clearly stated. My girl and I have a 70+ page contract...because it outlines what I expect in the relationship as well as what I have to give. There's very little protocol and most of it talks about things like intergrity and honesty, which are usually assumed to be in existance, but I wanted my expectations of and about such things clear.

The good thing about contracts? Your slave know exactly what to expect. The bad thing about contracts? Your slaves then expect it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to dincubus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relati... - 6/17/2007 9:04:28 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
I've said this in the past.  Communication is important in all relationships.  Contracts are a form of communication.  A contract is not required for a healthy D/s relationship, but many people find them helpful and useful communication tools.  Your milage will vary. 

My contract comes in the form of a band of steel, wrapped around a girls throat.  Her renegotiation is to beg me to take it off, or to find someone with bolt cutters.  Beyond that, if she wants to sleep on the other side of the bed, be flogged at 7:46pm every third tuesday, or decides she hates canes, she would know she can just ask.  I enjoy ritual, but I find contracts to smack too strongly of the slave asserting 'rights' for my taste.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to ProfJoe)
Profile   Post #: 25
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Contracts... how important are they to a M/s relationship Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109