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A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 6:50:06 PM   
PassionateTulip


Posts: 40
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		When you meet someone you like on here, be it a Dom, Domme, sub, Mistress, Master, Whatever BE HONEST! Be honest about your expectations, your abilities, everything! I know this is the internet but geez......I met someone (here, but local and we met outside here as well) , had a wonderful time, and I ended up collaring him. After I collared him things went downhill..... he didn't follow any order I requested of him past that point and barely got an answer as to why. Turns out he decided he's "too busy" for this lifestyle, and while I know he IS busy, I wasn't asking much of him in the way of time....... I was more than understanding of his outside life, and he ended up taking advantage. Basically, I'm saying if you know you don't have time for this lifestyle DON'T string someone along to believe that you do! I have so very little patience for ending up with NOTHING........ I'm almost to the point where I want to leave this entire lifestyle because of everyone else's inability to commit and be honest. Every single time I have put faith in someone, and opened up, and been ready to commit they end up being the one to get scared........ What's the freakin deal?

< Message edited by PassionateTulip -- 6/17/2007 6:51:09 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 6:53:32 PM   
MsCece2u


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/10/2005
From: DC
Status: offline 		It sounds like a case of where the reality didn't turn out to be like the fantasy he had.  Unfortunately you will find that when meeting people on the 'net and when they actually start finding out what the lifestyle is about they take a powder.  Sorry about the experience.

_____________________________

Ms Cece
Tis better to let people think that you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 7:00:22 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I am sorry to hear about your story, but I always encourage people to take things
s l o w, and take the time to get to know someone well before becomming involved.
Most of the submissive males on here will tell you almost anything you want to hear
to get you interested in them.
You are the Dominant, you have the power to take the relationship slower.
You are in control, you set the pace and you ultimately will be responsible for the decisions
that you make and the people you bring into your life.
Good luck in the future.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/17/2007 7:01:04 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 7:05:51 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		It happens all the time. Boys have this wonderful fantasy of leather clad Dominas with abundent physical attributes who require oral service all the time. The fantasy, and their interest, is shot to hell when the realization sets in they must answer to someone else and put in their time doing things they didn't bargain for. In my opinion, about 95% of the so called subs/slaves on the internet are looking for nothing more than kinky sex.  

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
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RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 7:06:51 PM   
PassionateTulip


Posts: 40
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		MzMia..... the problem I have found in taking things slower is that it just ends up taking that much longer for things like this to happen... thusly making me waste even more of my time... The best and longest relationships I have ever had were ones where things happened almost instantly... In fact, this one I did actually have much more patience with, and I regret it.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 7:10:32 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Well you are very young, why worry about collaring anyone any time soon?
Why not just enjoy being 20, and go out with a variety of people and have fun?

< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/17/2007 7:11:14 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 7:50:39 PM   
PassionateTulip


Posts: 40
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		Ha, cute....... No thanks... I'd rather not waste my life.....

Edited to add: Why does everyone pull that up? Like 40-50-60 year olds are having an easier time? I think not........ If I wait, I'll probably still be waiting...... but if I don't find what I seek it won't be because I wasted my time doing what everyone else deems to be "fun" which I deem to be a waste of time..... So many people look back and regret. I do not desire to be one of those people!

< Message edited by PassionateTulip -- 6/17/2007 7:52:56 PM >

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 7:57:16 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Both the OP and the replies frame this as one partner's failure, rather than as a relationship that failed.  Instead of seeing both partners as involved and enfranchised, the framing is of a "dishonest boy" who bears the entire burden of failure.

quote:

  he didn't follow any order I requested of him past that point and barely got an answer as to why. Turns out he decided he's "too busy" for this lifestyle, and while I know he IS busy, I wasn't asking much of him in the way of time....... I was more than understanding of his outside life, and he ended up taking advantage. Basically, I'm saying if you know you don't have time for this lifestyle DON'T string someone along to believe that you do!

and
quote:

reality didn't turn out to be like the fantasy he had.  

and
quote:

Most of the submissive males on here will tell you almost anything you want to hear
to get you interested in them. 

and
quote:

Boys have this wonderful fantasy of leather clad Dominas with abundent physical attributes who require oral service all the time. The fantasy, and their interest, is shot to hell when the realization sets in they must answer to someone else and put in their time doing things they didn't bargain for.  


It's fascinating--here are several Dommes bitching about what men do to them, thus inscribing themselves as agentless, and ascribing agency to the men who do them wrong.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 8:33:35 PM   
PassionateTulip


Posts: 40
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		It's not about men..... It's about people just letting go.... randomly..... after claiming to commit. Man, woman, thing, whatever.... I was merely discussing my situation and reason for posting.

< Message edited by PassionateTulip -- 6/17/2007 8:36:37 PM >

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 9:00:30 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		efficiancy in buisness works great, but efficiancy in relationships have the exact opposit effect.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 9:07:17 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Whilst you have my sympathies...do not forget..you are the consistent factor in each of these relationships that have failed..So what can you do?..What has gone wrong?..You may need to step back and rethink your choices or actions....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 9:10:35 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		I think the question is what if anything can you do to head this off at the pass.  I am actually much better at figuring people out after doing it for more years.  And the slow down method does work for me.   Its real clear pretty early on for me who does not really share compatible interests, goals etc.  But that comes from the conversations and really thoughtful methodology on my part.   Fromseeing how the words match with the actions.  Etc.

If this is jsut a rant so be it.  Otherwise maybe it would be interesting to understand what others do that works for them and keeps them from repeatedly running ito a similar situation.



_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 9:11:50 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

It happens all the time. Boys have this wonderful fantasy of leather clad Dominas with abundent physical attributes who require oral service all the time. The fantasy, and their interest, is shot to hell when the realization sets in they must answer to someone else and put in their time doing things they didn't bargain for. In my opinion, about 95% of the so called subs/slaves on the internet are looking for nothing more than kinky sex.  


Hey, I'm looking for kinky sex!!  What's wrong with kinky sex??

Stephan
(up past my bedtime)


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/17/2007 11:51:13 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have often left the lifestyle as well, fed up with others (although often myself as well). I have found that unfortunatly i have many of the same issues in vanilla relationships with the added bonus of feeling like i'm lying to myself about who i am. It may not help to hear this from someone as inexperienced as myself but i would say don't give up on the lifestyle. There are miscommunications and jerks and confused people everywhere. At least you're staying true to yourself. If we all were honest with ourselves about who we are there would probably be a lot less confusion in relationships. *wanders off to dream of a an ideal world*

~charlotte

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/18/2007 12:03:54 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Are you involved in the local scene?  Where do you find these guys - maybe you're fishing in the wrong pond.  If you get into the local scene you'll meet people who are prepared to commit, and who understand that it's more than just kinky sex with a hot chick (not that there's anything WRONG with that).

How much experience have you had?  Could you talk to some local Dommes, maybe work on your technique, learn how to spot the warning signs.  And I know you hate to hear this, but it takes time.

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/18/2007 1:32:45 PM   
LadyPaige


Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have found the same issues using Cupid.com, AdultFriendfinder.com, and Collarme.com.  Leaving the lifestyle won't fix anything.  I'd suggest you look at how you evaluate a perspective partner, what exactly you NEED out of the relationship, and look beyond his words to weather it's fantasy or wishful thinking.  I know I promised my X I'd cook for him every night when I didn't know how to cook, and I told myself I'd make my kids clothes when I'd never done more than sew a button.  I wasn't being deceitful, just unrealistic.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/18/2007 1:39:10 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		~arched brow~

Such venom. Such finger-pointing. Failure in a relationship is never squarely upon the shoulders of one person. Assess where the situation fell on your side of the fence and strive to avoid those behaviors next time. Live and learn lessons. It is all you can do.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LadyPaige)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/20/2007 7:33:43 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		  Nothing I can think of Stephann. The more the merrier! 

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/20/2007 7:44:36 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Well you are very young, why worry about collaring anyone any time soon?
Why not just enjoy being 20, and go out with a variety of people and have fun?


Sorry.. but I gotta say this...  I know several male sub/slaves that would not give themselves to one so young and with such little experience.  I agree with others that have replied.. get involved in your local community.  There are a great many out there that have never even heard of Collarme.  Just a thought..
 
And, btw... it took us about 2 1/2 years to find our third.
 
1st girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A request in form of a plea. - 6/20/2007 8:18:21 PM   
Alighierisquest


Posts: 58
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with you about no foul in starting soon.  If you know what you want the head start can do nothing but help.  If nothing else you gain valuable experience and the ability deepen the understanding of your own desires.  If nothing else to better be able to evaluate a match.

(in reply to PassionateTulip)
Profile   Post #: 20
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