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predators...(mini-vent) - 6/17/2007 11:26:08 PM

chellekitty

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Earlier today i checked my email like normal with nothing unusual in my inbox but when i got to one of my lists i became very disturbed at an email on a daily digest...it was from the guy who raped me 2 years ago looking for the party i was at last night...luckily he had no clue and you have to attend the munches to find out where the party is...and i took about 2 minutes to just breathe and then called a very close friend who is a wife and slave to a board member of that group (both are aware of the situation 2 years ago and she had been contacted by this same guy who tried to prey on her before she told me about it and i went ummm this is that guy) so...long story short, i filed an initial complaint but not a formal one 2 years ago so i am scared to go to the police because i know they are going to be beligerent about why i didn't file a formal report 2 years ago...and the board member that knows of the situation is going to bring it to light to the other board members and i'm not really sure of my point in making this post but constructive comments and thoughts will be appreciated...perhaps on how you dealt with a similiar situation without running away and hiding?
i think thats all for now
chelle
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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/17/2007 11:34:45 PM

becca333

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You're doing the right things so far - you did make a complaint at the time, so it's on record. You've warned others about him. If he's preying in your area, you'll need to decide if you're going to go back to the police to take things further.

In my state we have a rape crisis hotline - you can call them no matter how long it is since the assault (some people phone about childhood experiences decades old) and they'll give advice and support, they'll go with you to the police station if you wish (that can be easier than taking a friend or going alone). Is there some hotline or advice service you can contact?

I'm not sure if I really know anything that would help you - but you're brave, you're doing everything you can, and I hope you find a way through this.

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/17/2007 11:36:58 PM

crouchingtigress

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they will probally not be beligerent about why you did not file the report 2 years ago, they understand for the most part that every one heals and processes these things differntly....but they will likly inform you that all you have at this point is hear say and they cant do anything with out evidence.

i know you said you dont kknow why you are writing this post, i think its because you want to feel safe, and maybe want a nudge to go to the police....

so here is your nudge

go to the police, not just to alert them about this guy, not just to possibly save other women from harm, but to process your experiance and heal it....

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 5:48:14 AM

texaskristy

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I think you should go to the police, it doesn't matter that it has been a couple of years ago. The police are used to women coming to them after the event. I would also suggest looking for local support groups and asking for guidance, you may find that talking to women in similar situations will help you deal with the trauma. They should also have useful advice about dealing with the police in this type of situation. You are being brave and I believe you are doing the right thing by speaking up. Not saying it will be easy, but I believe it is the right thing. That said, you are the only one who knows the right thing for you. If it feels right to go to the police, that is what you should do; if not, don't feel pressured by anyone to go.

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 7:19:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Now was the guy specifically asking for "the party you were at" or was he asking "where was the party last night" and you happened to have been there?

If you want to make it official and go down the channels of the police, definitely go and do so. Don't let your fear continue to control you.

It's good that you informed the board, but frankly, as a former board member, unless there was something officially filed, with the police OR with us, I"d treat it as gossip to be aware of and watchful for in the future and nothing more. BDSM boards are not police or private relationship guardians.

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 9:20:27 AM

shyinini

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chelle
House Infernus

chelle,
I think I understand that HOUSE INFERNUS is your "home"?
Maybe its just the kind of submissive and woman I am, but I would request my Sir, my "home"... to help me with this issue.
He is my protector and my guidance counselor and the one who would rather help me deal with this rather than people on a board.
Just my POV/perspective.

Sir's property

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A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 9:30:51 AM

thetammyjo

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Sadly given the amount of time that has passed between the rape and now, the "evidence" will be basically a competition between words -- who should the jury believe more. If it had been reported at the time it happened, physical evidence would have been collected.

Too often survivors of assults, be they sexual or not, will feel so badly about what has happened that they do some things that hurt any attempt to put a rapist or other criminal through the systme, let alone get a conviction. I know how that feels, I've been there myself, but I want to get some general advice to us all.

If you are the survivor of a crime please do not take a shower or do anything to "clean" yourself. This will be hard because you will feel dirty. Even a condom cannot protect against all evidence -- hair samples, skin under your nails if you fight back, tears on clothes, anything and everything can build a case.

Please contact someone immediately. I know you feel bad. It is that survivor feeling bad that allows abuse, rape and other crimes to continue so much. This is a society thing still but as individuals we can encourage each other to report things immediately. Part of this encouragement for me was to starting thinking of the word "survivor" and refusing to use the word "victim".

To chellekitty I want say that I'm sorry you had to survive that situation. You are doing a good thing now but speaking up. I cannot say what the police will do but I doubt there is enough evidence left to do more than note or do a basic questioning of everyone involved. Even that is worth doing because then a trend can be noted should others ever come forward. Often police find the targets of their investigation but looking at some trends.

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 10:01:15 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear chellekitty, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do not wish to sound rough in this area. However, with the many false claims of rape out and about--the most recent being the Duke Lacross incident; even with evidence acquired immediately afterwards which proved the lads innocent--rape cases are never easy.

Time passing is no friend of your case, no matter how strong you complain or insist. Unless you were held hostage and just freed; people will wonder and put you on trial rather than the person who raped you.

People who have been raped and immediately report such, the evidence gathered and go for the prosecution like a 'bulldog' have a much better chance with law enforcement and or the prosecutor's offices. If there was a video tape or independent evidence that supports your claim of involuntary sexual relationships--that helps a lot.

But, like it is with the scene, et.al., handling it like a case of sour grapes is how it will appear. Only plus in your favor; has been that other women have experienced the same modus operandi this chap propositioned other women under similiar circumstances. It certainly sounds like the chap in the Virginia and DC area years back who raped women and was stupid enough to threaten to kill a woman at a BDSM munch in the Richmond, Virginia area--her ex-husband was a police officer. This same chap was fishing in the club we have up here days after leaving a submissive lady tied at home, having savaged her and raped her, to let her little boy find her.
He too attempted to find another woman in West Virginia, to whom he threatened to find her.
She has since moved to South America.

So many people also hesitate to come forward due to the state/commonwealth they are in; as BDSM and or S&M is illegal and are most likely prosecuted for that rather than the act of rape. The mentality is that such 'rape' is invited behavior in BDSM and S&M. Unfortunately, these folks know little between what is tolerated within the community and what is seen as abuse and or fantasy role play. Education of the jurisprudence culture is important and until that happens--its a case by case situation.

Too bad we cannot beam these predators up into a space craft and ship them off to some unpopulated area. (Where is Scotty when you need him--he's in orbit you know).

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 10:11:53 AM

AquaticSub

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I don't think the police are going to give you a hard time. The reason the rape laws allow you to file a report years after the attack is because not everyone can do it right away. However, you do need to it soon, because there is an expiration date.

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RE: predators...(mini-vent) - 6/18/2007 12:01:36 PM

chellekitty

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ok going to attempt to respond to more than one post here...

LA: it was a "where is the party at tonight" and it was one i was at and luckily no one responded to it, if i remember correctly with this group, you have to attend a munch to find out where its at or know someone who knows...

shyinini: the Dominant i contacted thats on the board is the head of my House...sorry i did not clarify that

LadyHugs: all the things you stated ring all too true...the guy had seen me be flogged by a friend (who i knew from our bdsm group) on "dominatrix night" at the bar...

to everyone regaurding the time frame: i made the initial report and they told me they would call me when i could come in and make the formal report, and when they did i was in the middle of being checked in to a mental hospital because i was suicidal, and they were very pissed off that they had gotten back to me and i couldn't tell them when i would be available, it scared the crap out of me so much that i haven't even considered going back to the police until he started attempting to show up where i happened to be (not that he knew i would be there)...

chelle
House Infernus

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